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I dont know any gay guys. Where to begin?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by srslywtf, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. srslywtf

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    I have through some form of chance never known anyone gay.. Well no I have I guess, but I certainly didn't know I wanted that kind of thing at the time... in fact subconsciously I probably avoided them just like I avoided the obvious in my own head. and now they're long gone.

    I know some lesbians, but not very well. Not well enough to be like "I am this, help me". They only seem to hang out with other lesbians anyway.

    Gay clubs/bars... Yes, there is that option, but I can't do social development on my own, I need a friend. Friends I could take to a gay club/bar? They don't exist in my life. I have literally no idea what they would think.. and given that my group of friends is intrinsically linked to my current living situation, I'm somewhat apprehensive to go down that route first off.

    I know that I need to either turn up somewhere there are most definitely gay people, or come out to someone. But I'm stuck in this neverending cycle! But I've already lost so much time, I dont want to just wait around for something to happen.. when it might never.

    Anyone got any helpful ideas?
     
  2. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Don't go hunting for a gay guy until your out, that's the only sensible advice I can give. If you're after a hookup, you're going to get paranoid he'll tell someone somehow, and it'll be much harder to keep it a secret. If you're after a relationship, then you not being out will cause loads of problems later on.

    The best thing to do now is embrace yourself and come out. If your friends are truly friends, they'll accept you even if they don't approve of it, and then in time become okay with it. If they aren't your friends then yes they will ditch you, but why the hell would you want people like that in your life to begin with? Surely you'd want people who only support you, people you can rely on etc.

    All the best.
     
  3. Paper Crane

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    Sometimes there are lgbt groups and things around, you could try searching for ones in your local area. I know there is one in my university, but surely they must exist elsewhere. Then you could probabbly speak to someone about it before you're ready to come out. That said, I should really take my own advice haha.
     
  4. srslywtf

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    ^ Yeah... easier said than done!

    I'm not really looking for hookups or a relationship yet.. I mean I want things like that but, I feel like I am incapable of identifying a gay guy in normal life. Given the fact that my life has never brought me upon such things so far, I need to change it in some new direction.
    I want gay friends not because I feel any need to spend all my time around gay people, just because if I have gay friends, I will have a network in which to find gay guys that I might one day develop something with. Or at least be able to learn a little, given how clueless I am about such things.

    I see a straight looking guy and dont know what to do,
    I see a stereotypically gay looking guy and I'm too worried about not stereotyping. and even if I wasn't I still wouldnt know what to do.

    Wait, maybe this is why the stereotypical gay image exists... not so you can identify others, but so that others can identify you? Hurrm.

    Still involves alot more coming out than I feel ready for though haha.

    Also for the whole friends thing... I am not in a position to NOT be living where I am at the moment. financially. I mean I am not living off someone else, but I am in a much easier situation than I otherwise would be. So it's pretty much not an option. I'm working on that part though. I could be patient and wait... but being 26 I really feel like I've wasted enough of my life already. I want love.. love and other satisfying experiences. now!

    As for 'sneaking'.. no I wouldnt do that. If I did meet someone, I would think it would be disrespectful to make them live that way just because I wanted to.
     
    #4 srslywtf, Jun 28, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2013
  5. bingostring

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    Widening your social circles generally will increase your chances of meeting more LGBT people

    Finding and joining a LGBT group would be even better.

    Avoid the clubs and hook ups ... That does not sound like what you want ..

    Make friends with a lesbian or two ? They will have gay men friends...

    have you thought of working your whole set up through with a counsellor to help structure the next 12-18 months of your life ? A sort of guide / touchstone to help you transform??

    It's pants not knowing anyone gay. I didn't till I was in my 30's ! B

    Xx(*hug*)
     
  6. srslywtf

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    Thanks for the thoughts... yeah I am definitely trying to get to better know the lesbians, hopefully something will come out of that, they are really nice people, I'm starting to trust them more.

    Widening social circle in general is a good idea, I've always been pretty crappy at that but I guess now I'm more driven than before.