Hi, as the title might give away: I need advice on how to deal with homophobia. But the type I need advice on is the kind that extends from friend's parents. I'm still in high school and I have quite a few friends but it seems sometimes a parent will see me (girl with short hair and no boyfriend) and be surprised that I look like a lesbian and they treat me oddly. I mean, I am a lesbian but I don't clearly announce it where ever I go- in fact I rarely even mention anything of the sort around people I don't trust (aka not family or close friends) just because I don't know how they'll react. That's the case with the majority of my friends. But I have one particular case where I actually SCARE one of my best friends parents because I look like a lesbian- they even told her that she should make new friends. (My friend told me that herself actually so I'm not kidding) With them and their daughter, my best friend, the only way they get off her back about being bisexual and her friends being possibly gay is if she has a boyfriend. (I've known them for a while and I know they're very homophobic from other experiences too) But I just really don't know how to deal with situations like these other than to ignore them so I won't make it worse. I'm the type of person who has a confrontational personality and I like to be really forward with my problems but I know that's a really bad way to go about this situation because I would probably be banned from seeing some of my friends again. Anyways I just really need some solution or advice on what to do. Thanks for your time!
Well, in a way this is also your friend`s problem. If the two of you are good friends, she`ll hopefully choose to stay your friend, rather than abide by her parents homophobia. You can`t really do much to change them, she might be able to, in time. I guess my advice is simply be yourself, stay tolerant and forgiving, prove yourself a better person than them. I wouldn`t really march into their house dressed in a rainbow, because although I feel we should never have to hide, we should be honest but considerate, if you get what I`m trying to say? If we come on too strong, people tend to back off and become more defensive. Homophobes are very often scared and ignorant, it`s not always malice or hate. So, be yourself, be proud, treat them politely and with empathy. That`s my 2 cents. In time, you might grow on them. If they get the chance to get to know you as a person, and find that you are actually a pretty pleasant and decent human being, maybe they`ll get their eyes opened. So, I wouldn`t stay away completely, just give it to them in careful doses And talk with your friend about it. Let her know you might want her parents to get an impression of you as a person and a human being, so that they might get over the fact that you`re a lesbian. Because our sexuality doesn`t define us as people, it doesn`t affect whether we`re nice, or mean, polite or rude, sometimes people just don`t get that until they actually get to know us. They don`t see a person, they see the letter L/G/Q/F or whatever like if it`s branded into our forehead, and unless we show them a bit of who we are, they don`t see anything else. Good luck, and just be the better person. It makes you happier about you, and when it comes down to it, our own opinion of ourselves is a lot more important than some random stranger who doesn`t even know us.
My advice, like anything you do, is per pair. What kind of things are you worried people will call you and have a come back ready. It might sound immature but they're going to insult you not matter how grown up YOU are and having something ready to say will often shut them up.
