1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Hi everyone need some support

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by whyme10, Jun 29, 2013.

  1. whyme10

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford U S A
    I posted this in later in life but perhaps this is also a good place to post. :help:Hi everyone. I have been viewing this site for a while now and just decided to join. I am a 65 year old married man and have been gay all of my life. I knew when I was young that I was Gay but went on to find religion and got married. I have been married for over 40 years to a wonderful woman. But after a life changing illness I found that I could no longer live the lie.
    So six months ago I began once again seeing men after a very long time. For the last ten or more years I had no sex with my wife not that it had been good for many years anyway. So regretfully I did the craiglist thing. As you may guess I picked up something. I am not proud of myself. I am in the midst of testing. Had a small lesion on my penis which the dr thought was syphillis. I was tested for it and it came back negative, also for clymidia negative. (excuse my spelling please not words that I knew before this) But the dr tells me that I have to wait another two weeks for testing since it could be a false negative for syphillis.
    So I will go for blood tests in two weeks again as well as be screened for H I V. I really show no symptoms other than the lesion which is almost healed in about a week. Due to this problem I decided to come out to my wife. So far she is understanding but I am not sure for how long that will last. I am so scared that I may have caught something. This really sucks the possibility of sickness just for being human.
    I guess I am looking here for some support and I hope that someone will help me through this cause the waiting sucks big time. I have a lot more to tell but I will save it for a later time. Thanks whyme10:help:
     
  2. FemCasanova

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oslo
    *Hugs!*

    Yeah, waiting for an HIV test sucks! It`s completely nerve-wrecking, and you have to wait for so long. But hang on in there though. The only thing you can do is to not have sex until you can be as certain as possible that you are safe. And even after that, use protection.

    Try to seek solace in the fact that whether you have it or not, it`s out of your hand right now. What we can`t change or affect, there`s no point in worrying about. Try to use this time to do some inner work. Where do you want to be in a couple of years? Who do you want to be? What changes can you implement in your life, so that you can be happy? What dreams have you never gotten accomplished? Thing with life`s uncertainties is that they can be very motivating if we channel it into will and hope. Which you have probably experienced already from being sick.

    And I am glad to hear you are no longer living the lie, that you`ve taken that brave step towards being fully honest with yourself and your wife. It`s wonderful, so take some pride in that, it`s a big step!

    Welcome to EC!
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome!

    You're in the right place :slight_smile:

    First, it might help to know that you're not the oldest member we've had, and a friend of mine didn't come out until he was 68 or 69, and he's now fully out and happiest he's ever been. He, too, was married for many years and had kids. He still gets along with his ex-wife who, once she really thought about it and understood, has been supportive.

    One piece of advice I'll share (that you may have already heard...) If you're going to do random hookups, you MUST always play safe. To not do so is to almost guarantee getting an STI, because... most of the people who do hookups do them frequently, and many (if not most) don't play safe.

    I strongly suggest getting a copy of Dr. Joe Kort's book "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love". It has almost nothing to do with finding real love, but everything to do with understanding yourself and getting in touch with everything that you've avoided over the past 40 years. It also has several chapters that touch on the issues of being heterosexually married and working with your wife on coming out issues.

    And I hope you'll continue to post and contribute here, as I think that it can be mutually beneficial to the community and to you.
     
  4. whyme10

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford U S A
    Thank you for your comments. Yes waiting stinks good thing the lesion that I had went away In about a week and a half. The first test came back negative for syphillis so it has been two weeks and I have to go Monday for another blood draw. Hopefully it will be negative as well. Then it is just waiting for the H I V test results. I can't imagine that I would have H I V since I have never done anything other than oral sex, and kissing. From all of the research I have done it seems with just that it is highly unlikely. Does anyone have any input on this for me.
    I have been really down lately really missing the closeness of being with someone. Sigh. But I would never want anyone else to get sick. So I will just persevere.
    Again the support here is great all of you are to be commended for such care and comments.
    whyme10:smilewave