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Tried to go to a gay bar myself...i wasn't a success :(

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by sunnii, Jun 30, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I went into the city for a yoga workshop which i was really excited for. But I was begin egged on by someone I'm close to to walk into the gay bar next to it just to it (i think she was naive and thought I'd meet a guy straight away) Because of that I was more focused and fearing that than the actual yoga thing (which I really enjoyed). I tried to have a few beers at another bar to take the edge off and when i finally plucked up the courage to walk in...I didn't know how to get in, panicked and ran off.

    I was trying to get it all over and done with like ripping off a plaster but because the building was like an old style building and what I thought was the door (maybe it was) wouldnt open so I walked round thinking it was on the other side and that was another place (I didn't know if the buildings next door were gay bars or not but I didn't want to be lingering outside a gay bar feeling awkward) I'm not even used to go into bars especially not by myself. I mean I never started drinking till a couple of years ago and that my friends and I never go to bars. We just stay in of of our friends house. We keep saying 1 day we will go out out and particularly to a gay bar but we never see too.

    I'm out more or less and I want to start dating for a number of reasons. But this made me think am I ready? What am I scared of?
     
    #1 sunnii, Jun 30, 2013
  2. FemCasanova

    FemCasanova
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    Look, this is new for you and new is always scary, for everyone. Maybe it will take a few attempts, but you can do it with some time and patience. I think it`s great that you went to a Yoga thing, Yoga is a lot of fun, and very healthy for your body. Maybe the bar scene isn`t for you, but with a couple of more attempts you can at least find out. A gay bar is still just a bar, the difference is the clientele is more likely to be into you. And usually gay bars have a bit more flair. At least they do where I come from. Don`t be so hard on yourself! You might simply need a little more time. Or, if you find out the bar scene isn`t quite for you, a different hunting ground for dating-material. Maybe an interest group, a dating site or LGBT organization? At least if you make a few new friends, you might have someone to go a bar with. It`s harder when we`re alone, venturing into new ground. But kudos to you for trying! Keep trying, keep going for what you want. You`ll get it :slight_smile:
     
    #2 FemCasanova, Jul 2, 2013
  3. sunnii

    sunnii
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    Thanks for the nice comments Xx :slight_smile: I was a bit nervous before but I wasn't having panic attacks about it. In fact I want to attend a regular class there and plan to attend one on saturday :slight_smile: As I've said before I'm not used to bars. I do overthink things and I'm like "is this an old man's pub" etc. and my social life consists of being staying at my friends flat and hanging out. On nights OUT I get really anxious (i get anxious even going to their flat but more so out and about) but at least when i have a few drinks I calm down (obviously I don't want to get very drunk and make a fool of myself) I do think I'll try again alone if my friends keep avoiding a night outside but i'll need to get some dutch courage lol
     
    #3 sunnii, Jul 3, 2013
  4. FemCasanova

    FemCasanova
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    You`re welcome :slight_smile:

    Just don`t overdo the dutch courage, it could end up doing you more harm than good :wink: I completely agree. A little for courage is fine though. And yeah, bars take a little to get used to, lol. Personally I feel that I`ve outgrown them, but then again I`ve spent a fair share of my time there in the past.

    And over-thinking usually don`t lead to much good either, lol. A healthy balance of thought and decisiveness is usually what I try to go for, but I over-think sometimes as well. I guess it`s easy for that thing between our ears to become almost our enemy, but it can be hard to separate.

    Good luck :grin:
     
    #4 FemCasanova, Jul 5, 2013
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