In need of some sex advice... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Cricket · 3rd Aug 2011, 03:40 PM

My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months now, and we've had sex innumerable times. It is always wonderful, and makes me feel close to her, and loved, and we both feel great afterwards.

However, for a while now I've had this concern...It seems like her orgasms are nearly always more intense, and although she always makes me feel amazing and satisfied, there have been many times where I haven't felt "completed." I take a lot more attention and time than she does to feel satisfied yet never quite reach orgasm, but when I masturbate it takes next to no time at all for me to finish, and it's usually very quick and extreme.

It makes me wonder if I've ever really had an orgasm from her, or if the sensation is just supposed to be different. It isn't causing trouble in our relationship, per say, it's just that it's become harder for me to relax when I have sex with her, because I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm not the most experienced person in this area, as she was my first, and before her I was convinced I liked men.

In any case, if you can be bothered to help me puzzle this out, I would much appreciate it...Sorry for the rant.

Melusine · 3rd Aug 2011, 04:27 PM

I had that same problem. For a while. Why don't you start off slow? You could even make it into a sexy game. Ask her to watch you masturbate. After you have an orgasm you can have sex together. You'll be more relaxed from your previous orgasm which will help with any performance anxiety. Also, don't be afraid to tell your gf what you like.

As for your varying orgasms, some orgasms ARE less intense than others. They are called mini orgasms. When you masturbate, do you focus more on your g spot or clit? I find that I get more intense orgasms from my g spot, rather than my clit. It may be that your girlfriend isn't focusing on the right places.

Be honest with her

. It will help.

Cricket · 3rd Aug 2011, 04:49 PM

Hmmm, I'll try that out. I'm sure the relaxation from masturbating would help...

I tend to focus more on my clit. In fact I'm one of those who is uncertain about where my g-spot is, or if I even have one.

I tell her what I like during sex, but sometimes this causes me to worry I'm being too high-maintenance, especially since she isn't picky at all. I'm a wreck. :' ]

Melusine · 3rd Aug 2011, 05:30 PM

Aw! I'm sorry you're having trouble! Yeah, I'd try the masturbation thing. Not only will it help, but it's very sexy

.

And it's not high maintenance, I promise. I would much rather someone tell me than know I'm not pleasing them o.o! Also, I promise you, sometimes even the most sexually compatible partners don't reach completion from intercourse. Try introducing new things, maybe see if she's up to doing a strip tease for you while you masturbate and offer to do the same for her. There are fun ways to indulge in orgasms without putting all the pressure on sex alone.

I hope this helped!

**Mogget** · 3rd Aug 2011, 05:48 PM

Some people just naturally don't experience orgasms as intense as others. I don't orgasm at all, but that doesn't mean I can't or don't enjoy sex. There's a lot more to sex than orgasm.

flymetothemoon · 3rd Aug 2011, 06:10 PM

Orgasms may be different when you are alone than when you are with someone, but it's also possible that you are worrying about things when you are with her more than when you are by yourself, and you're actually tensing up and making it so that you get a lesser orgasm. I know I catch myself doing it. There's that somewhat uncomfortable have to pee sensation that comes oftentimes before an orgasm, and I often catch myself pulling away or tensing up at that moment when I'm with my girlfriend and it stops things, but if I'm by myself, I'm less worried about that and I just move on past it. So maybe just try to really relax yourself when you are with her too and see if that helps.

Cricket · 3rd Aug 2011, 06:17 PM

Melusine, your advice helps a lot, thank you. : ] I guess I'm just putting too much pressure on myself which isn't helping me relax...It's good to know that it's not anything we're doing wrong, though. I know we're meant to be~
I think flymetothemoon is right about relaxing more. I sometimes get that sensation too, and tense up. I'll try to relax more... Thanks a lot. : ]
In any case I always feel perfect after being with my girlfriend like that, and that's what matters to me most. I love her a lot!

3rd Aug 2011, 03:40 PM	#1
Cricket Chirp chirp... Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian...or rather, my-girlfriend-sexual xD Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 3 Join Date: Aug 2011	In need of some sex advice... My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months now, and we've had sex innumerable times. It is always wonderful, and makes me feel close to her, and loved, and we both feel great afterwards. However, for a while now I've had this concern...It seems like her orgasms are nearly always more intense, and although she always makes me feel amazing and satisfied, there have been many times where I haven't felt "completed." I take a lot more attention and time than she does to feel satisfied yet never quite reach orgasm, but when I masturbate it takes next to no time at all for me to finish, and it's usually very quick and extreme. It makes me wonder if I've ever really had an orgasm from her, or if the sensation is just supposed to be different. It isn't causing trouble in our relationship, per say, it's just that it's become harder for me to relax when I have sex with her, because I feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm not the most experienced person in this area, as she was my first, and before her I was convinced I liked men. In any case, if you can be bothered to help me puzzle this out, I would much appreciate it...Sorry for the rant.

3rd Aug 2011, 04:27 PM	#2
Melusine Member Full Member Gender: Possibly bi-gender, but female most of the time. Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: TN Age: 22 Posts: 85 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: In need of some sex advice... I had that same problem. For a while. Why don't you start off slow? You could even make it into a sexy game. Ask her to watch you masturbate. After you have an orgasm you can have sex together. You'll be more relaxed from your previous orgasm which will help with any performance anxiety. Also, don't be afraid to tell your gf what you like. As for your varying orgasms, some orgasms ARE less intense than others. They are called mini orgasms. When you masturbate, do you focus more on your g spot or clit? I find that I get more intense orgasms from my g spot, rather than my clit. It may be that your girlfriend isn't focusing on the right places. Be honest with her . It will help. __________________ "Heterosexuality is not normal, just common." - Dorothy Parker.

3rd Aug 2011, 04:49 PM	#3
Cricket Chirp chirp... Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian...or rather, my-girlfriend-sexual xD Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 3 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: In need of some sex advice... Hmmm, I'll try that out. I'm sure the relaxation from masturbating would help... I tend to focus more on my clit. In fact I'm one of those who is uncertain about where my g-spot is, or if I even have one. I tell her what I like during sex, but sometimes this causes me to worry I'm being too high-maintenance, especially since she isn't picky at all. I'm a wreck. :' ]

3rd Aug 2011, 05:30 PM	#4
Melusine Member Full Member Gender: Possibly bi-gender, but female most of the time. Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: TN Age: 22 Posts: 85 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: In need of some sex advice... Aw! I'm sorry you're having trouble! Yeah, I'd try the masturbation thing. Not only will it help, but it's very sexy . And it's not high maintenance, I promise. I would much rather someone tell me than know I'm not pleasing them o.o! Also, I promise you, sometimes even the most sexually compatible partners don't reach completion from intercourse. Try introducing new things, maybe see if she's up to doing a strip tease for you while you masturbate and offer to do the same for her. There are fun ways to indulge in orgasms without putting all the pressure on sex alone. I hope this helped! __________________ "Heterosexuality is not normal, just common." - Dorothy Parker.

3rd Aug 2011, 05:48 PM	#5
Mogget Mad and dead as nails EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 5 or 6. It varies Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Alaska Age: 22 Posts: 2,026 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: In need of some sex advice... Some people just naturally don't experience orgasms as intense as others. I don't orgasm at all, but that doesn't mean I can't or don't enjoy sex. There's a lot more to sex than orgasm. __________________ "As to what I am, I once was many things but now I am only several." - Mogget in Sabriel by Garth Nix "The world is quiet here." - VFD

3rd Aug 2011, 06:10 PM	#6
flymetothemoon EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: It's not about gender, I just like people... Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Albany, NY Age: 25 Posts: 467 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: In need of some sex advice... Orgasms may be different when you are alone than when you are with someone, but it's also possible that you are worrying about things when you are with her more than when you are by yourself, and you're actually tensing up and making it so that you get a lesser orgasm. I know I catch myself doing it. There's that somewhat uncomfortable have to pee sensation that comes oftentimes before an orgasm, and I often catch myself pulling away or tensing up at that moment when I'm with my girlfriend and it stops things, but if I'm by myself, I'm less worried about that and I just move on past it. So maybe just try to really relax yourself when you are with her too and see if that helps. __________________ Somehow I can't believe that there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true...curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy. ~ Walt Disney

3rd Aug 2011, 06:17 PM	#7
Cricket Chirp chirp... Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian...or rather, my-girlfriend-sexual xD Out Status: Out to everyone Posts: 3 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: In need of some sex advice... Melusine, your advice helps a lot, thank you. : ] I guess I'm just putting too much pressure on myself which isn't helping me relax...It's good to know that it's not anything we're doing wrong, though. I know we're meant to be~ I think flymetothemoon is right about relaxing more. I sometimes get that sensation too, and tense up. I'll try to relax more... Thanks a lot. : ] In any case I always feel perfect after being with my girlfriend like that, and that's what matters to me most. I love her a lot!

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