I'm fed up with my OCD.

[Lukee]

Hi, my name's Luke and I have OCD. First off, if this is in the wrong topic, please tell me so I can post it there and stop discussing it here, thank you.

Let's start this with where I think my OCD came from. When I was 10, back in '04, something major happened in my family and caused me to not see a whole side of my family, including someone who i saw every day, until this very day. I cannot divulge into further detail, as my family (me and my parents) have decided not to tell people.
But anyway, a month or so after, my mum took me to the doctors because she noticed that I was fidgeting a lot, and the doctor (who we told about the issues, because a family doctor should know something like that) said that it is most probably linked to this event.

Nothing else happened on that for ages, but when I was about 11 or 12, I started to develop small repetitions. I'd do something, and do it to the beam of a hum. And keep doing it until it fit that beat. (Yes, it sounds like fun but it's horrible and deteriorating, and i still do that to this day but for a lot longer and it is seriously frustrating).

Little repetitions and rituals carried on until I was about 14 or 15, when they started getting more frequent, until now. This past year I've developed so many rituals that I've lost count, and I've noticed that it happens in areas that I spent a lot of time, or will notice the same thing in one place. It is really starting to interfere with my life and it's causes me serious discomfort, and hiding it from my family is hard.

I've decided that I really do need to seek help with this problem now. (Sorry if all of my above waffling wasn't needed.) But I'm not sure how to. I don't know if my doctor would be able to help, as he isn't a psychiatric (completely the wrong word). But he COULD refer me to someone. While at the same time, i don't want to go behind my parents backs, and would want their support.

I suppose what I really want out of posting here is to know if anyone can help me, or point me in the right direction of what to do or where to go. Any websites are greatly appreciated also, but I've already read quite a few. I am 99% certain that I have OCD, that 1% of uncertainty is me not wanting to say 100% as I've not had a professional diagnose me.

Again, I apologise for my long, rambling post that probably makes no sense at all, but I'm very willing to clarify any point, or answer any questions if need be. Also, I am gay and not out to my parents, and i'm not sure if that has anything to do with this, so I'm just putting it out there.

Thanks for reading this!

[Steve712]

It's fine. Your doctor can probably refer you to a psychiatrist, if nothing else. Does the NHS provide free counselling for youth? I know we have that in Canada, although there's quite the waiting list. If so, try to book an appointment and talk to them, since they would definitely be able to refer you to a psychiatrist.

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by Steve712

It's fine. Your doctor can probably refer you to a psychiatrist, if nothing else. Does the NHS provide free counselling for youth? I know we have that in Canada, although there's quite the waiting list. If so, try to book an appointment and talk to them, since they would definitely be able to refer you to a psychiatrist.

Yes, i would get free NHS treatment as I'm still in full-time schooling.
But I'm totally fine with seeking help, it's the fact that I want my parents to know about that, because I don't want to do it alone. I've only ever discussed my OCD with one friend before, and it's horrible talking about it. But thanks for replyng.

[Mogget]

A psychiatrist (ideally combined with a therapist) is the route to go here. The psychiatrist to prescribe medication that will help break your habits, a therapist to help you develop coping skills to manage your urge to perform various rituals.

Coming out to parents about having a mental illness is tough. It's something that a therapist would be able to help you with, though.

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by Liam

A psychiatrist (ideally combined with a therapist) is the route to go here. The psychiatrist to prescribe medication that will help break your habits, a therapist to help you develop coping skills to manage your urge to perform various rituals.

Coming out to parents about having a mental illness is tough. It's something that a therapist would be able to help you with, though.

That sounds like a good plan, I might write that down for future reference. :P

And I'd rather tell them before I seek any help at all. I'd rather not go behind their backs and do something, we tell each other everything and we treat each other as equals, as if we were all the same age. And it would be REALLY awkward saying "Hey, i've been seeing a therapist, and i need to tell you... etc", because it would mean that I've done something major without involving them. Even if they had no involvement at all, i just want them to know. Maybe I should just go and see what happens first.

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2011 at 10:18 PM ----------

And I have also read about lots of medication.
I REALLY do not want to take medication, but fear that I might have to.

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by Liam

A psychiatrist (ideally combined with a therapist) is the route to go here. The psychiatrist to prescribe medication that will help break your habits, a therapist to help you develop coping skills to manage your urge to perform various rituals.

Coming out to parents about having a mental illness is tough. It's something that a therapist would be able to help you with, though.

THIS ^

It's hard to talk about mental illness, but the reality is, it sounds like you've got a pretty good relationship with your parents, yes? It should be okay even if it's hard to have the conversation initially. The other thing is, you could go see a therapist by yourself first, talk to him/her about the fact you might have OCD AND discuss how to talk to your parents about it. You could also bring them into a session and have the talk WITH a therapist there. That's always doable too. But if you'd prefer to tell them everything before you go, then my best advice is bring a little research to the table with you. Say "hey, guys. there's this thing I need to talk to you about..." tell them what's going on and then bring in some information you've read and why you think it's OCD and you need to see someone about it.

It sounds like you're already in a pretty good place to do this, you have an idea of what's wrong and what you'd like to do about it. That makes talking about it with parents a lot more productive and fruitful.

Keep us updated on what's happening

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by thedreamwatch

THIS ^

It's hard to talk about mental illness, but the reality is, it sounds like you've got a pretty good relationship with your parents, yes? It should be okay even if it's hard to have the conversation initially. The other thing is, you could go see a therapist by yourself first, talk to him/her about the fact you might have OCD AND discuss how to talk to your parents about it. You could also bring them into a session and have the talk WITH a therapist there. That's always doable too. But if you'd prefer to tell them everything before you go, then my best advice is bring a little research to the table with you. Say "hey, guys. there's this thing I need to talk to you about..." tell them what's going on and then bring in some information you've read and why you think it's OCD and you need to see someone about it.

It sounds like you're already in a pretty good place to do this, you have an idea of what's wrong and what you'd like to do about it. That makes talking about it with parents a lot more productive and fruitful.

Keep us updated on what's happening

I think I might try and do something first, see how it goes just once, and then talk to them about it. I don't want to have a session with my parents there at all. I don't want them to know just how crazy I am. :P
And I think your idea about just sitting them down, telling them that I believe I have this, tell them that I'm going to get help and will keep them informed along the way, and talk to them about what it is, etc. beforehand.

And I've read so much about it, I feel like I could prescribe someone medicine right now.
But all joking aside, thank you so much for posting. I really appreciate everyone's opinions and help, and I might just do this. I'll certainly update this thread when I do things, or make new threads.

[Chandra]

Originally Posted by Lukee

And I have also read about lots of medication.
I REALLY do not want to take medication, but fear that I might have to.

I have suffered with OCD for the better part of two decades, and I was able to mostly cure myself of the repetitive and compulsive behaviours without the use of medication. So I would recommend trying to work through it with a therapist and see if you can try some behaviour modification techniques first. Each person is different, of course, and it may turn out that you will need medication, but it's worth trying other avenues first if you'd prefer to avoid it.

With regards to telling your parents, maybe you could point them to a website such as NIMH's information page on OCD, and then have a discussion afterwards about how it's affecting you?

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by Lukee

Hi, my name's Luke and I have OCD. First off, if this is in the wrong topic, please tell me so I can post it there and stop discussing it here, thank you.

Let's start this with where I think my OCD came from. When I was 10, back in '04, something major happened in my family and caused me to not see a whole side of my family, including someone who i saw every day, until this very day. I cannot divulge into further detail, as my family (me and my parents) have decided not to tell people.

Let me dispel something- that your OCD came from a specific event.

From what we know of OCD, it's a different pattern of brain functioning. It's inherent and seems to have a biochemical basis in brain chemistry. This abnormality has both good and bad features. For some people it results in a very organized and structured thinking. For others, it results in compulsive behaviors.

There may be an inherent predisposition to OCD and there may be a triggering event like a bacterial or viral infection. Environmental factors may make it worse, but more than likely, if you have OCD, it's something that was going to happen regardless of what happened in 2004.

Originally Posted by Lukee

Little repetitions and rituals carried on until I was about 14 or 15, .... This past year I've developed so many rituals that I've lost count, ... It is really starting to interfere with my life and it's causes me serious discomfort, and hiding it from my family is hard.

You've said the key phrase "It is really starting to interfere with my life".

The first step is for you to get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist for testing.

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by Chandra

I have suffered with OCD for the better part of two decades, and I was able to mostly cure myself of the repetitive and compulsive behaviours without the use of medication. So I would recommend trying to work through it with a therapist and see if you can try some behaviour modification techniques first. Each person is different, of course, and it may turn out that you will need medication, but it's worth trying other avenues first if you'd prefer to avoid it.

With regards to telling your parents, maybe you could point them to a website such as NIMH's information page on OCD, and then have a discussion afterwards about how it's affecting you?

Hey,
It's great to hear that you were able to stop your compulsions without needing to take medications, and I hope that I will also be able to. If not, I will be researching any drug i take before I go anywhere near it.

Thank you for the website, i have saved it in my bookmarks and will read it tomorrow.
Did you manage to cure it yourself by resisting the urge, or did you see a therapist?
If you don't mind me asking, that is.

---------- Post added 12th Aug 2011 at 12:38 AM ----------

Thanks for your post, Kara.
I've read about what you've just talked about, but wondered if it could have triggered it at all, as it seemed to start after that, but thank you for putting me right.

I assume that your advice is for me to get to a doctor for a referral?

[Mogget]

<Liam climbs up on soapbox>

Let's talk a little bit about psychiatric medication and what it does, and doesn't, do. The mechanisms by which psychiatric medications work tend to be a bit hazy, we generally know more about the effects of certain drugs than the precise way they work. And by and large, they do work. Anti-depressants stabilize moods, anti-psychotics remove or lessen distressing delusions, anti-anxiety medications calm people down.

A lot of people are resistant to taking psychiatric medications. There are three forms that these objections normally take. The first is "I want to do it without help." Getting any form of help for mental illness often feels like weakness, and medication even moreso.

This is because of our culture's stigma regarding mental illness. A mental illness is no different from a physical illness or injury. It requires work to recover. No one tries to recover from a broken leg on their own (except perhaps Christian Scientists). They accept the cast and the pain medication as a necessary part of recovery. It is the same with mental illnesses. Except for very mild mental illnesses, they require outside help for recovery to happen.

The second objection is "The side effects are too strong." Some of this objection is legitimate, but a lot of it is based on the effects of psychiatric medications from two or three decades ago. In the dark days of early psychiatry, the only medications were sedatives. They worked, but they made it hard for people to live their lives to the fullest. While many psychiatric medications do have strong side effects, these effects are much less debilitating than they used to be. In general, psychiatric medications allow people to live their lives more fully than they did before.

The third objection is "I don't want my personality/thinking to be altered." This stems again from stigma regarding mental illness. If someone is experiencing a mental illness, they like have disordered thinking. Thinking that, once corrected, will allow them to live their lives more fully and allow their true personality to emerge. Mental illnesses mask personality with out-of-proportion emotions and behavior, and psychiatric medications take away the mask.

None of which is to say that medication should be used before or in lieu of therapy. I believe it's almost always best to try therapy first, but no one should be afraid to take medication if they are so advised.

</soapbox>

[Chandra]

^Personally, my main objection to medication is that I prefer to limit intake of anything synthetic or chemical into my body, but points well taken.

Originally Posted by Lukee

Did you manage to cure it yourself by resisting the urge, or did you see a therapist?
If you don't mind me asking, that is.

I don't mind at all. As it happens I did not see a therapist, although I believe it would have been helpful. Basically I became so fed up with how the repetitive rituals were taking over my daily life (and occasionally embarrassing me in front of friends or family) that I decided I was simply going to stop doing them.

I knew logically that the rituals I was acting out would have no real effect on the obsessive fears I was having (e.g. this terrible thing isn't really going to happen if I fail to touch the door handle three times; it just feels that way), so I challenged myself to just try not doing them and see what happened. I started small, consciously stopping myself from performing repetitive behaviours for an hour a day, and then two hours, and then a whole morning, and eventually a whole day at a time. I think in this way I was able to change the neural pathways in my brain that triggered the behaviours, and eventually I stopped feeling the need to perform them. (For the most part - I still have the odd tic, but it's nowhere near as invasive as it used to be.) The hardest part was getting over the mantras I used to chant in my head, and of course the repetitive actions that I would do semi-subconsciously without fully being aware of it.

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2011 at 05:45 PM ----------

Eesh, it skeeves me out a bit how even talking about this brings back the sensation of the urge to perform compulsive actions. But now it's more of a memory of how it used to feel than an actual need to do them.

[Zontar]

In the end, you just have to determine whether or not the benefits of medication will outweigh the side-effects.

I have had mild to moderate OCD all my life, but it never impacted my functioning on a level enough to justify taking medication, and by extension, compromising anything affected by its side-effects. Best way I can describe it is a "pain in the ass" rather than a life-ruiner.

If you feel you're functioning fine on a day to day basis, then I would advise not going on medication. In a way, it's like a surgery. You don't choose these procedures willy-nilly; they're powerful tools for recovery and command a certain respect. There are a lot of doctors and psychiatrists who are quick to push pills on you, but you should not take them unless you are suffering a significant impact on day-to-day functioning.

My personal opinion is to treat the medication option as a valid last-resort option, not first-line. Don't go on medication because it will "help" or "speed recovery." Better done slowly the right way rather than fucking things up trying to recover in two minutes. OCD can and has been treated with non-pharmacological therapy and a significant part of treatment is this exact therapy.

On the flip side, don't discount medication if you're worsening or not showing any significant progress with therapy alone. At that point, I would say the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

And never go on a pill without accompanying therapy.

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by Lukee

Thanks for your post, Kara.
I've read about what you've just talked about, but wondered if it could have triggered it at all, as it seemed to start after that, but thank you for putting me right.

I assume that your advice is for me to get to a doctor for a referral?

Yes, that is my advice.

At the moment, you have a bunch of indeterminate symptoms but no diagnosis. Testing and diagnosis are really the first step in this process.

And once you have a diagnosis, if it is OCD then you can talk with your physician or therapist about the options and determine which option works for you.

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by Liam

<Liam climbs up on soapbox>

The second objection is "The side effects are too strong." Some of this objection is legitimate, but a lot of it is based on the effects of psychiatric medications from two or three decades ago. In the dark days of early psychiatry, the only medications were sedatives. They worked, but they made it hard for people to live their lives to the fullest. While many psychiatric medications do have strong side effects, these effects are much less debilitating than they used to be. In general, psychiatric medications allow people to live their lives more fully than they did before.

None of which is to say that medication should be used before or in lieu of therapy. I believe it's almost always best to try therapy first, but no one should be afraid to take medication if they are so advised.

^This.
My mindset is that I don't want to take medication, because of the side effects. Because I know that /some/ medication can help you in one aspect, whereas it deteriorates another part of your body.

But if I try therapy, and that does not work, I might have to take medication. But I would always take it in conjunction with therapy, and not discontinue that at all.

---------- Post added 12th Aug 2011 at 02:14 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Chandra

^Personally, my main objection to medication is that I prefer to limit intake of anything synthetic or chemical into my body, but points well taken.

I don't mind at all. As it happens I did not see a therapist, although I believe it would have been helpful. Basically I became so fed up with how the repetitive rituals were taking over my daily life (and occasionally embarrassing me in front of friends or family) that I decided I was simply going to stop doing them.

I knew logically that the rituals I was acting out would have no real effect on the obsessive fears I was having (e.g. this terrible thing isn't really going to happen if I fail to touch the door handle three times; it just feels that way), so I challenged myself to just try not doing them and see what happened. I started small, consciously stopping myself from performing repetitive behaviours for an hour a day, and then two hours, and then a whole morning, and eventually a whole day at a time. I think in this way I was able to change the neural pathways in my brain that triggered the behaviours, and eventually I stopped feeling the need to perform them. (For the most part - I still have the odd tic, but it's nowhere near as invasive as it used to be.) The hardest part was getting over the mantras I used to chant in my head, and of course the repetitive actions that I would do semi-subconsciously without fully being aware of it.

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2011 at 05:45 PM ----------

Eesh, it skeeves me out a bit how even talking about this brings back the sensation of the urge to perform compulsive actions. But now it's more of a memory of how it used to feel than an actual need to do them.

Is is amazing to hear that you got through it on your own, you must have some serious self control!
I've managed to block out doing some rituals sometimes, but after a few times of ignoring them, I manage to develop a different one, but around the same 'subject'. Which is highly irritating.

And also, what do you mean by 'mantra'? I think I know what you mean, but could you please clarify?

---------- Post added 12th Aug 2011 at 02:27 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Zontar

In the end, you just have to determine whether or not the benefits of medication will outweigh the side-effects.

I have had mild to moderate OCD all my life, but it never impacted my functioning on a level enough to justify taking medication, and by extension, compromising anything affected by its side-effects. Best way I can describe it is a "pain in the ass" rather than a life-ruiner.

If you feel you're functioning fine on a day to day basis, then I would advise not going on medication. In a way, it's like a surgery. You don't choose these procedures willy-nilly; they're powerful tools for recovery and command a certain respect. There are a lot of doctors and psychiatrists who are quick to push pills on you, but you should not take them unless you are suffering a significant impact on day-to-day functioning.

My personal opinion is to treat the medication option as a valid last-resort option, not first-line. Don't go on medication because it will "help" or "speed recovery." Better done slowly the right way rather than fucking things up trying to recover in two minutes. OCD can and has been treated with non-pharmacological therapy and a significant part of treatment is this exact therapy.

On the flip side, don't discount medication if you're worsening or not showing any significant progress with therapy alone. At that point, I would say the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

And never go on a pill without accompanying therapy.

I would never go on a pill without justification, or looking into it first. And I would definitely do it in conjunction with therapy. I put a little about this in my last answer to someone.

In regards to my day-to-day functionality, I'd say that I'm living a normal life. But I live in the same space all of the time, which is how I start to get my rituals. At home, I have loads for every room I'm in, but if it's outside of my house, somewhere where I don't spend much time, I'll be completely fine.
Apart from lights. Wherever there is a light, I will 'look at it funny' (quoted from a friend. D.
But because nobody sees me doing my rituals outside of my house, which is where I usually meet my friends, they don't know about my OCD, because they don't see it firsthand.

And my parents don't know about it because I somehow manage to do them when they can't see. :P

But although I'm living a kind of normal life, they realy do get annoying, and prolong any activity I do. Just walking from my bedroom, downstairs, to outside, I perform around 19 small rituals. I just counted and did not realise that it's quite so many. I just feel like it's time to put a stop to this.

---------- Post added 12th Aug 2011 at 02:31 PM ----------

Originally Posted by KaraBulut

Yes, that is my advice.

At the moment, you have a bunch of indeterminate symptoms but no diagnosis. Testing and diagnosis are really the first step in this process.

And once you have a diagnosis, if it is OCD then you can talk with your physician or therapist about the options and determine which option works for you.

Yes, I really do need a diagnosis.
And I've never met a therapist. Or heard about someone going to one ever. It's never really mentioned here in the UK, so I have no idea what would happen or anything.

[maverick]

I have a lot of OCD behaviors as well (listing, counting, etc...) and I know you said you don't want to medicate, but if you do end up having to medicate, I have found a very low dose of Zoloft alleviates almost all of my tics. Not to mention depression and anxiety, which is what I actually got the prescription for.

The medication has been overwhelmingly helpful to me, and I was very anti-meds before I went on them (in fact, it is the first standing perscription for anything I've ever had). The only bad things about Zoloft I've found so far:

- The start-up side effects do suck (extreme mood swings, gastrointestinal distress, insomnia). Good news: They only last about a week. Bad news: You'll probably get them each time you adjust your dosage.

- Your body (and your moods) will become biologically dependent on the medication. If you go off it cold turkey, you will suffer withdrawal symptoms. I learned this the hard way by accidentally letting my prescription lapse, and it's probably the most out-of-control I've ever felt over my mind and emotions in my life. I was literally bursting into tears over nothing and felt physically ill.

- I have gained about 20 pounds since I started taking it. Someone less sedentary than me would probably not have as much a problem with it though.

- It takes at least a month to really kick in. So you have to be patient.

[Lukee]

Originally Posted by maverick

I have a lot of OCD behaviors as well (listing, counting, etc...) and I know you said you don't want to medicate, but if you do end up having to medicate, I have found a very low dose of Zoloft alleviates almost all of my tics. Not to mention depression and anxiety, which is what I actually got the prescription for.

The medication has been overwhelmingly helpful to me, and I was very anti-meds before I went on them (in fact, it is the first standing perscription for anything I've ever had). The only bad things about Zoloft I've found so far:

- The start-up side effects do suck (extreme mood swings, gastrointestinal distress, insomnia). Good news: They only last about a week. Bad news: You'll probably get them each time you adjust your dosage.

- Your body (and your moods) will become biologically dependent on the medication. If you go off it cold turkey, you will suffer withdrawal symptoms. I learned this the hard way by accidentally letting my prescription lapse, and it's probably the most out-of-control I've ever felt over my mind and emotions in my life. I was literally bursting into tears over nothing and felt physically ill.

- I have gained about 20 pounds since I started taking it. Someone less sedentary than me would probably not have as much a problem with it though.

- It takes at least a month to really kick in. So you have to be patient.

Hmm, I wouldn't say that I'm anti-meds, rather I only want to take them if I really have to. I don't want a pill to be the answer to everything.

I can deal with start-up effects. Those don't actually sound as bad to me as some things could get. But I don't want to become dependant on drugs, but if they will cure this, then I suppose I don't mind too much.

And I've been dealing with this for ages, so being patient and having to wait a while won't phase me much at all.

Thank you for this, it's a great insight.

[thylvin]

A lot of people gave you good advice here. All I add is this.

What you might have is that what ever happened to you in the past might actually your biggest problem today.

but instead of seeing a psychiatrist, I would advice you to rather see a therapist. Medication will not help with this kind of problem that you have.

Let me explain why I think so....

What happened to you, you did not get over it. You might have blocked it, but you have not really worked through the issues around it. A therapist will be the best to do that. The little repetitious habits you developed and is developing is one of the consequences of not working through your issues. These repetitions is a way for your mind to fill in blank areas you have locked in a deep dark secret room in you mind.

By working through these issues, opening that door and get to terms with it, these repetitions will slowly start to ebb away. But in order for it to work, you have to be willing to work through these issues and everything that are the problem areas in your life, no matter how dark, nightmarish it may be, you have to tackle it head on.

As for your folks, talk to them, tell them that you think you may have developed a kind of mental illness and would like to see a therapist to help you work through all your issues. Tell them that you past problem might have been the cause of this and that you really haven't work through it. Tell them it is imperative that you get all their support. Tell them it might be that the therapist might need them too on a session or two to get a clearer picture of exactly how this even affected you and your family. Who knows, your parents might also benefit from this. You can maybe even use the therapist to help you get out to your folks and he/she can help your folks work through this if you think they might have a problem of you being gay.

If you do need a psychiatrist the therapist will tell you and then also recommend you to the one who he/she will think is the best able to help you in this situation.

[Lukee]

Thanks, but I really have no issues with what happened in the past. I fully understand what you are saying here, but I know that it's not the case.

However, i have no idea what the difference is between all of these health care professionals. I feel I'd be able to reply better if I knew what defined them from each other.

And I like your way of talking to my parents about it, I think I'm going to ask them about it tomorrow.

[Mogget]

Psychologists, therapists, and counselors are trained in various forms of "talk therapy." They will teach you mental tricks and coping skills, discuss your fears and worries, help you to find better things to do with your mind and body than your various rituals.

Psychiatrists and psychiatric nurses prescribe medication that will break up the circuits in your brain that make you need to perform the rituals.