Aspergers & sexual abuse

[faultyat40]

I'm gay with Aspergers, and have struggled to deal with both. I was also sexually abused in my pre and early teens. I spent many years in therapy trying to 'cure' the traits and behaviours that I and my therapists assigned to having been abused. More recently I was diagnosed with Aspergers which has offered a far better and more resonant explanation for my relationship difficulties eg not liking being touched, difficulties with intimacy, anger problems, coldness etc. It also helps me to understand other characteristics that are not easily related to abuse, such as obsessiveness.
The key for me is that I have successfully moved on from some traits such as dissociation during sex, but not others which I seem to have no control over.

Is anyone else in the same situation? How have you dealt with it? How have you separated Aspergic characteristics from responses to abuse?

Also are kids with Aspergers more vulnerable to sexual abuse?

[Mercy]

OMG hugs to you my dear
and yes they sure are

[Chip]

Hi.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. Perhaps it helps to know you're far from alone; about 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused as children, and the effects can be very long lasting as you know.

I'm not aware of any studies or other information correlating Aspergers to sexual abuse, and I can definitely see why it would be extremely confusing and frustrating trying to separate out the two issues when they both have similar issues.

The important thing to know is that the sexual abuse issues can definitely be healed over time, and the Aspergers issues you can learn to work with in a way that should not impact your ability to have a healthy life and relationships.

You might email BlairSW, our staff social worker. He is pretty familiar with both Asperger's (having worked with quite a few people living with Asperger's) and with sexual abuse, having counseled a number of abuse survivors. So he may have more information that can help, or be able to point you to resources.

Also, if you are over 21, there is a really good online community for male sexual abuse survivors that might be really helpful to you. PM me and I'll share the info with you.

The important thing is to keep your chin up and not allow yourself to get too down about this... it presents some challenges, but none that you can't overcome

[faultyat40]

Thanks Chip

The issue for me is the difference between behaviours that can be healed because they are caused by abuse (& so learned I guess) and those that can only be managed because they are part of me. I'll email BlairSW as you suggest.

Thanks for the tip re abuse group - I am in touch with one and have been to mike lew workshops. I've moved beyond being a victim of abuse to feeling like a survivor - I'm now trying to come to terms with Aspergers and understand which of the behaviours I exhibit that inhibit arejus part of me because of it.

I guess there comes a timevwhen you have to move past therapy and trying to 'develop'...