College, new people, HUGE anxiety

[Bi As A Kite]

I was gonna put this in Chit-Chat as a general college freshers thread, but I want some serious advice on this.

Just started college, on day 3 now. it's a good group, the stuff we're learning is really interesting, yada yada yada.

But...while i want to make friends and even date someone (you just never know), i just get incredibly anxious about...even just being around these new people. I'm sitting here at home on a day off and my guts are churning just thinking about it, and i can't stop thinking about it. A lot of the 'group' that i'm kinda tagging along with have loud-ish, 'random' personalities, quite outgoing, where i'm quiet, articulate, and operate better and easier in a small group. in a large one i just feel overshadowed and even squashed a bit by the larger personalities. I desperatley want to have some friends, but feel like the proverbial white elephant, almost like i don't want to force myself on these people. as stupid as that sounds, that's how it feels. I even have a small crush on one person, but i'd be scared to just single him out and go HI! HOW YA DOIN?! . We talk here and there, but almost only when we're physically near each other by coincidence. They're all so happy and free and talkative and NORMAL, where i mumble, trip over my words, and...this is all hard to put into words, so please bear with me.

Feels like the closer i get to the college in the morning, the further into my shell i go and hide. It's all in my head, but i can't turn off this endless anxiety and fear. I couldn't even tell you what I'm actually in fear of. It's so weird.

I almost want to wear a sign saying Hi, I'd love to get to know each and every one of you but I'm incredibly shy. As soon as i do speak to someone about almost anything, I want to kick myself because my nerves slow down a natural warmth and wit that does exist somewhere but vanishes when I'm around these people. My mouth dries up instantly, even straight after a sip of water.

And...at the start of a break, I can go the loo and answer the call of nature BUT lose te group/crowd, or join them and be holding in a piss for the next three hours.


Help!

[olides84]

It's pretty weak advice, but I'd say just hang in there. Keep with your group of people because you've gotten to know them and be somewhat comfortable with them. You're only in day 3! What you'll find as the weeks start passing, is that you become busier and everyone gets on different schedules, so you'll be doing things (eat, talk) in a big group much less. So then you'll get in situations where you'll just have a quiet meal with just one or a couple others that you know and that should make conversations more comfortable.

[maverick]

A lot of the 'group' that i'm kinda tagging along with have loud-ish, 'random' personalities, quite outgoing, where i'm quiet, articulate, and operate better and easier in a small group. in a large one i just feel overshadowed and even squashed a bit by the larger personalities.

In my experience at college, loudmouths and quiet people complement each other pretty well, and every successful friend tribe needs at least one quiet person to balance it.

In my friend group in college I was the softspoken one (not the only quiet person, but one of only a few) and I hung out with mainly loud, dramatic people. I found that they appreciated my ability to just sit back and listen to their stories without interruption or competing for talking space, while I appreciated their ability to pull me out of my shell and make me more sociable.

Stick it out, and try breaking the large group up a little and get to know some people one on one.

[Bi As A Kite]

Thanks everyone! I can't believe I made this thread, had a luvley day today with about 5% of this anxiety. Amazing! And i got some just-us-two time with my new crush...thank you universe

[greeneyes]

Just to reiterate - hang in there!

As a sophomore in college, I should say that the first few people you meet may not be your friends that you continue to hang out with throughout college, and/or you'll meet more people and find someone or a group of people whom you feel more comfortable with.

I found that joining extracurriculars or social groups helped me - especially interest-specific groups since I met people who enjoyed the same things I did.