Embarrassing question - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Mlpguy88 · 18th Dec 2011, 09:25 PM

I've wanted to ask this question since I first joined this site but I've been to embarrassed.

So here it goes, the thing is I'm 21 and still a virgin, The few sexual things I've done aren't enough to talk about. I've been blaming this on living in denial for so long, plus the fact that I'm a really shy person. But I'm 21, I don't know how to feel about this, part of me says it's okay, but another part of me says I'm a freak. Any thoughts?

breakingboxes · 18th Dec 2011, 09:29 PM

I think it is just fine. Its not good or bad. It is just you. You are not a freak at all!!

alan t · 18th Dec 2011, 09:33 PM

Its perfectly ok and normal

I'm 27 so if you're already calling yourself a freak then...I dont even know

19th Dec 2011, 12:38 AM

perfectly normal and fine. you can be 31 or 41 and still a virgin. just because people lose their virginity earlier does not mean that it is wrong or weird for you to still be a virgin. everyone is on their own timetable and so are you. do it when you feel right and when you are in the type of relationship you really want to be in.

aerwolfen · 23rd Dec 2011, 12:19 AM

I think alot of people worry too much in life based on labels and such, I personally didn't lose my virginity until after my 30th birthday,.that was 18 years ago when back then wasn't heard of,but the main point was ,its my body and I wasn't ready.Be yourself ,when the right time comes it will vcome who cares how old you will be then. Its the bond together that really counts.

Jessica816 · 23rd Dec 2011, 12:53 AM

I'm 22 and wish that I would've waited, I was 14 when I lost my virginity. One of the biggest regrets I have..Sooo you my friend a perfectly normal and ill admit, I envy you for waiting.

Robert · 23rd Dec 2011, 02:08 AM

You're gay. And you're closeted. Its to be expected.

What would you class as losing your virginity anyway? By some peoples standards, I'm still a virgin.

**KaraBulut** · 23rd Dec 2011, 05:00 AM

It's not an embarassing question.

There's a time and place for everything. Too many people find themselves having sex the first time "just to get it over with". The sex is often not that great and it's basically a situation where two people end up using each other.

The question that you need to ask yourself is whether the problem is that you haven't had sex or whether the problem is that you're not getting out there, socializeing, making friends, meeting people, dating, etc.

Uniboth · 23rd Dec 2011, 05:11 AM

I'm 25 and have not had sex...it sucks but meh.

Considering the life I lead right now, I don't really know when I'll ever be able to understand intimacy. I have no guts and need to be approach before I get a clue. I hope you're not the same because the longer you wait the harder it is to get out. Don't be a wimp like me...

silverhalo · 23rd Dec 2011, 03:19 PM

Its perfectly normal I was a virgin till I was 26.

Mlpguy88 · 24th Dec 2011, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaraBulut

It's not an embarassing question.

There's a time and place for everything. Too many people find themselves having sex the first time "just to get it over with". The sex is often not that great and it's basically a situation where two people end up using each other.

The question that you need to ask yourself is whether the problem is that you haven't had sex or whether the problem is that you're not getting out there, socializeing, making friends, meeting people, dating, etc.

My biggest problem is that I don't get out there. I don't know what it is, but I have never been able to make friends easily.

---------- Post added 24th Dec 2011 at 11:13 AM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert

You're gay. And you're closeted. Its to be expected.

What would you class as losing your virginity anyway? By some peoples standards, I'm still a virgin.

I'm not sure what classifies as losing my virginity, but it has to be more than I have done. The most I have ever done was with a friend of mine in high school, and her and I mostly just used our hands for things. I really wish we hadn't, it ruined our friendship, I haven't seen her in almost three years. She doesn't know that the only reason I did it was to try and make myself straight. I hope she doesn't hate me for it.

Marlowe · 24th Dec 2011, 01:09 PM

I'm 22 and my distinguished list of sexual exploits is in its totality: five seconds of drunk making out with some random girl, and about a half dozen kissed with a girl I dated for about four weeks. Obviously, I wasn't going to do much with a girl and being closeted, I couldn't be in a relationship, the only context in which I could imagine being physically intimate with someone. I think we make too much of a big deal of virginity. I don't think of myself as a virgin but rather that I just haven't had sex yet.

Right now it sounds like your biggest problem is not that you need to get out there, so much as you need to come out. Unless you are into clandestine hookups, the reality is that not much is going to happen in your love life until you come out. And honestly, that is alright if you are alright with it. Come out when you feel ready. Don't let society dictate that you need to get laid, but on the other hand, also don't let society keep you from coming either. It is your body, your life, and your choice. Don't compare yourself to others. Rather try to make decisions that make your happy.

J Snow · 24th Dec 2011, 02:45 PM

I was 20 when my first time, and I had it with a stranger I met online just to lose my v card. It sucked, and you should wait until you meet someone you want to have sex with.

andersonh09 · 24th Dec 2011, 02:51 PM

You're definitely not a freak. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21, you shouldn't feel weird just because kids are starting to lose their virginity at a younger age. Wait until the right moment for you, with the right person, try not to feel pressured by society.

Mlpguy88 · 24th Dec 2011, 06:30 PM

I think the part that I'm really worried about is when then opportunity comes, the guy I'm with might be to weird-ed out by me being a virgin. I feel like the longer I wait the more awkward it will be.

**KaraBulut** · 25th Dec 2011, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaraBulut

The question that you need to ask yourself is whether the problem is that you haven't had sex or whether the problem is that you're not getting out there, socializeing, making friends, meeting people, dating, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mlpguy88

My biggest problem is that I don't get out there. I don't know what it is, but I have never been able to make friends easily.

Well, maybe instead of worrying about losing your virginity (which is a vague concept in the gay world), maybe you should focus on improving your social skills and finding opportunities to meet and get to know other people.

Work on your social life and the rest will fall into place in good time.

Free JDR · 25th Dec 2011, 08:59 AM

Never put pressure on that. What matters now is that you know and trust your own judgements! if it's your choice then go with it!

18th Dec 2011, 09:25 PM	#1
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Embarrassing question I've wanted to ask this question since I first joined this site but I've been to embarrassed. So here it goes, the thing is I'm 21 and still a virgin, The few sexual things I've done aren't enough to talk about. I've been blaming this on living in denial for so long, plus the fact that I'm a really shy person. But I'm 21, I don't know how to feel about this, part of me says it's okay, but another part of me says I'm a freak. Any thoughts?

18th Dec 2011, 09:29 PM	#2
breakingboxes Happily Married. :) Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: USA Age: 21 Posts: 438 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I think it is just fine. Its not good or bad. It is just you. You are not a freak at all!!

18th Dec 2011, 09:33 PM	#3
alan t EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: ontario, canada Age: 27 Posts: 340 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Embarrassing question Its perfectly ok and normal I'm 27 so if you're already calling yourself a freak then...I dont even know

19th Dec 2011, 12:38 AM	#4
insidehappy Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Embarrassing question perfectly normal and fine. you can be 31 or 41 and still a virgin. just because people lose their virginity earlier does not mean that it is wrong or weird for you to still be a virgin. everyone is on their own timetable and so are you. do it when you feel right and when you are in the type of relationship you really want to be in.

23rd Dec 2011, 12:19 AM	#5
aerwolfen Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: and a few friends Location: winnipeg manitoba Age: 49 Posts: 178 Join Date: Mar 2009	Re: Embarrassing question I think alot of people worry too much in life based on labels and such, I personally didn't lose my virginity until after my 30th birthday,.that was 18 years ago when back then wasn't heard of,but the main point was ,its my body and I wasn't ready.Be yourself ,when the right time comes it will vcome who cares how old you will be then. Its the bond together that really counts. __________________ if your looking for me,when times are rough,and your feeling abit odd,jump onto my rainbow,it leads to cloud nine,no worries,I'll be there with open arms and a hug for peaceful bliss.

23rd Dec 2011, 12:53 AM	#6
Jessica816 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bi-romantic lesbian? Still working on it Out Status: Out loud and so very proud Location: Kansas city, Mo Age: 23 Posts: 255 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I'm 22 and wish that I would've waited, I was 14 when I lost my virginity. One of the biggest regrets I have..Sooo you my friend a perfectly normal and ill admit, I envy you for waiting. __________________ "Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."

23rd Dec 2011, 02:08 AM	#7
Robert EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male ♂ Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: World Posts: 971 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Embarrassing question You're gay. And you're closeted. Its to be expected. What would you class as losing your virginity anyway? By some peoples standards, I'm still a virgin. __________________ "I am like a mirror that dares not be what nature made it, but feels obligated, always, to reflect what surrounds it." - Frederick II of Prussia. "England is a Prison" - Gerrard Winstanley

23rd Dec 2011, 05:00 AM	#8
KaraBulut EC Health Expert EC Expert Gender: Male Location: US Posts: 3,969 Join Date: Mar 2008	Re: Embarrassing question It's not an embarassing question. There's a time and place for everything. Too many people find themselves having sex the first time "just to get it over with". The sex is often not that great and it's basically a situation where two people end up using each other. The question that you need to ask yourself is whether the problem is that you haven't had sex or whether the problem is that you're not getting out there, socializeing, making friends, meeting people, dating, etc.

23rd Dec 2011, 05:11 AM	#9
Uniboth Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Posts: 138 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I'm 25 and have not had sex...it sucks but meh. Considering the life I lead right now, I don't really know when I'll ever be able to understand intimacy. I have no guts and need to be approach before I get a clue. I hope you're not the same because the longer you wait the harder it is to get out. Don't be a wimp like me...

23rd Dec 2011, 03:19 PM	#10
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,166 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: Embarrassing question Its perfectly normal I was a virgin till I was 26.

24th Dec 2011, 01:09 PM	#12
Marlowe Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: The people who matter Age: 22 Posts: 247 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I'm 22 and my distinguished list of sexual exploits is in its totality: five seconds of drunk making out with some random girl, and about a half dozen kissed with a girl I dated for about four weeks. Obviously, I wasn't going to do much with a girl and being closeted, I couldn't be in a relationship, the only context in which I could imagine being physically intimate with someone. I think we make too much of a big deal of virginity. I don't think of myself as a virgin but rather that I just haven't had sex yet. Right now it sounds like your biggest problem is not that you need to get out there, so much as you need to come out. Unless you are into clandestine hookups, the reality is that not much is going to happen in your love life until you come out. And honestly, that is alright if you are alright with it. Come out when you feel ready. Don't let society dictate that you need to get laid, but on the other hand, also don't let society keep you from coming either. It is your body, your life, and your choice. Don't compare yourself to others. Rather try to make decisions that make your happy.

24th Dec 2011, 02:45 PM	#13
J Snow EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Sex - Male, Gender -Female/bigender/not quite sure Orientation: Primarily interested in men. Out Status: fairly out about sexuality, gender not so much Location: Des Moines, Iowa Age: 22 Posts: 1,392 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I was 20 when my first time, and I had it with a stranger I met online just to lose my v card. It sucked, and you should wait until you meet someone you want to have sex with. __________________ "You don't need to hide my friend, for I am just like you."

24th Dec 2011, 02:51 PM	#14
andersonh09 Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to most people Location: New England Age: 21 Posts: 87 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Embarrassing question You're definitely not a freak. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21, you shouldn't feel weird just because kids are starting to lose their virginity at a younger age. Wait until the right moment for you, with the right person, try not to feel pressured by society. __________________ "Don't be afraid to try new things. Remember, amateurs built the arch and professionals built the titanic."

24th Dec 2011, 06:30 PM	#15
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Embarrassing question I think the part that I'm really worried about is when then opportunity comes, the guy I'm with might be to weird-ed out by me being a virgin. I feel like the longer I wait the more awkward it will be.

25th Dec 2011, 08:59 AM	#17
Free JDR Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Straight but curious Posts: 1 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Embarrassing question Never put pressure on that. What matters now is that you know and trust your own judgements! if it's your choice then go with it!

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