Hypochondriac and depression and anxiety

[splattered]

I think I'm a hypochondriac.I've been having very bad anxiety and tonight I wanted to go to the hospital because I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Last visit they conducted a spinal tap and tests for spinal meningitis. I was given muscle relaxants and pain killers and the pulsating headaches eventually went away. I had a stomach infection before that and believed it to be something bigger. I've even worried/thought in the past I was pregnant (I'm a man). I'm on quite a few antisychotics/antidepressants/anti anxiety meds. I'm on zoloft, depikote, ativan, sapphris, geodon, and some vitamins and allergy meds. When first diagnosed I thought that people wanted me dead and the pills and the hospital and the people and everything weird was just a set up and I would throw up my meds in my room whatever I could get to come up. When I was having the episode I thought I had dementia or something. So I have this anxiety and belief that there is something going really wrong in my mental and physical health. Along with it a deep depression, thoughts of suicide, anxiety. today is my 30th consecutive day sober. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I don't feel right. If theres nothing wrong with me and even if there is I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I would pay some wacko in the desert practicing crazy medicine any sum of money if it cured me. I don't want to feel depressed or anxiety. I just want to go to some place, some program intensive therapy whatever and just come back better and stronger.