Internal Pain During Anal Sex - What's up?

[skiguy68]

When being penetrated I experience pain internally. My lover has a nice sized cock (7 in.) and when he thrusts deeply I feel him hitting something in my rectum that causes some pain. We've tried a number of different positions but the pain keeps happening. I'm very well lubed and relaxed when this happens and it's taking the a lot of the pleasure away from what would be an incredible experience. Any ideas out there on what's going on and how to stop the pain?

[Ridiculous]

Does the pain only occur when it is at the deepest stage of thrusting? Does the pain stay afterwards, or is it only momentary?

It sounds to me like the 'back' of the rectum is being hit. The rectum makes a sharp 90 degree turn to join to the sigmoid colon, so if this join is being hit your partner's penis won't be able to go any further. If mine is hit, the dull pain only lasts as long it is pushed against, and fades pretty much instantly afterwards.

As for stopping the pain, I'm not sure if you can. Getting your partner to be gentle when he is deep could help, but I don't know if you will be able to take him all without some pain. Maybe others can give some advice.

Have a look at this thread and pictures attached to it: Anal sex - Basic Questions and Anatomy - Empty Closets

(that thread says the bend can be straightened out, although I'm not entirely sure if that is the case and I don't think it would be very pleasurable. I haven't experienced it myself anyway.)

[stuwee]

It's a little confusing in the second picture in the linked thread above, but the internal sphincter is anywhere from 6 to 9 inches inside you from your first one (your anus). This can cause a sharp and then lingering pain if popped hard and you haven't learned how to relax it fully, then it can give almost as my pleasure as rubbing your prostate can.

You may want to experiment with some large fexible toys to practice, feel free to include your partner (let him play with your cock, nips, mouth) but you control the toy, feeling pain can be a warning that your about to hurt something, play safe, play often!

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by stuwee

It's a little confusing in the second picture in the linked thread above, but the internal sphincter is anywhere from 6 to 9 inches inside you from your first one (your anus).

This part of the anatomy is very hard to visualize but the two sphincters are nearly on top of each other- more like millimeters or 1/8 of an inch apart.

I guess maybe the way to visualize this is to think about how you pinch off the end of a balloon when you're blowing it up. The end of the balloon is rolled up on the end so that the inside turns to the outside.



The part that you're pinching with your fingers would be the internal sphincter. The ring that is formed when the balloon rolls back on itself would be the external sphincter.



What a lot of guys say they feel when they are bottoming is that their boyfriend can get the tip of his penis inside a bit but then there's something blocking it from going any further. This is because the external ring is very easy for us to relax- we do it anytime we fart. But that internal ring is a lot harder to relax and usually we do it by thinking about bearing down- or in the case of farting or bowel movements, we relax the external muscle then push from the inside to force the internal sphincter to open.

Usually when we hear a guy saying that their boyfriend gets all the way in and then they feel like it's bumping up against something, it's that twist that the rectum takes when it joins the colon. That's also something that's hard to visualize because the pictures we show of the colon make it look like it's all flat in 2 dimensions. It's actually in 3 dimensions.

Look at the picture below and think about the rectum being on the back of the picture. Now think about the rectum going up toward the belly button but also moving toward the front side of the body a the same time. It's that 3 dimensional view that is the issue- the rectum moves upward but it's also moving to the front of the body at the same time.



When we think about a penis moving inside the rectum, we're prone to picture it as moving upward like the spinal column. It's actually moving upward but to the front in 3 dimensions. Unfortunately, our penises don't bend very well, so it moves in a 2 dimensional plane when hard. Depending on which position the bottom is in, that move toward the front can make it feel like you're bumping up against the inside wall of the rectum- which in fact, you are.

[javgier]

woooow lol didnt learn that in health class...

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by javgier

woooow lol didnt learn that in health class...

Most health classes don't talk much about the details of plain old vanilla sex, much less getting into more complicated subjects like anal sex.

That's why threads like this one are important and hopefully answer the questions that a lot of people have.

[Doctor Faustus]

I haven't had anal sex yet, but this is really useful. Cheers mate.

[Austin]

Originally Posted by javgier

woooow lol didnt learn that in health class...

This is 'merica.... there's no such thing as sex!

[Zontar]

Originally Posted by KaraBulut

Most health classes don't talk much about the details of plain old vanilla sex, much less getting into more complicated subjects like anal sex.

That's why threads like this one are important and hopefully answer the questions that a lot of people have.

And of course, don't forget the big stink conservatives would raise about teaching "sodomy" to health students.

ive experienced the same sensation with longer cocks, its like a dull thud. the only relief is to ask him to not go so far in.

[EthanChris]

Hi Folks!
Finally I find a forum with The Question and its thread I was always looking for
I also do experience pain during sodomy. The problem is not due to the insertion: this is fine and the usual relaxation techniques operate nicely (and unfortunately most of the forums dealing with pain during anal sex are about this type of problem).
The pain starts when the top goes deeper. It is usually very acute as the guy goes "till the end" and stops when he withdraws, but occurs at each thrust whatever the position I try (leapfrog or missionary("calves on shoulder")). Add a general incomfort of having something in the anus (weird shivers along the spine...)
Of course no physical pleasure, only the psychological one of being dominated (my personal fantasy...). But even the latter eventually goes off as the pain cancels every fantasies. This turns into painful boredom and results in a very frustrating experience: only the top has got pleasure, and I am left with the feeeling of being abnormal. Furthermore I don't think that the guy could simply stay "half-way" : I am not sure I am asking for something ultrabrutal and violent, it is simply sex with a "normally endowed" top guy.. It si hard to talk about that with a partner, and it simply add more fear to re-experience this.
Does being a bottom reqiures a special and long training??
Is this so uncommon????
Any hint would help.
EthanChris

[Christiaan]

Perfectly normal and preventable.

Mood

Firstly, always make sure that you are in the mood for anal sex before allowing your partner to penetrate you. However, if you are lacking in experience, it might be difficult to know when you have hit this mood. Although everyone's write-up on what it feels like may differ subtly, you might feel a slight drunken sensation, and there may also be a feeling that you are "in a steam bath." This not only has a pain-dulling effect, but it prevents your body from reacting involuntarily in ways that could be damaging. Therefore, making sure that you are in the proper state of mind before receiving anal sex is important for both your comfort and safety.

However, getting yourself into the right state of mind might actually be inhibited by internalized hate. Gay men often spend so long running away from their sexuality that they might see the "dominant" partner in sex as a sort of "attacker," and this theme might even appear repeatedly in their sexual fantasies. In real-world situations, this causes you to feel very insecure, and this in turn causes your body to put up a protest that can make sex extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant for both partners. As long as you have sex attached in your mind to self-hate and other dark emotions, your body will always respond to sex as if it were being raped. Kick the rapist named "Hate" out of your fantasies. He's a pig. A real man would make you feel warm and secure. A real man doesn't use you. A real man makes you feel attractive and sexy, not small or weak, and you can take that to the bank.

Posture

Secondly, practice at good sexual posture. However, what defines "good sexual posture"? The first thing about this you ought to realize is that your spine is not and should under no circumstances be altogether straight. On the inside, your spine has an "S" shape when you are standing. The lower curve of the "S" is called your "lumbar spine," and its inward curvature is sometimes referred to as "lumbar curve."

Now, If you were a female of any mammalian species, one of your chief sexual signals would be to exhibit an exaggerated lumbar curve, often accompanied by increasing the angle of your feet in respect to the ground. This primarily estrogen-triggered behavior is referred to as "lordosis behavior" when observed in animals, and it performs many physiological functions that help protect the female from organ damage during rough coupling. It is biologically very important, and it also makes coupling significantly more comfortable for the female.

Of course, you are a man and don't have as much estradiol circulating in you as a woman does, so it is a little bit more challenging to affect this body posture. If you are not in the right position, it might make anal sex painful for you. However, it is not unknown for men to exhibit a certain degree of lordosis behavior, and it is possible to build it into a habit. If you have a floor-length mirror, you can practice at it by getting on your knees on a folded-over bed comforter and turning to the side to permit observation of the curvature of your back, but it would work just as well or better to hook up a camera and perform the same exercise on your bed.

You might feel silly at first putting yourself through these exercises, but I promise that this fades away as you develop a sense of self-confidence. That means doing it often. You want to make it a routine to perform this exercise, and you might even want to make it into a morning ritual. Think of it as an opportunity to get spiritually in touch with nature by developing your understanding and appreciation for your body.

Ultimately, preventing discomfort during sex requires both a willing mind and a willing body. This requires a degree of self-mastery, and this can only be obtained with patience and experience. Practice your mental and physical exercises every day. Create beautiful images of love, tenderness and security, the great wings of love draped over you like rose petals. Train your body to receive that love. Sex doesn't have to be painful.

[Bedroom Hymns]

Originally Posted by Christiaan

Perfectly normal and preventable.

Mood

Firstly, always make sure that you are in the mood for anal sex before allowing your partner to penetrate you. However, if you are lacking in experience, it might be difficult to know when you have hit this mood. Although everyone's write-up on what it feels like may differ subtly, you might feel a slight drunken sensation, and there may also be a feeling that you are "in a steam bath." This not only has a pain-dulling effect, but it prevents your body from reacting involuntarily in ways that could be damaging. Therefore, making sure that you are in the proper state of mind before receiving anal sex is important for both your comfort and safety.

However, getting yourself into the right state of mind might actually be inhibited by internalized hate. Gay men often spend so long running away from their sexuality that they might see the "dominant" partner in sex as a sort of "attacker," and this theme might even appear repeatedly in their sexual fantasies. In real-world situations, this causes you to feel very insecure, and this in turn causes your body to put up a protest that can make sex extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant for both partners. As long as you have sex attached in your mind to self-hate and other dark emotions, your body will always respond to sex as if it were being raped. Kick the rapist named "Hate" out of your fantasies. He's a pig. A real man would make you feel warm and secure. A real man doesn't use you. A real man makes you feel attractive and sexy, not small or weak, and you can take that to the bank.

Posture

Secondly, practice at good sexual posture. However, what defines "good sexual posture"? The first thing about this you ought to realize is that your spine is not and should under no circumstances be altogether straight. On the inside, your spine has an "S" shape when you are standing. The lower curve of the "S" is called your "lumbar spine," and its inward curvature is sometimes referred to as "lumbar curve."

Now, If you were a female of any mammalian species, one of your chief sexual signals would be to exhibit an exaggerated lumbar curve, often accompanied by increasing the angle of your feet in respect to the ground. This primarily estrogen-triggered behavior is referred to as "lordosis behavior" when observed in animals, and it performs many physiological functions that help protect the female from organ damage during rough coupling. It is biologically very important, and it also makes coupling significantly more comfortable for the female.

Of course, you are a man and don't have as much estradiol circulating in you as a woman does, so it is a little bit more challenging to affect this body posture. If you are not in the right position, it might make anal sex painful for you. However, it is not unknown for men to exhibit a certain degree of lordosis behavior, and it is possible to build it into a habit. If you have a floor-length mirror, you can practice at it by getting on your knees on a folded-over bed comforter and turning to the side to permit observation of the curvature of your back, but it would work just as well or better to hook up a camera and perform the same exercise on your bed.

You might feel silly at first putting yourself through these exercises, but I promise that this fades away as you develop a sense of self-confidence. That means doing it often. You want to make it a routine to perform this exercise, and you might even want to make it into a morning ritual. Think of it as an opportunity to get spiritually in touch with nature by developing your understanding and appreciation for your body.

Ultimately, preventing discomfort during sex requires both a willing mind and a willing body. This requires a degree of self-mastery, and this can only be obtained with patience and experience. Practice your mental and physical exercises every day. Create beautiful images of love, tenderness and security, the great wings of love draped over you like rose petals. Train your body to receive that love. Sex doesn't have to be painful.

Wow, this seriously helped a lot. Especially the first part, thank you!

[InvaderDez]

Originally Posted by Doctor Faustus

I haven't had anal sex yet, but this is really useful. Cheers mate.

I failed health in 7th grade xDDDDDDDD and I was the only who watched the movies

[skiguy68]

Great physiologic discussion here but it raises more questions for me. does everyone experience this pain when they have anal sex? (I doubt it or nobody would do it). Everyone is relatively the same anatomically so how do they enjoy the feeling of deep penetration if the hard, erect penis always bumps the same bend in the colon? We've all seen plenty of porn where it's very deep and rough and the bottom seem just fine. What's the secret to enjoyable anal sex?

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by skiguy68

What's the secret to enjoyable anal sex?

Lube. Lots of lube.

Foreplay and patience.

Pay attention to your partner.

Don't be afraid to speak up if it hurts.

Originally Posted by skiguy68

does everyone experience this pain when they have anal sex?

Anal pleasure is a complicated sensation- a mix of both pleasure and pain. What one person perceives as pleasure might be considered painful by someone else.

It's important when one or both partners is new to anal sex that both persons pay attention. If it starts to hurt, speak up, stop and do something else.

Certainly, when you're new to bottoming, it can be painful (the same could be said of vaginal sex, too). It takes some time to learn to relax and to focus more on the pleasure aspect and tune out the painful aspect.

[skiguy68]

Originally Posted by KaraBulut

Lube. Lots of lube.

Foreplay and patience.

Pay attention to your partner.

Don't be afraid to speak up if it hurts.

Anal pleasure is a complicated sensation- a mix of both pleasure and pain. What one person perceives as pleasure might be considered painful by someone else.

It's important when one or both partners is new to anal sex that both persons pay attention. If it starts to hurt, speak up, stop and do something else.

Certainly, when you're new to bottoming, it can be painful (the same could be said of vaginal sex, too). It takes some time to learn to relax and to focus more on the pleasure aspect and tune out the painful aspect.

I totally understand where you're coming from. However, the pain I experience is a direct result of his penis hitting the bend in my colon. Anal sex feels great up until that last 1/2 inch when he thrusts deep and hits my sigmoid (sp?) area. I don't think relaxing is going to solve this problem. I know this issue must be common, right? There are a lot of women and men who have anal sex with large endowed men who rave how good it feels. Surely, they have a bend in their colon too and it causes some kind of issue that can be surmounted or adjusted for. I'm not 100% sure arching my back works... Laying on my side? Riding on top? I would love to hear from some folks who experience this and work around it somehow.

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by skiguy68

I totally understand where you're coming from. However, the pain I experience is a direct result of his penis hitting the bend in my colon. Anal sex feels great up until that last 1/2 inch when he thrusts deep and hits my sigmoid (sp?) area. I don't think relaxing is going to solve this problem. I know this issue must be common, right? There are a lot of women and men who have anal sex with large endowed men who rave how good it feels. Surely, they have a bend in their colon too and it causes some kind of issue that can be surmounted or adjusted for. I'm not 100% sure arching my back works... Laying on my side? Riding on top? I would love to hear from some folks who experience this and work around it somehow.

The anus is about 1" long. The rectum is from about 6-9 inches long. It would take a penis of about 8-10 inches long to reach your sigmoid colon.

What you're probably feeling is the rectum. The rectum is very hard to represent in 2 dimensions. The best way to picture what's going on is to think of an "S". The bottom tail of the "S" would be the anus. The top tail of the S would be where the rectum joins the sigmoid colon. I've attached the best picture that I could find.

There's a muscle called the puborectalis muscle which is part of what we refer to as the pubo-rectal sling. Probably what you're feeling is the area around where this bend in the rectum makes its way around the muscle.

Generally the way to straighten out the rectum is to squat. So, you might try the cowboy or reverse cowboy position. This will let you control the depth of penetration and it will also put your rectum into a straighter position.