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Alone for the Holidays

Discussion in 'Holiday Season and New Year Forum' started by Dare2bProud, Dec 23, 2016.

  1. Dare2bProud

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    Greetings All -

    It's been a long time since I posted here, in the last several years, I have somehow become complacent and have internalized a lot of situations in life.

    For two months now I have been unemployed. Being tossed in the job market was a surprise to me, interviewing, waiting, getting rejections, reaching out to my professional connections which seem to have turned their backs on me when I was in need.

    Along with being unemployed, I am 33, single, my family lives far away, they don't celebrate the holidays. My social circle about a year ago ended in bitterness and I have been working to create a new social circle. Being hurt and cautious have not helped my efforts. I have been alone for Thanksgiving and now will be alone for Christmas. I can't help but watch commercials on TV where others are happy, spending time with one another, are glad to be together and have bought gifts for one another. Listening to Christmas has become very painful for me.

    It is becoming a struggle everyday for me to keep powering through. I have attempted online dating and never receive responses from others. I just feel very invisible. This weekend is going to be very difficult for me. I'm just tired of being alone, unacknowledged, and finding new and creative ways to entertain myself that keeps me no longer thinking about the fact I don't have much of a purpose anymore.

    Thanks for listening.
     
    #1 Dare2bProud, Dec 23, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
  2. Crisalide

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    Hey.
    First. You have friends here. You matter. You are not alone. :3
    Second. I suggest trying to talk with your neighbours. It might sound stupid, but neighbours' social potential is undervalued. Maybe you won't become friends, but people near you will at least know you exist.
    Third. You can look for people who are alone as you. You can volunteer in giving meals to homeless people; it often ends in conversations.
     
  3. Patrick7269

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    Dare2bProud,

    I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely over the holiday and that you are going through some changes in your social circle. I think that everyone experiences these feelings and changes at some point in life, but being gay can make it feel more challenging because we don't always get the automatic inclusion and support that straight folks do. For these reasons I think it's important to take care of mental health by eating well, getting lots of sleep, doing hobbies, doing at least a few social things or volunteering, and trying to be grateful for even the little things.

    Sometimes I get disappointed when the gay "community" isn't as cohesive as we would assume. Gay men usually have insecurities, and at times we either unknowingly bring up these insecurities with others, or we limit who we are out of insecurity. In my 30s I made a very concerted effort to find a social circle, and although at times it's been a bit challenging overall I'm very glad I did it. Whenever you have a chance to connect and have others in your life it can be a good idea, even though it may not feel like it if you're introverted or going through pain. The right people will contribute to your mental health.

    I know I get in trouble with my emotions over the holiday when I expect it to be a certain way or to mean something specific. Holidays are often stressful under the best of circumstances. Do something special for yourself, call someone, reflect. If you can, give generously of your time, money, or other resources to the homeless or others in need.

    For me the holidays are a period of introspection. What am I grateful for? What makes my life beautiful? What do I want to work on to improve? How can I serve others and love them? What can I do in the coming year?

    This holiday can be your time to do this kind of introspection and think of it as a time to increase your self-awareness. It also is your own time, and you don't have to compare your holiday to anyone else's.

    *warm Christmas embrace*

    Patrick
     
  4. zuice

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    I have hope in you that over the holidays, you will rediscover EC by reading the posts. You stated that you have been away from EC. When we internalize our fears, they become deeper. Make lists of goals and complete them. As for a job, there are public job coaches with local unemployment offices. Reach out to them and they will assist you.

    Being alone for the holidays is no joy. Sometimes when doubts are being engraved in our psyche, we become weak by the loss of productivity towards a purpose in our lives. The imagination is able to heal oneself. Imagine at any moment you are with your lover, it serves as a reminder to treat yourself well.

    I like the phrase, "Be kind to unwind."Every day, within myself, I unravel a history of self-doubt. I daily enrich myself with art, movies, music and prose. I wish you well during the holidays.
     
  5. NotSureAboutMch

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    The holidays always seem to magnify emotions. If you really talk to people, many will tell you how stressful they are. Most people have families that are challenging, and those of us that aren't straight, can have more challenges.

    Someone left this thought to one of my posts the other day, and I like how it's worded:
    "Holidays can be extremely rough, since they paint a perfect picture of cozy living (when we all know that's an illusion.)"

    Do some good things for yourself this weekend. Smile at a few people on the street and notice the ones that smile back. There will be some. Read some posts here on EC. It's a great community and we are all here to support one another. You very much included because you're hurting. Answer a few too. Even if all you have to offer is, "Yeah that sucks. I'm lonely too." That shared feeling helps us to not feel alone.

    Tough times will ease. You will find a new social circle and most likely it'll be better than the ones you had. Take a deep breath and relax. You will be ok.

    -nsam
     
  6. FalconBlueSky00

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    Try to do things just for you. Special meal out, go see Christmas lights, get hot chocolate etc... make it an unplanned vacation just for you.

    I've made the mistake of going to a family event at my fathers for Christmas (I've never done this before) I already wish I'd stayed home and just been nice to myself instead.

    I'm sorry to hear that life fell apart for you all at once. I've been feeling some of that lately too. The loss of purpose is a hard blow. I keep telling myself it's temporary, hang in there.
     
  7. Dare2bProud

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    Thanks for the support everyone, I actually got out of my sulking attitude yesterday reconnected with an old church I use to go to and then was invited over to someone's house for snacks after. Today I was invited to an Open House and will go see "La La Land". My Christmas is ending up okay, however, I can't help looking at others Facebook and seeing pictures of unwrapping gifts and spending time together. I guess I just have to create my own tradition.
     
  8. Dare2bProud

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    Thanks for the support everyone, I actually got out of my sulking attitude yesterday reconnected with an old church I use to go to and then was invited over to someone's house for snacks after. Today I was invited to an Open House and will go see "La La Land". My Christmas is ending up okay, however, I can't help looking at others Facebook and seeing pictures of unwrapping gifts and spending time together. I guess I just have to create my own tradition.
     
  9. FalconBlueSky00

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    That's wonderful, I'm glad you had an okay time.