*insert awesome title here* - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

xXPsychedelicXx · 23rd Nov 2011, 01:47 PM

I couldn't think of an awesome enough title. So I simply gave up.

Bit of a late introduction, but I've read quite a few introduction threads today, and I'm feeling left out.

This might be really long, and I apologise for that. But here goes... Hi! You guys can call me Ray.

I'd never really considered the possibility that I might swing both ways, until a few months ago. At first, I ignored it. But after a little while, I decided to explore these feelings a bit more. I've never been with a girl, but I have been at least physically attracted to quite a few girls over the years, (I just didn't realise it before). Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I might be bisexual, but leaning towards guys, for the moment. I don't really care for labels though, so basically, I'm just gonna go with the flow. Yeah, it's scary, but after joining EC and reading all your stories, I really feel so much better about myself.

Now, here's the catch. I have a boyfriend, we've been dating for nearly a year now, and we were best friends for quite a while before that. I love him, I really do. He's a great guy. He is generally a very accepting person, and when we discussed LGBT issues before, he said that he would be 100% supportive if one of his friends came out to him.

Hah. I wish. Like I said, he's my best friend, and I felt comfortable enough to tell him anything. So, when I accepted that I might be bisexual, I decided to tell him first. About 2 and a half months ago, I told him that I was questioning my sexuality and that I might be bisexual... Oops, bad idea. He completely flipped out, and said the most horrible things. I have never cried so much in my life. He asked me why I hadn't told him before, to which I replied that I hadn't realised it before, and had only just fully accepted it. How could I tell him if I didn't know it myself? He became paranoid that I was going to leave him for a girl. I understand where he was coming from, but honestly. 9 months and I hadn't even considered leaving him for a guy, so why would I suddenly leave him for a girl? I told him that this didn't need to affect our relationship at all, and that I hadn't changed. I told him I loved him, and that I wasn't going to leave him, because I was happy being his girlfriend, and I definitely wasn't crushing on any girls. This is just a part of who I am. He didn't understand.

Right after that conversation, I was quite upset. I obviously couldn't hide it from my mom, so I told her the story. I've posted it here before, you might recognise it:

Me: "I think I'm bisexual."
Mom: "Oh, that's perfectly normal. In my next life, I'm moving in with a woman. It's gonna make everything so much easier."

She made me feel so much better. Nothing can shock her, really.

Back to the boyfriend. He continued to freak out for the next week or so: crying, throwing up, not sleeping. I admit, it scared me. I didn't want to lose him. But, I figured that if I gave him some time, he would learn to accept it. He kept apologising to me, for reacting in that way. He just kept saying over and over, "I don't know what's going on with me. I'm sorry! This is freaking me out! How could you tell me this now, without any warning? Are you sure you're bisexual?" Stuff like that.

And then, the final blow: he said he didn't know whether he could still be with me.

The thought of losing him... I couldn't take it. So, a few days later, I took the easy way out, and told him that I wasn't bisexual after all. That I had done some more thinking, and realised that I was straight. Yup. You can bet he was relieved. I, on the other hand, hated myself for it. But he was so important to me, I didn't want to risk ruining everything we had. So I stopped logging on to EC, and ignored any thoughts I had about being bisexual.

Too bad my brain doesn't listen to my heart. The thoughts came back, and this time, I'm just keeping them to myself. I know I shouldn't have denied who I am. I know that now, everything will be so much harder, if I ever decide to tell him again. And I know I probably should have given him some more time to get used to the idea. He's a very emotional kid, and I know he only said most of those things because he was in shock. But at the time, I was scared. I didn't know what else to do. It all happened so quickly.

Anyway, my mom has continued to support me through everything.

Yeah, my relationship with my boyfriend has taken a huge knock, and I'm not sure if I can ever trust him as much as I used to. He hurt me, a lot. I know he was in shock, but honestly, I saw a side of him that I didn't know existed. And I don't like it.

I don't think I'll be telling anybody else just yet, especially not my uber-religious family. (Yikes. That's a scary thought.) But I'm okay with that. I'm happy just discovering myself at my own pace, in my own way.

I'm so glad that I found you guys, though. You've been the world of help to me. Thank you so much!!!

Sorry that this was so long, I didn't plan on saying so much when I started. But this is the first time I've let it all out, and it feels good. So thanks for listening.

Doctor Faustus · 23rd Nov 2011, 01:56 PM

Hey! I read this and I really felt for your situation. I don't how much advice I could give, having never been in that position, but you could write a letter to him explaining how you truly feel, and asking him if he would be prepared to trust him again. See what happens after that.

Hope that helps. Feel free to write to me or anyone else you want to talk to. EC is so supportive and I love that about it.

Best,

Doctor Faustus.

Artemicion · 23rd Nov 2011, 07:02 PM

Hey and welcome to EC Ray!

And wow, it must of been a bumpy road with your boyfriend...glad to hear your mom is supportive!

alex2020 · 23rd Nov 2011, 08:35 PM

Bienvenue!!

Aeon Magus · 23rd Nov 2011, 08:44 PM

Hello, Ray... *sees evil teeth avatar*

It's you!
*cough-cough* ...uh, welcome to EC!

You must have been reading quite a lot here on the forum... if you haven't found a thread here that vaguely tells you about the situation you are going through now, post one of your own and EC will help you as best we can.

Hope to read some more from you!

*runs away from the evil teeth*
AAHHH!

xXPsychedelicXx · 23rd Nov 2011, 11:47 PM

Don't worry, Aeon, I don't bite... much.

Thank you so much, guys! I might actually write a letter, Doctor Faustus, even if it's only for myself, to help clear my own head.

**Gerry** · 24th Nov 2011, 12:14 AM

Hi and welcome to EC!

Hope you like it here and it's great seeing you have a supportive mom.

Silver Sparrow · 24th Nov 2011, 08:01 AM

Hey Ray,
I hope everything goes well with your boyfriend. I must be great to have a mother who's so supportive of you.

silverhalo · 26th Nov 2011, 05:50 AM

Hey welcome to EC.

23rd Nov 2011, 01:47 PM	#1
xXPsychedelicXx ... and the lesbians. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Blue, pink and purple. Out Status: A few people. Age: 16 Posts: 174 Join Date: Oct 2011	*insert awesome title here* I couldn't think of an awesome enough title. So I simply gave up. Bit of a late introduction, but I've read quite a few introduction threads today, and I'm feeling left out. This might be really long, and I apologise for that. But here goes... Hi! You guys can call me Ray. I'd never really considered the possibility that I might swing both ways, until a few months ago. At first, I ignored it. But after a little while, I decided to explore these feelings a bit more. I've never been with a girl, but I have been at least physically attracted to quite a few girls over the years, (I just didn't realise it before). Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I might be bisexual, but leaning towards guys, for the moment. I don't really care for labels though, so basically, I'm just gonna go with the flow. Yeah, it's scary, but after joining EC and reading all your stories, I really feel so much better about myself. Now, here's the catch. I have a boyfriend, we've been dating for nearly a year now, and we were best friends for quite a while before that. I love him, I really do. He's a great guy. He is generally a very accepting person, and when we discussed LGBT issues before, he said that he would be 100% supportive if one of his friends came out to him. Hah. I wish. Like I said, he's my best friend, and I felt comfortable enough to tell him anything. So, when I accepted that I might be bisexual, I decided to tell him first. About 2 and a half months ago, I told him that I was questioning my sexuality and that I might be bisexual... Oops, bad idea. He completely flipped out, and said the most horrible things. I have never cried so much in my life. He asked me why I hadn't told him before, to which I replied that I hadn't realised it before, and had only just fully accepted it. How could I tell him if I didn't know it myself? He became paranoid that I was going to leave him for a girl. I understand where he was coming from, but honestly. 9 months and I hadn't even considered leaving him for a guy, so why would I suddenly leave him for a girl? I told him that this didn't need to affect our relationship at all, and that I hadn't changed. I told him I loved him, and that I wasn't going to leave him, because I was happy being his girlfriend, and I definitely wasn't crushing on any girls. This is just a part of who I am. He didn't understand. Right after that conversation, I was quite upset. I obviously couldn't hide it from my mom, so I told her the story. I've posted it here before, you might recognise it: Me: "I think I'm bisexual." Mom: "Oh, that's perfectly normal. In my next life, I'm moving in with a woman. It's gonna make everything so much easier." She made me feel so much better. Nothing can shock her, really. Back to the boyfriend. He continued to freak out for the next week or so: crying, throwing up, not sleeping. I admit, it scared me. I didn't want to lose him. But, I figured that if I gave him some time, he would learn to accept it. He kept apologising to me, for reacting in that way. He just kept saying over and over, "I don't know what's going on with me. I'm sorry! This is freaking me out! How could you tell me this now, without any warning? Are you sure you're bisexual?" Stuff like that. And then, the final blow: he said he didn't know whether he could still be with me. The thought of losing him... I couldn't take it. So, a few days later, I took the easy way out, and told him that I wasn't bisexual after all. That I had done some more thinking, and realised that I was straight. Yup. You can bet he was relieved. I, on the other hand, hated myself for it. But he was so important to me, I didn't want to risk ruining everything we had. So I stopped logging on to EC, and ignored any thoughts I had about being bisexual. Too bad my brain doesn't listen to my heart. The thoughts came back, and this time, I'm just keeping them to myself. I know I shouldn't have denied who I am. I know that now, everything will be so much harder, if I ever decide to tell him again. And I know I probably should have given him some more time to get used to the idea. He's a very emotional kid, and I know he only said most of those things because he was in shock. But at the time, I was scared. I didn't know what else to do. It all happened so quickly. Anyway, my mom has continued to support me through everything. Yeah, my relationship with my boyfriend has taken a huge knock, and I'm not sure if I can ever trust him as much as I used to. He hurt me, a lot. I know he was in shock, but honestly, I saw a side of him that I didn't know existed. And I don't like it. I don't think I'll be telling anybody else just yet, especially not my uber-religious family. (Yikes. That's a scary thought.) But I'm okay with that. I'm happy just discovering myself at my own pace, in my own way. I'm so glad that I found you guys, though. You've been the world of help to me. Thank you so much!!! Sorry that this was so long, I didn't plan on saying so much when I started. But this is the first time I've let it all out, and it feels good. So thanks for listening. __________________ ... We'll write a song that turns out the lights.

23rd Nov 2011, 01:56 PM	#2
Doctor Faustus EC's resident Philosopher at Large Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not straight. But only interested in men. xD Out Status: People who ask me. People whom I trust. Location: Basingstoke Posts: 1,610 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: insert awesome title here Hey! I read this and I really felt for your situation. I don't how much advice I could give, having never been in that position, but you could write a letter to him explaining how you truly feel, and asking him if he would be prepared to trust him again. See what happens after that. Hope that helps. Feel free to write to me or anyone else you want to talk to. EC is so supportive and I love that about it. Best, Doctor Faustus. __________________ "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa.

23rd Nov 2011, 07:02 PM	#3
Artemicion :D :D :D Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Anyone who asks, but parents in denial. Location: Vancouver BC Canada Age: 23 Posts: 1,112 Join Date: Aug 2010	Re: insert awesome title here Hey and welcome to EC Ray! And wow, it must of been a bumpy road with your boyfriend...glad to hear your mom is supportive!

23rd Nov 2011, 08:35 PM	#4
alex2020 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everybody important, and anybody who asks. Location: Florida Age: 19 Posts: 1,437 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: insert awesome title here Bienvenue!! __________________ “Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

23rd Nov 2011, 08:44 PM	#5
Aeon Magus EC's Blue Gaylien Full Member Gender: I go peepee standing up xD Orientation: I'm a Man's Man Out Status: The people that I care about most. Location: South Africa Posts: 2,262 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: insert awesome title here Hello, Ray... sees evil teeth avatar It's you! cough-cough ...uh, welcome to EC! You must have been reading quite a lot here on the forum... if you haven't found a thread here that vaguely tells you about the situation you are going through now, post one of your own and EC will help you as best we can. Hope to read some more from you! runs away from the evil teeth AAHHH! __________________ Sing me a Painting, I'll paint you a Song Inside my heart is breaking. My make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on. The show must go on.

23rd Nov 2011, 11:47 PM	#6
xXPsychedelicXx ... and the lesbians. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Blue, pink and purple. Out Status: A few people. Age: 16 Posts: 174 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: insert awesome title here Don't worry, Aeon, I don't bite... much. Thank you so much, guys! I might actually write a letter, Doctor Faustus, even if it's only for myself, to help clear my own head. __________________ ... We'll write a song that turns out the lights.

24th Nov 2011, 12:14 AM	#7
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: insert awesome title here Hi and welcome to EC! Hope you like it here and it's great seeing you have a supportive mom. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

24th Nov 2011, 08:01 AM	#8
Silver Sparrow Proud to be a bookworm! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Nothing quite fits... Out Status: One person IRL Location: Massachusetts Posts: 174 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: insert awesome title here Hey Ray, I hope everything goes well with your boyfriend. I must be great to have a mother who's so supportive of you. __________________ Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

26th Nov 2011, 05:50 AM	#9
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,166 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: insert awesome title here Hey welcome to EC.

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