My first post

[PaisleySounds]

Hello everybody,

So first of all, I'm 27, Male, From the Pacific Northwest.

I'm really glad to have found this forum. I came here to finally deal with some of my sexual issues I've been trying to ignore. I've been living with an unrelenting stress that goes back deep into my childhood, since the day that I discovered masturbation. I'm a generally well adjusted and happy person, but I've been living with a nagging sense of loneliness my entire life that I am fed up with. I think it's finally time to talk about my issues in public, and share them with some people to get some feedback.

I've tried therapy, but I felt like my issues were too graphic and made my therapists uneasy. I tried sharing in private with one of my closest friends... but I felt like his attraction to me prevented him from being able to really listen to what I was saying, not that I don't appreciate every moment of his support. I just don't know how to express my sexuality to anyone, I don't know where I fit in any of the communities, I feel like none of them apply to me.

I don't know why it never occurred to me before, but a couple nights ago I realized that I needed to find a support group. It's amazing how long we can isolate ourselves when we feel ashamed when the solutions are within our reach. I hope that you guys can be my support group, and that I can share with you some of my deepest secrets. I'm tired of feeling like an outsider, I'm tired of feeling strange, I want to just be free to be myself, and I think it starts by coming to terms with who I am. I hope that maybe there are others like me who can appreciate what I am going through. Maybe you are here on this forum... or maybe you know where I should go.

Thanks so much for reading my introduction. I'm looking forward to talking with you all.

[Mercy]

Woot im first Welcome my dear to EC the names Mercy

[silverhalo]

Hey welcome to EC, you may well find that there are others here going through what you are, but I can guarantee that even if there arent you will find help and support.

[Nazo]

Heyo, welcome to EC!
We can be your support group, for sure!
Just post a thread in Support and Advice, or even Anonymous if you don't feel comfortable attaching your post with your username.

[thecat06]

Hello and Welcome!!

[Aeon Magus]

Hello, PaisleySounds, and welcome to EC.
We're all very glad you found us, if you need advice on anything, don't hesitate to ask. I'm sorry that you didn't get the answers you needed from your therapist and friend.

Originally Posted by PaisleySounds

I just don't know how to express my sexuality to anyone, I don't know where I fit in any of the communities, I feel like none of them apply to me.

What you need to do first, is figure out what your sexuality is. Do you find yourself attracted to girls, guys or both? Are they physical or sexual attractions? Do you act, or feel that you are, masculine or feminine? Answering these questions won't be easy and will require you to do some "soul searching", per se. But it will help us to help you on your journey.

You have to acknowledge your sexuality before you can accept it.

Hope to hear more from you.

AM.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by Nazo

Just post a thread in Support and Advice, or even Anonymous if you don't feel comfortable attaching your post with your username.

^^ What he said.

[fiddledeedee]

Hello, and welcome to EC! Maybe I will finally get to learn why my stepmom is so adamant that she is from the Pacific Northwest rather than Tenessee. Anyway, we want to support you and help you figure yourself out. We don't want anyone to struggle alone.

Originally Posted by PaisleySounds

I just don't know how to express my sexuality to anyone, I don't know where I fit in any of the communities, I feel like none of them apply to me.

None of them have to – just find the place that you feel comfortable with. You are individual, and very few people fully "fit in to/the description of" a specific group. Hopefully, you will be able to figure out your sexuality (as Aeon Magus advised, and possibly with things like those questions) and maybe lable it, but someone on here once said that "labels are for soup"; they are convenient, but not defining. It's fine just to be uncategorised.

[Hana Solo]

Welcome to EC! It's hard to sort out your sexuality, but as fiddledeedee said, you don't need to label yourself and don't try to cram yourself into a group you don't fit in. If you can be comfortable in yourself thats all that matters

[Artemicion]

Hello and welcome! Like Nazo mentioned above, feel free to post!

[PaisleySounds]

Hi everybody, Thanks for the welcome. You all seem like nice people. I'm glad that I'm in the right place. I will definitely put a post up soon in the advice/support section.

Maybe I will finally get to learn why my stepmom is so adamant that she is from the Pacific Northwest rather than Tenessee

Well if she IS from the Pacific Northwest (Oregon, Washington, Northern California, Vancouver BC) and not from Tennessee then she probably has a bit of a stigma about the south. They are pretty different cultures. Personally I have been thinking about relocating to the south myself, but at the same time from everything I have pieced together about Southern life it's not the kind of culture you want to come out in.

[Colton]

Hello Welcome to EC!!

[Doctor Faustus]

Hello, welcome! I'm Gah-Kai, better known as Dr. Faustus.

Everyone is very supportive here. Do post in the support forums if you want. Feel free to write to me as well if you need to

Best,

Dr. F.

[WillowMaiden]

Hey, welcome! I'm new here myself. I get the strange feeling that support may be what this place is all about, so you don't have to worry about that anymore. See you around the forums.

[alex2020]

Bienvenue!!

[Mature Survivor]

So many people feel as though they are different. I think you will find that you are more "normal" than you think you are. I think it is part of the human condition to be self critical and have doubts about our selves. If you listen to others they will usually reflect what they think you are as a person. I have doubts because I have a bf that I have been his main support over the last 6 yrs. It has put me into a huge financial hole. I don't know if I can trust his responses to me but they are wonderful, and still I usually do get positve responses from others. It leaves me consfused. I have always been my worst critic. I blame it on my early years where the mostly only positive person was my mother. And each of us inherits a disposition that is largely unchangeable. We lived isolated on a farm and my older brother took it upon himself to be my daily tormentor and significant other who took great care to try to destroy any positive self concept I might have. He was greatly influenced by a severly damaged father who was stuck at a very negative infantile level of behavior. My mother took the bold action of telling him he couldn't discipline us kids when I was 2 yrs. saving me from the things my brother went through. He was also absent during the week as he worked in the city and came home only on week ends. I have seen professionals, and it usually helped, once I had to take the Minnessota Multiphasic Personality Survey and came out as being VERY "NORMAL". Good luck in your journey. I hope it does get better. I some ways mine has , other ways I struggle almost daily. Be good. Mature Survivor

[PaisleySounds]

Hey Thank you Mature Survivor. I really appreciate the sentiment. We do all have our problems, and I'm slowly coming to terms with mine. Just a couple days of posting on this forum has already drastically improved my mood. Today was effortless to interact with people in my daily activities and it was easy to feel connected with the people around me.

It sounds like you have got an interesting story to share too. I would love to hear it all.

Cheers!

[Aielar]

Welcome to EC :3