Reintroduction and Rededication - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Stew Bum · 15th Dec 2011, 02:34 PM

I've posted in the welcome section of this site a few months ago, but got cold feet and have refrained from posting again. As I previously posted, I am a 35 year old confused married man. I have a 3 year old daughter with my wife of 8 years. I'm completely in love both of them and the life we have together. I'm still attracted to my wife, but I also have an attraction to men. I've been aware of this attraction, which is not simply sexual, since I was a kid and continually debated my sexuality through the years, and although I've always identified more gay than straight, I chose the straight path, but I've felt a little outta step with the straight world. So I'm here now to finally come to terms with who I am and what I want. No matter how frightening it can be I've decided I need this and I need to be honest with my wife. Even if that means we go our separate ways, which is a gut wrenching thought.

hml8 · 15th Dec 2011, 02:39 PM

Hi Stew, sorry to hear about the cold feet (you should put some socks on

I'm sorry I'm not funny)

I really hope you find what you're looking for!

If you need someone to talk to I'm here, occasionally with helpful advice . . . occasionally!

Stew Bum · 15th Dec 2011, 03:07 PM

Thanks, hml8. I will definitely be looking for advice.

hml8 · 15th Dec 2011, 03:21 PM

you're welcome!

Doctor Faustus · 15th Dec 2011, 04:03 PM

Hello mate,
Welcome to EC! Dr Faustus here: good to meet you!

There are quite a few married gay men here, whom I can put you in touch with if you want. Otherwise do feel free to talk to me if you need anything.
Best,
Doctor Faustus.

alex2020 · 15th Dec 2011, 04:16 PM

Welcome back!

**Gerry** · 15th Dec 2011, 04:56 PM

Hi and welcome back to EC!

breakingboxes · 15th Dec 2011, 05:32 PM

Welcome back!

Artemicion · 15th Dec 2011, 09:57 PM

Hi and welcome back!

Emergelove · 16th Dec 2011, 07:59 AM

Welcome!
I joined in May but it was not until Nov that I became active here. I reached a point where it became important for me to come out to my wife. And i could not be closetted as it became very lonely and it affected my relationship with my wige. I am curious to hear what prompted you to 'rejoin.' I hear that it was becoming difficult being in your shoes... Feel free to talk more about that (or not). Whatever you feel like posting!

Glad you anted here.

Aeon Magus · 16th Dec 2011, 09:36 AM

Hello, Stew Bum, and welcome back to EC.

Stew Bum · 16th Dec 2011, 01:25 PM

I agree, it is quite lonely, and has definitely affected how I relate to my wife. I feel a little guilty and a little embarrassed. She has asked a couple of times in the past if I was gay, and still jokes that I am, but I've always told her I wasn't. So it's a little embarrassing to say so now. She's very open minded, but it's still a tricky situation to tell someone that there is another side to who you are. I'm not sure how she'll respond, and I really don't know what I'm going to tell her. I'm sure that she'll be a little stunned, have doubts about our past, present, future relationship, but she'll be supportive, I hope. I guess I have them too. I'm thinking sometime in January, will be the D-day. What was your wife's reaction, and what/how did you tell her?

**TheEdend** · 16th Dec 2011, 05:16 PM

Welcome back!

Joining to a site like this is one of the biggest steps you can make so congrats on pushing yourself to doing just that. Only gets better from here on

We have many members on here who have gone through or are going through similar situations as you so feel free to make a thread about any problem or question you may have. We also have two advisers who were both married and later came out so you can always PM them for anything

Stew Bum · 20th Dec 2011, 09:38 AM

Thank you everyone for the advice and support.

15th Dec 2011, 02:34 PM	#1
Stew Bum Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't Out Status: 1 friend Age: 35 Posts: 12 Join Date: May 2011	Reintroduction and Rededication I've posted in the welcome section of this site a few months ago, but got cold feet and have refrained from posting again. As I previously posted, I am a 35 year old confused married man. I have a 3 year old daughter with my wife of 8 years. I'm completely in love both of them and the life we have together. I'm still attracted to my wife, but I also have an attraction to men. I've been aware of this attraction, which is not simply sexual, since I was a kid and continually debated my sexuality through the years, and although I've always identified more gay than straight, I chose the straight path, but I've felt a little outta step with the straight world. So I'm here now to finally come to terms with who I am and what I want. No matter how frightening it can be I've decided I need this and I need to be honest with my wife. Even if that means we go our separate ways, which is a gut wrenching thought. Last edited by Stew Bum; 15th Dec 2011 at 02:40 PM..

15th Dec 2011, 02:39 PM	#2
hml8 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Canterbury, Kent or Southend, Essex Age: 21 Posts: 424 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Hi Stew, sorry to hear about the cold feet (you should put some socks on I'm sorry I'm not funny) I really hope you find what you're looking for! If you need someone to talk to I'm here, occasionally with helpful advice . . . occasionally! __________________ 'I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay' . . . hums on

15th Dec 2011, 03:07 PM	#3
Stew Bum Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't Out Status: 1 friend Age: 35 Posts: 12 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Thanks, hml8. I will definitely be looking for advice.

15th Dec 2011, 03:21 PM	#4
hml8 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Canterbury, Kent or Southend, Essex Age: 21 Posts: 424 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication you're welcome! __________________ 'I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay' . . . hums on

15th Dec 2011, 04:03 PM	#5
Doctor Faustus EC's resident Philosopher at Large Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not straight. But only interested in men. xD Out Status: People who ask me. People whom I trust. Location: Basingstoke Posts: 1,610 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Hello mate, Welcome to EC! Dr Faustus here: good to meet you! There are quite a few married gay men here, whom I can put you in touch with if you want. Otherwise do feel free to talk to me if you need anything. Best, Doctor Faustus. __________________ "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa.

15th Dec 2011, 04:16 PM	#6
alex2020 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everybody important, and anybody who asks. Location: Florida Age: 19 Posts: 1,437 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Welcome back! __________________ “Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

15th Dec 2011, 04:56 PM	#7
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Hi and welcome back to EC! __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

15th Dec 2011, 05:32 PM	#8
breakingboxes Happily Married. :) Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: USA Age: 21 Posts: 438 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Welcome back!

15th Dec 2011, 09:57 PM	#9
Artemicion :D :D :D Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Anyone who asks, but parents in denial. Location: Vancouver BC Canada Age: 23 Posts: 1,112 Join Date: Aug 2010	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Hi and welcome back!

16th Dec 2011, 07:59 AM	#10
Emergelove Married Gay Man Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Quite gay. Out Status: Now to my wife Location: NC Age: 30 Posts: 200 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Welcome! I joined in May but it was not until Nov that I became active here. I reached a point where it became important for me to come out to my wife. And i could not be closetted as it became very lonely and it affected my relationship with my wige. I am curious to hear what prompted you to 'rejoin.' I hear that it was becoming difficult being in your shoes... Feel free to talk more about that (or not). Whatever you feel like posting! Glad you anted here. __________________ Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

16th Dec 2011, 09:36 AM	#11
Aeon Magus EC's Blue Gaylien Full Member Gender: I go peepee standing up xD Orientation: I'm a Man's Man Out Status: The people that I care about most. Location: South Africa Posts: 2,262 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Hello, Stew Bum, and welcome back to EC. __________________ Sing me a Painting, I'll paint you a Song Inside my heart is breaking. My make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on. The show must go on.

16th Dec 2011, 01:25 PM	#12
Stew Bum Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't Out Status: 1 friend Age: 35 Posts: 12 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication I agree, it is quite lonely, and has definitely affected how I relate to my wife. I feel a little guilty and a little embarrassed. She has asked a couple of times in the past if I was gay, and still jokes that I am, but I've always told her I wasn't. So it's a little embarrassing to say so now. She's very open minded, but it's still a tricky situation to tell someone that there is another side to who you are. I'm not sure how she'll respond, and I really don't know what I'm going to tell her. I'm sure that she'll be a little stunned, have doubts about our past, present, future relationship, but she'll be supportive, I hope. I guess I have them too. I'm thinking sometime in January, will be the D-day. What was your wife's reaction, and what/how did you tell her? Last edited by Stew Bum; 16th Dec 2011 at 01:27 PM..

16th Dec 2011, 05:16 PM	#13
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,831 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Welcome back! Joining to a site like this is one of the biggest steps you can make so congrats on pushing yourself to doing just that. Only gets better from here on We have many members on here who have gone through or are going through similar situations as you so feel free to make a thread about any problem or question you may have. We also have two advisers who were both married and later came out so you can always PM them for anything __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” -Gandhi

20th Dec 2011, 09:38 AM	#14
Stew Bum Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't Out Status: 1 friend Age: 35 Posts: 12 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Reintroduction and Rededication Thank you everyone for the advice and support.