I came out to her in March, so it's been four months, and she's still reeling, very afraid, etc. I'm moving out in a month. Any advice out there?
I am in a similar situation./ I have come out to my wife after over forty years of being married. I have known all of my life but never acted on it thinking that God would cure me of such thoughts . It never happened. My wife and I intend to live together as the great friends that we are. She has a don't ask don't tell mentality and since we have not had sex in over ten years it is not a problem. I will stick by her side simply because I don't want to change my life all around at this point. I am comfortable with my relationship with my boyfriend and he is with me also. neither of us want to break up our families at this point in life. That is what works for us. However you may have been married much less time than I. I know that I do not want to live alone in some apartment I have also too much materially to lose. I searched for that one guy to be with and it was tough. I caught some S T D and am waiting for test results. Be careful if you choose that course. Have you seen a therapist? It may be a good place to start. A good one will help you through your situation and not put any guilt trip on you. I wish you all the best. whyme10
^ to expand on that, has SHE seen a therapist? She's probably going through just as much (if not more) than you are. And if she's not talking to anyone about it, that's not good. Anyways, what is she afraid of?
We were married 26 years. She early on offered to let me have a boyfriend etc on the side if I stayed, but I realized I couldn't do that. I am definitely moving out in a month, I cannot stay with her. I know that works for some men, but I want a real full-time relationship with another guy. Even though I am losing a lot in material terms it's well worth it for me. Before I told her, I'd already decided that even if it meant I live alone the rest of my life, I had to do it, for me it's the only way I could be true to myself. So I was resigned to that fate, fortunately I have met someone in the meantime and that's going really well. I've seen a therapist and am actually feeling great about myself. I'm concerned though about my wife, who I also consider a good friend. I'm not feeling guilty really, just concern for her. I'm just wondering about the best way to help her through this. ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2013 at 09:59 AM ---------- Yes she is but I am not sure the therapist is very effective, I'm asking around about finding a different person who has experience with this situation. Her fears are of being alone mainly, also financial. I understand, her entire world has been shattered, something she thought was solid and real - our marriage - turned out to not be at all, and it's clear that I haven't seen it that way in quite a few years and was very ready to move on. And I know it will take time for her. but again I'm just wondering what I can do, if anything, to help her adjust to the situation. I do think that moving out is an important step in that regard, to make the situation more real.
