Last Dec I started working away from home, I kind of got friendly with a lady in the office who is 14yrs my senior. a couple of months passed and we started going out for tea together, we really hit it off, I tell her things I have never told anyone, we think the same, we love all the same music, we even like the same foods, we just seem to know what the other one is thinking with a look. Over a 6 mth period we have gone from going out for tea once a week to me going round to her house for tea, going away for weekends & just generally doing things we both enjoy. We have a really close bond, which is really nice, but I think I have feelings for her, I have never met anyone who I am so in tune with, and she says the same, we give each the longest stares... but it just feels right. Its driving me wild, I cannot stop thinking about her! The other week when I had a really bad day at work, I asked for a hug, and a couple of days later she was saying what a softy I was, and how she quite liked my hugs, this is all such a jumble I know, but that is how it is in my head! There is just soo many little things, that I just can't explain..... silly things like she said that I could sleep in her campervan because nothing would happen as we are both in separate sleeping bags, and the other week we where going out with some other colleagues and she went off in a huff and really went off on one about me leaving her hanging about like she was a looser? she admits that she is jealous of one of my colleagues who I am close with. we are both quite shy people which really doesn't help in all this.... So I guess what I really am asking is am I over reading a situation, do I actually have feelings for her and I am over analysing the whole situation, is she just being friendly, does she have feelings for me..... I really dont wanna risk loosing such a great mate if I say anything to her?! Any advise/points of view would be greatly received..... I am one confused sausage!
Hi Monkeywoman (I like the name, ha), I see that you're not out at all, same here. I've been in your shoes so many times when I start to read into things, fall for someone that MIGHT BE (but most likely not) and afraid to act on what I THINK might be a possibilities. In my situation, these guys that I fall for end up with a girlfriend, confirming that I was just fantasizing. If you can't stop thinking about her, I'd say you have feelings for her. Boy, I don't know what to tell you, you DID get some strong hints from this lady, but based on my experience, it's been the case that the other person just sees you as a good friend. I would LOVE for nothing more than to be wrong. But HOW DO YOU KNOW??? Let's think on this, if you come up with something, please share, because I'm sure I'm going to find myself in this situation myself, AGAIN...
You could try to bring up gay marriage with her and what she thinks about it. You might be able to tell how she feels about gays if she would accept you if you told her and if she might even be gay. Hope this helps!!!
I think you should tell her how you feel. Just going by that one line, to me it sounds like she is gay. Because why else would she say that? I don't think a straight woman would. Good luck with it and if you decide to talk to her, at least you'll know you've tried.
Aww thanks guys - If you look at the whole pic, for which there is no space or time in the world - She is quite butch - by her own admission - we were talking about kids and things the other day and we both say that we dont want them, we don't want a man to stop us doing what we enjoy - she said that I would be married with kids in no time - I said that I would never wanted that I m not the settling type - and she said but what if you find someone who is into the same things and you both like the same things and have your independence - would that not work.... then we just stared into each others eyes for ages! Please tell me that I am not imagining it! When she hugs me its like a full on hug! And she always says you think I'm cute don't you! Arrrrggghhhhhh !!!!!! I am going insane! I really do think that I need to broach the subject with her............
Next time she hugs you try looking into her eyes then stroke her face, mess with her hair, and do everything but kiss her. If she moves in on you then you may have your answer. I don't speak from experience. I don't know how many times I was attracted to a woman and wanted to make a move but never did. Who knows? I was playing hetero and had a woman made a move on me I would have absolutely swooned.
I get the feeling that she may be trying to broach the subject with me Hopefloats - Arrgh I am so useless at all this! I wish I had more confidence! I have spent the whole of my life playing it straight, I was even with a guy for ten long hellish years! Now I am free of him and enjoying myself! During that time with my ex I had numerous crushes on people and just convinced myself it was just a phase, I now have come to terms with the fact I fall for people on the basis that I fall in love with the person not the outer packaging!!!! The problem is we are so so alike that she is as shy as me! I wish I could tell her!!!! We are going away this weekend - maybe there may be opportunity then?! Who knows - Wish me luck folks! If you look at the music we both like - tell me I imaging in but, elastica, paramore, joan armatrading, tracy chapman, susan vega, echobelly, KT tunstall, mel C...... so big hint to her (or so I thought) I lent her some Beth Orton and some hole - she lent me Marina & the diamonds and nerina pallot - I thought personally that the Beth orton might give it away!? Or have ACTUALLY gone crazy now!!!!! Right I will stop wittering on now, I promise!!!!!
It sounds absolutely magical what the two of you have. I don't think you're reading too much into this. Yes - this is going to be an awkward conversation, but I think it's one worth having. Even if it's to tell her how YOU are feeling towards her - leaving her open to either chime in or let it drop. Try to to make too big a deal of it though. It sounds like you have a very fun and 'light' relationship so don't burden it with this. You could also just bring up the subject of the fact that you're 'questioning' your orientation. Presumably you haven't discussed this with her? That leaves the door wide open for her to say the same - or not. You sort of had the converstation but it was more about how you didn't want to be with men - but I'm not sure you really stated that you weren't interested in them sexually... Yes - these things are difficult, but usually the best rewards in life require some effort.
Thanks for your wise words Jim, I think I need to chill out and just go with the flow.... Thats my stance now..... Thanks guys x
Well Just a quick update and a great big massive thank you to all the guys & gals on here - Me and my best friend have finally stopped beating around the bush and realised we feel the same about each other - so Yeah I am not a mentalist - and on the plus side I am THE happiest I have ever been in my life - Thanks again to the forum/website for being here!!!
