I'll put this here, because "later in life" implies we may have seen more of this. It is more about friendships between marrieds and singles, even more so than it is about sexual identity. To the never marrieds on here, and even to separated and divorced folks on here with no kids or empty nests, have you experienced that your friendships with married people with kids plummeted like a lead ball after they settled in to their new lives? Very few of my married friends have been cognizant enough to keep the friendships going, and I appreciate this. However, for those who haven't been very good at this, they don't forget to send out announcements that would require gifts for births or other milestones. I initially bought into this, and then just stopped responding to such cards. Basically, this shut the door on the friendship, but the door was more closed than open long beforehand, anyway!
Yup, married with kids is a totally different ball game. Life centres on kids, not fun, not parties, not socializing unless it is a play date with another couple with kids. This is especially true of young new parents without a clue. That is the general rule. You will find exceptions. ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2013 at 10:48 AM ---------- As a young parent I had no time for myself let alone a friend.
I haven't been asked for money (everyone knows I'm broke LoL) but I have noticed that once people marry they tend to fall off the face of the earth. I understand why, but it makes me feel left out because I always know I'm in second place to people. I'm never their priority... even if I'm their best friend it always happens without fail! Very hurtful.
Yes. It is hurtful. And the quality of the friendship turns on a dime. BTW, I like your description of your location! That's clever.
Hi, It isn't about you at all. Honest! Having kids is like working two jobs. Them being cute once a week almost makes up for the endless diapers, crap rubbed on the wall, and crying, crying, crying. It is the equivalent of a second job at a poorly run waste treatment facility. Don't feel bad for yourself, feel bad for them. You know why parents beam when they discuss their bundle of joy? Misery loves company. Grandchildren are the ultimate payback. I love my sons, now adults, but man what an endless job.
I know it's not. However, there's a period in between getting hitched and actually having kids. It starts out immediately. You also get cavalier treatment should you attempt to contact them, and I'm talking twice a year, just to keep the friendship going. But, they don't forget to send out cards for all the milestones. Based on the indifferent sound on the other end of the phone, I decided to stop trying to be their friends. And they certainly never contacted me. As far as married people who deliberately chose not to have children, maintaining a friendship has been doable. It's about the very noticeable change, that of even coming off as inconvenienced by a phone call the single person initiates. I was wondering if others have experienced this.
I HATE couples and married people... My greatest fear is that I will become these people when I date... IF I ever do, haha..
I understand that's a post for venting and for finding people who relate, but, you know, here's the other side of things. A quite different other side too. I, for one, always behaved like I was already married. I never stayed single long, and I was always looking for the ultimate long term relationship. When I found it, getting married changed nothing except the tittle. Nor did having kids. I'm still as available as I used to be for activities with friends, or just to hang out. Being married and having kids enriched my life, there's no misery there for me, got to say, we have always been very relaxed and peaceful, zen if you will. And so are our kids. I've always been the one to initiate activities with friends and relative; I still am. I feel like just relaxing at home? Come on in, pals, let's watch a show and drink bear together, kids will be playing in their room. Want to climb op such mountain? No problem, just let me write it down in my calendar so I don't plan anything else that day. The trick; to prioritize. I work, my wife stays at home as it's important to us to be there for our kids. Just that little difference frees lots of time to be a couple and to remain the good friends that we are. I also believe that stressed people have stressed kids who will cry a lot and eat lots of time. For one, we don't let our kids miss us too much; it's a healthy habit of ours to bring them almost everywhere. They will gladly eat in a stroller while on the run or sleep anywhere. Anyway, that's us... so, what's the excuse from busy parents to not be good friends anymore? Both work? Stressed, fussy kids? To me, those two potential problems solve each other, anyway that works for me. Keeping good friends is needed and easy when it's good company
