So lonely

I think you and I are in a very similar spot.
I too have accepted myself. And I reckon I need not only a boyfriend or girlfriend, but also an LGBT friend who understands what I've gone through.
I have friends who are supportive, but I feel as if I needed something more, something to fill that vacuum I have.
I guess for now we have each other (*hug*), and we'll have to wait till someone comes along...

 

Hi,

Is pushing harder to meet somebody an option?

For me the bar scene doesn't work and though there are gay resources for teens and elders there is nothing for 20-65 year olds. So I kept pushing and found a church with a large LGBT population and I attend their functions.

I have decided to ask a friend there who shares my values if he knows anybody he could introduce me to.

As others have said its a numbers game and you have to do the math.

 

Hi Phoenixverde,

I have been very lonely as well. I don't know where you leave but I've found many support and recreational groups in my area. I have been pushing myself to attend stuff. I also have met 1 on 1 wi th old friends for lunch, dinner., etc. keeping busy is good. Im still married but my wife and I are separating so its a hard. I don't have family around. We also went to her family for holidays, etc. now, I'm not comfortable to do so sin e my wife felt she needed to "out" me to them. I don't have gay friends yet but I'm trying. I attend a gay men's psychotherapy group, a gay married men's group, a gay fathers group, and this periodic discussion group called gay men of wisdom. Also try meetups.com which has LGBT Events and groups by interest in paarticular locations. Hang in there

 

Yes I get you when you say you are so lonely, many of us are on EC.
Thank goodness for such a site as people feel accepted, can share their feelings and make friends.
I hope you manage to open up more and find answers to your problems.

 

Hello Phoenix,

I'm so sorry to hear you're so lonely. I know this feeling all too wel. It's extraordinarily painful. I've been so lonely before that I physically hurt from it.

As you say, this is an enormous change for you. Your whole life has been altered from you thought it was. Yes, it's great that you've found yourself, and I know there are happy times ahead for you, but right now, you're still in the midst of the change.

It takes time to adjust, to realize your life's path has taken a new direction. So be patient with yourself and now that this will pass.

In terms of practical advice, here are some thoughts:

The change and loneliness you're experiencing are not unique to those who are coming out. Anyone who has had a major change in her life that alters the course of her life or forces her to see herself or her life in a new way often experiences something similar. Do you have friends who have, for instance, been through a divorce or lost a partent or significant other? How about someone who has had a child? Even though that is a positive life change, it still brings with it a change in identity. If you do have friends who have had to rethink their life at some point, it may be worth seeking them out and talking to then about how they survived the transition.

I also think that seeking out a church that welcomes the LGBT community is a good idea if you're open to attending church. In my area, and I suspect in many areas, the churched most accepting are those that are non-denominational, such as the Unitarian Church and the Unity Church. If you're open to the idea, you might look to see if you have one of these churches in your area.

There's an organization in my town whose function it is to pull the LGBT community together. They show LGBGT themed movies once a week, organize the Pride parade and things like this. If you have something in your town like this, it might be a friendlier place to meet people than at a bar.

And while I know you're not interested in dating at the moment, don't overlook the possibility of a dating site. In my experience, many women are looking for friendship as much as a date, and many are willing to start by becoming friends and then seeing where it leads. Also, if you start seeing someone, even if it leads nowhere, she's likely to introduce you to others in the LGBT community in your area. I've been dating a woman for a few weeks now, and I've made several friends in the group she's introduced me to. I feel confident that even if she and I were to break up, I could still be friends with these people. She's really opened the door to the LGBT community for me.

Please hang in there. Come visit us often when you're feeling lonely or need to chat. We're here for you.

-Zoe

 

Well, a couple of things - you're courageous and you're lucky to have been supported during this recent time of dealing with and disclosing your sexuality, or simply have people around you who have been cool with it.

Try to lean on time tested friends, work at making new friends, which does involve work, and try joining affirming group activities. And there's always the EC crowd you can bounce ideas off on.

 

Don't feel silly. It's your real and genuine feeling, the loneliness. For me, the potential changes in my life are devastating. As Tightrope said just above, I have been told how much courage it takes to come out at this point in life. I don't really feel courageous; I fight loneliness all the time and worry how it will be in the future. It must be really rough to live in a conservative area. But, really, don't be hard on yourself about your feelings, they are completely understandable.

 

No one should feel silly for feeling lonely. I think too many people judge loneliness as a weakness, which only makes the person who feels lonely even more stressed and miserable. It's not easy being lonely, and it's especially painful when you try so hard to break that loneliness. I understand where you're coming from and how you feel.

As a quiet introvert, it's hard for me to make new connections, but I gently remind myself to be persistent. Every little step forward is a positive step, and bad days aren't complete failures. But it sure can be tough to keep moving forward sometimes. EC has been a good place to help remind me that I'm not alone on this journey.

One of these days, though, I'll find and meet that special guy... :icon_wink

 

Hey, So Lonely

I feel exactly that same way. People are being more supportive than I would have ever dreamed them to be. But it's hard to let go of the plans that you had for your life. It's a very painful process. I feel lonely and very depressed. But loneliness is normal and so are you.
Your Courage gives me hope.
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"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -How I Met Your Mother

---------- Post added 14th Jul 2013 at 08:50 AM ----------

Hey, So Lonely

I feel exactly that same way. People are being more supportive than I would have ever dreamed them to be. But it's hard to let go of the plans that you had for your life. It's a very painful process. I feel lonely and very depressed. I have to hope though that it won't last forever. And what you wrote makes me feel a little less alone. So maybe we can all be alone together.
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"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." -How I Met Your Mother

 

(&&&)

 

I understand the feeling all too well. I have wondered if some of my gay friends will accept me, given that I've waited so long to figure this out.

 

I feel the exact same, you aren't alone! I think this is one of those times where you have to adjust to the truth. It will be scary, but we can do it. One day, we will find to trick to not being lonely, and we will be able to share it with everyone else going through a tough time. Besides, we have each other, I suppose.

 

I have the same feeling.. loneliness.. My family and friends didn't know that I'm bisexual.. I don't know where to go and who to speak with...

 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, and that you're busy! I'm also introverted, and having too much time when I've got a problem is a really bad combination. Learning about interesting things will help you stay occupied until you can get more involved with the university group.

 

For anyone of you that needs a friend I am more than willing to be your friend male or female. I know what it is like not having anyone to talk with. It will get better and I know lots of gay men that use online dating sites to help them find someone. Like matching sites