Hi, my name is Abbra and I'm 19 years old. I have been slowly coming out of the closet since I was in the tenth grade, and as of March 2012, I am fully out of the closet. However, I have recently been experiencing a new identity crisis. Now that I'm accepting of myself, I'm unsure what I should do in order to date. I live in Idaho in a town with a very, very lacking gay community. I myself have only met three other lesbians in my town, and the only "big" gay community is a thirty minute drive away. I don't particularly like the lesbians that I know in a relationship way, because they tend to be partiers while I myself am not fully invested in the party lifestyle. My problem is that I fear that I am losing out on social skills because of my lack of dating. I was so in the closet for my teenage years that I missed that stage of courting, and I'm losing more and more time to figure out how to talk to women in a non platonic way. I want to be patient and wait for the right girl to come along, but it's really becoming difficult. It's also beginning to drain my confidence, even though I know it shouldn't. I sometimes flirt with guys even though I'm not interested. It's an awful thing to do, I know, but desperation has an odd way of showing itself. What I'm asking for is advice. How do I deal with being gay without a gay community? Also, should I be more open to the lesbians despite my lack of attraction? I would also like to note that I'm not asking for answers like, "just be patient because you are young" or anything like that, because that is one of those things that are easier said than done. I need actual tools that will help me get through this stage in my life. Thank you.
Dang Idaho.. Maybe try online dating? Or there is this website called meetup it's not a dating website but you find groups on there like I found a lesbian poker group on meetup it's really cool cuz it's not a dating site just a site for group meet ups. Good luck!
Have you considered moving to a college town or a big city? As a matter of personal preference, I know I could not handle living in a small town without a gay community ever again.
Thank you all very much for your advice! I have actually been considering moving to Canada to attend an art school in Vancouver, and the possibility is sounding more promising as time goes on. And I will certainly consider online. If anything, it can at least teach me how to flirt and stuff like that.
I think it is a good idea to move to a big city. You will find more people like you and in general people are more liberal and accepting of gays in bigger cities. Vancouver is beautiful too. I went there once years ago and really liked it.
