I joined EC recently and wanted to introduce myself. I've really enjoyed reading the posts and have been amazed to learn that so many people here have had similar experiences and feelings--I thought I was the only one struggling with some of these issues! I have wondered for many years if I was gay. I have had relationships with men, but it is pretty rare that I find myself attracted to a man so a long time can go by between dates. I tend to find myself drawn more to women and have had a few very intense, confusing friendships with heterosexual women, where we felt like much more than friends but without anything physical. A few years ago I decided I was definitely straight and stopped wondering about the issue. I figured that if I was lucky, the right guy would came along. I've had a few experiences recently that brought all the questions back. In April I reconnected with an acquaintance I was interested in (but she is straight). We ended up going out for dinner. It definitely wasn't a date, although it felt like one--planning to meet, and then afterwards wondering if she had a good time, and if we would end up friends. In the past I would have just pushed those thoughts aside, but this time I really let myself think about it and realized that I wanted it to be a date, and all the questions started again. I realized that I would rather have a real date (and relationship) with a woman than have another intense, confusing friendship with a straight woman. I'm still not entirely sure about all of this. I think the only way to sort it out now is to try dating a woman. I'm away from home for the summer--until early August--so I've had a lot of time to think, but without my usual resources and support. Being able to read posts on EC has been really helpful to me during this time! Thank you all for being here and for sharing your stories.
Hi Geode and welcome to EC. Part of the support that you get comes from the support that you give, which is why this place keeps drawing me in day after day, I hope you also, in the process of figuring yourself out can do so by helping others do the same.
Hello Geode-- Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you've given your situation a lot of thought and know what you want to do moving forward. If nothing else, going ahead with your plan to date women will help clarify the issue for you. I'm glad you found us. You are certainly not alone. I'm 42 and just came out about 2 months ago. While my situation isn't similar to yours in that I did have a relationship with a friend that made me question, I certainly do know about the questions. I wish you the best on your journey. Please do let us know how it goes and come here anytime you need support or advice. I know this site has been an enormous help to me during this process, and I hope it's the same for you. --Zoe
Life is funny. And we all have our own unique journey through it. At the same time our stories can sometimes be similar, and as a result we feel less alone. So welcome to this community. It certainly helped me come to terms with my orientation. I hope it can do the same for you.
Thanks, Zoe. Clarity is definitely what I'm trying to find! This has been something I've been confused about for a long time, but now I am open to exploring it instead of shoving it deep inside. It has been very encouraging to me to read all the stories here.
Thank you, Jim. I am very grateful to have found EC and for the stories I've read here--it has already been very helpful. I hope that I'm able to give back to this community, too.
