Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start, but I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I don't think I want to married anymore...to a man anyway. While I do have sexual and romantic feelings for men and my husband, it just seems like I mostly lean to women or I am very fluid in my orientation. I have always been this way, not so much leaning to women but more fluid. My husband is my best friend and we have been together for over 10 years. We have 2 kids together and I really do love him a lot. This journey has been really painful for both of us. My feelings for women do go away sometimes but the feeling of being committed to a man just doesn't feel right. I'm sure I will end up alone =( as I have been with many men and women and left all relationships because of my fluidity. I've tried making a commitment and sticking to it but I just always end up unhappy. I was just wondering if anyone had any tips to share while dealing with this? I seem to break down at every thing that reminds me of him including our children and I've realized that must be normal. Thanks for reading =)
I'm up nights thinking I will end up alone. Hoping as I have been told that it will all work out in time. Divorce is the right thing for me. I did lose my best friend of 15 years but am realizing how unhealthy the relationship was in many ways. I felt so guilty for hurting him. I spent all those years taking care of him. Just beginning to learn to take care of myself. It's hard. very hard but you will be ok. (*hug*)
Most important: Get enough sleep! I was not functioning well emotionally or physically recently due to lack of sleep- It made negative emotions more intense and Was not coping well.
I'm terrible sorry to hear that you're suffering right now. Yes, the loss of a marriage is huge. I'm in the last stages of a divorce now, and I've been divorced once before, although neither marriage was as long as yours and neither produced children. And I can't promise that you won't end up alone, but it's very unlikely. You may be alone for a while, in terms of not having a significant other, but one things I learned in my time alone is that we're never really alone. We have friends and loved ones to help us out during those times. The trick is remembering that they are there and reaching out to them. And while I know this may not be comforting at the moment, it's always better to be alone than to be in a relationship that is not right right for you. I'm experiencing that right now--it's very tough to have my relationship with my husband end, but I know that it's for the best. And I think breaking down is normal. My husband was abusive. The relationship was terrible, and I wanted him gone. Yet, when I came home to find that he had moved out, I cried my eyes out. No matter how much you know that leaving is the right thing, it doesn't make it easier. The end of a relationship is sad--it's not just the end of the relationship, but it's the end of the future you had planned. Allow yourself time to be sad. You have to feel the feelings in order to move on. I'm sorry--this is a little disjointed, but I hope I've offered something that can help you. --Zoe
I myself am in a very similar situation. We are not married but we have been friends for six years, living together for three and have a beautiful baby boy together. In the eyes of church and state we might as well be married. The pain certainly feels the same. I have never had to navigate something so complex in my life. My advice to you is to keep your heart and mind open and to stay honest. That's the greatest gift you can give your partner. Hopefully you are blessed in that he is patient and compassionate toward your experience as a woman. Have you renegotiated your living situation or redefined your relationship at all? I have been blessed to receive an immense support system. One that will allow me to maintain my living situation and ultimately provide the stability for my son that is most important. As parents we are so eager to sacrifice ourselves for our children. It took me years to figure out that OUR OWN HAPPINESS leads to theirs. Also-instead of crying over the shattered heart of a broken marriage-try to focus on the message you want to send your children during difficult circumstances. I have come to the conclusion that life is full of surprises and above everything else, I do not want my son to think his mother is a hypocrite for caving to societal values. I admire you. -and hope you have been able to find strength. Take care.
