You are a gay ! so why you are afraid of sleeping with guys ?

Pretty much just because of what society thinks...I just have to get over it.

 

It is internalized homophobia.

I was in a LTR with a guy for 15 years. He refused to kiss me. That was his only limitation.

But that stupid limit kept him believing "I am not gay".

27 years later, two wives later, two screwed ip kids later, he has lost everything, he finally admits he is gay, and whines how badly life has treated him.

He burned himself.

It is a form of denial you are discussing. You have built an escape hatch so you can deny your sexuality.

Nothing new or healthy there.

---------- Post added 17th Jul 2013 at 10:21 AM ----------

Thing is in the course of harming yourself you will harm others.

How much better of would you and your gf be if you were honest about your sexualit from the start? Tons?

 

There are many gay men here who chose the closet initially.

Ask them how healthy it was for them.

I am only telling you what I lived.

When I was your age I made the same mistake you are considering now.

Fear is a terrible reason to make a choice.

First, If the world rejects you and you lose family, friends and job, you were living in a fantasy with no value. You have lost nothing.

Second, you won't lose any of those things.

You are in a free country. You can move to gay friendly areas and have a REAL life.

I am saying this as a friend. You know that.

 

i'm not afraid because our society.. I'm afraid to be with girls because it's still weird for me to think about me with a girl, and I'm afraid that i won't like it as much as i like it in my mind.. (i never had a girldfriend or boyfriend) I guess i have those concerns of someone who never had been in relationships

 

Fusoc...

You are afraid of disturbing your fantasy with reality?

I guess on the death bed some will have fantasized a great life.

I could not resist. Sorry.

Life is about LIVING not imagining.

Is internalized realityphobia a thing.

Tom

 

I think many of us finally come to the realization that we are gay based on physical attraction. But our developing sexuality is retarded. It doesn't develop properly. Many of us have a hard time with other aspects of falling in love. Such as affectionate and romantic feelings. We go about our adult lives in a straight world not allowing ourselves to develop or explore these feelings. Some will go so far as to embrace the physical part of a gay relationship but insist they are not gay. Because that thought is so horrible.

 

Only the thought is horrible to some, the reality is different.

 

Regarding the issue of 'what society thinks'...

'Society' is rather like a farm animal like a horse or cow. It's big, it's strong, and you probably don't want to get kicked by it. But with the right mindset and approach you can largely exploit it for your own purposes while otherwise living your life as you choose.

On a rather less Machiavellian note, I'm out to pretty much everyone with the exception of a couple of relatives (who are known homophobes) who I only see every few years to every decade or so. I live in the US, which while getting better is not exactly leading the charge in the gay rights dept, at least compared to large chunks of Europe. If you are in Eastern Europe I suppose things could be rather more complicated. But if your are in the EU, everything I've seen on the news and from folks here gives the sense that you could pretty much live as you wish and no one will care.

Can you help us understand your concerns in more detail?

Todd

 

I can tell you from experience that it is not good for you not to accept your sexuality. I did that for many years and married a woman. I never had sex with her that I wasn't fantasizing about a man while doing it. I have cheated her out of the life she deserved a man that wasn't gay.
This life caused me to be depressed however I faked it very well. I was a mans man fast cars motorcycles all the manly things I thought proved how masculine I was to family and friends.
Fast forward to two years ago. I finally decided to come out to her and to my brother. She has a dont ask don't tell attitude. My brother tells me he loves me unconditionally I feel bad being with men but she discontinued relations with me over twelve years ago.
The result of my actions caused me to be a fat guy, get diabetes, and overall eat all the time to make myself feel better. Two years ago I began having relations with men. I am no longer overweight. I have to make myself eat at times, I am not depressed I finally like myself. God and religion that I threw myself into never changed or cured me. I am who I am and accept it.
That is what denial did to me. If you can't come out to others at least come out to yourself. If you are gay you will feel most comfortable with men. You can not deny it you can't change it. It will consume you like it did me for many years.
Rejoice your sexuality and feel love from another human man and if not love sex will fulfill you to a lesser degree it will help you more than denial.
(!)

---------- Post added 17th Jul 2013 at 05:22 PM ----------

Ps I flat out love men. So many men so little time

 

I felt the same way, but after coming out and accepting that I was not straight or bi but 100% gay I was able to start developing a relationship with another guy. Since then it has been a slow evolution but I am proud gay man in love with a wonderful guy and afraid to show it anyone!

 

As people I follow on social networking sites who are gay, their relationships only last for 2 weeks and then they move on to another guy and then after a month they move onto other guys. I just don't understand if that is gay guys only but I don't want my first relationship with a guy to end after a 2 week period, it probably will ruin me...

 

Part of it for me is self-image issues. I can get past the idea of coming out in theory in my head, but the self-image issues always seem to push me back to square one. I have what I consider to be quite a few cosmetic issues with my body including a few with my penis. I often catch myself thinking, "Why come out to anyone if I am this undesirable? It's not like anyone could be aroused when seeing me naked."

I know on a logical level that this is somewhat of an exaggeration, but I haven't been able to convince myself of this on an emotional level. I know it is all tied into a fear of rejection. I definitely need to get myself in a position where I can afford some professional counseling and visit a doctor to get a realistic handle on things. The negative thought process hurts so much!

 

SimpleMan,

You a redhead? First thing that comes to mind for me as two of my siblings are redheads and appearance bothers them. Nobody else cares a lick.

You ever thought maybe some guys would find you sexy exactly for the reasons you reject yourself?

 

My issues aren't specific to being a redhead. As a matter of fact, that is one of the things I do like about myself. I get told a lot by women how they wish they had my hair color. (Strawberry blond as they describe it.) Guys ask me a lot if I dye my hair because of my natural blonde highlights. I think it's definitely one of my best physical attributes.

I've heard the roller coaster of emotions analogy before, but it feels like a giant game of chutes and ladders for me. I start to feel better about myself, my appearance and the idea of coming out to find myself somehow sliding back down to square one. Then slowly trying to make my way back up to my goal only to be caught off-guard by another slide.

 

Sometimes people just aren't ready, same thing for straight people.

Or

Perhaps that once you do have sex with a member of the same it is solidifies your being gay.

 

Honestly, for me, it's because I've never been with a man, and the idea of sex with a man makes me feel like a virgin again. Maybe it's stupid, but I know what to do with a girl. With a guy... it all feels new again. I don't wanna mess it up, and wind up with a man who'll take advantage of me. I guess I feel... intimidated, but I feel ashamed that I feel that way. It shouldn't be this difficult...

 

I was afraid of having sex with women at first because I was afraid I wouldn't have a clue what I was doing and be so bad in bed that no one would ever want me. With out giving too much detail... It's wayyyy more intuitive that you would imagine.