Is anyone else in therapy?

Don't worry about it. You're a woman speaking to a woman therapist, and it's in California. While that's not necessarily a guarantee, I'm sure she's ok with it and has heard it before. If you continue with additional sessions, just make sure you can get comfortable with her. If you can't, it's either she's not the therapist for you, or therapy, and what it entails of you, is really hard. And it is.

 

It's huge that you came out to her. You should be proud of yourself. It's normal to feel really vulnerable right now. (*hug*)

 

It's their job, so they hear a lot. Sexuality, in general, whether it's sexual identity, ambivalence, compatibility, marital issues, and a lot of other things are often a big part of anyone's practice, I would think.

 

Lindsey,

My therapist was the first person I came out to, too. I totally understand your insecurities--this is a huge change in your life and introduces a lot of complications.

I can tell you, though, that your therapist thinks no less of you. They are trained to be non-judgmental, and even if they weren't, they have heard all sorts of things, and if they were intolerant of differences or judgmental, they would have already quit.

I can almost guarantee your therapist has heard all sorts of things which probably make your coming out seem tame (to her, not to you, if you know what I mean). If you feel that your sessions are changing in some way, however, then you may want to address that with her and if you can't get it resolved, look for a new therapist.

I don't recommend quitting. You're at a very important crossroads in your life. You've made a major discovery about yourself, and you'll be dealing with the results, whatever they are. You need some help now, especially if you've dealt with depression in the past. Something like coming out has the potential to send you right back into depression without some guidance. If you like your therapist and think she's been helpful so far, I'd say stay with her. Let her help you through this process. My therapist has been invaluable to me in my own journey.

--Zoe

 

I came out to my therapist/ psychologist on the first visit. He knows I am comfortable with my sexuality. He is working with me about my issues with marrying my wife when I should not have. I have been married for many years, and she is my best friend though she knows I am gay she has adopted a don't ask don't tell mindset. It works for us and she accepts me as I am. Whyme10:eusa_danc

 

Coming out to my therapist was exhilarating. She got a big smile on her face and then asked how I felt. The rest is history. I went to therapy for about two more months after that. I went through a serious crush and crash during that time but I was fine and still am.

BTW, she had a picture of a woman on her desk so I suspected it would be okay to say something. I was right. She is bi but does not deal with men any more.

 

I went to therapy exclusively for identity related issues, so I came out to him in my first session, though I had no idea that I'd be able to....it was one of the most difficult things that I've done in my life, and I've been seeing him since.

Of course, being I was going to therapy for this very issue, I chose a gay therapist, so I know that he thinks no less of me for being gay.

He may think less of me for some of my views on the world, however. But that's a topic for a different thread, I think anyone would think less of me for these things

 

Isn't it interesting how we are also interviewing them, in a way, by looking for cues, clues, their responses, and other things, which may affect how the therapeutic relationship goes?

 

Most psychologs have been taught about this.I think you will be ok.

 

I was in total denial about being gay but in the midst of separation and divorce I knew that I had to end this constant questioning that weighed me down. I found a therapist who deals with gay issues and the best thing I ever heard was her saying, "It's ok, you're gay..." after I beat around the bush about my "feelings" during the first visits.

Over 18 months she has sat and listened and told me to slow down and let things unfold naturally. Every once in a while she asks a question that seems out of left field - she asked early on if I wished I was a woman. Whoaa!! What?? Months later it dawned on me that I had gender identity issues back to when I was about 6-9 years old. I had lived in a bunker for 40 years, not just a closet!

I continue to evolve and find PEACE with who I really am and who I am becoming. That sounds like what you might need as well - peace with who you are and what you like, what makes you click. It's not all black and white.

I say stay with it, resist the urge to judge yourself or hurry to catch up with your 20-30 years of disquiet. You will become wiser and more self-assured and will learn to love who you are in a completely new and energizing way.

 

I had to switch therapist because of this issue. he equated being gay with deviant behavior (like being a sex offender.) My next therapist was a lesbian. She was okay but I tend to be more open with male therapist.

 

I also tend to be more open with a male therapist. My "worst" (IMO) therapist was a male, but so was the "best" (IMO). I had some short-term therapy with a woman while in grad school and she was downright frosty, so opening up in a short-term situation, and with her, was out of the question. I wonder if most therapists prefer to work with the same gender most of the time, unless it's therapy for couples or a family system.

 

I personally don't think that I could be as open with my therapist if he were a woman. I just don't think there's any way....

Gay guys click with other gay guys!

 

What about a gay or bi guy with a straight male therapist? That could vary somewhat.

 

How funny you should ask this, I told my therapist last week that I'm in love with a woman. I've never told anyone about my bisexuality before and I was terrified of how she'd react (no idea why, I mean she's a psychiatrist for heaven's sake, sexuality must be such a common cause of confusion for patients and I'm sure she's heard much much worse!). She smiled and her eyes lot up a bit in the way they only do when I say something she wants to hear.
I can't help but wonder if she's known all along and had been waiting for me to realise it?

As to that therapist who likened homosexuality to deviancy, he should have his license revoked. What a f-tard.