I'm 28 years old and was in a relationship for 6 years with a male (I'm female) I didn't admit to myself until up to a year ago that I'm gay. I had a child with the man that I was with and now I'm getting asked all these questions like "well how could you be gay and have a child"?Why didn't I come out when I was a lot younger? I now have a girlfriend and am very happy with my life and wouldn't change it for anything. I'm just confused as to why I didn't realize this a long time ago.
I can't answer your question but I am empathize. You were probably raised to be straight, like I was. You just do what you have to do, go through the motions, imagine yourself to feel things that you don't (or feel them differently) and then one day when all the dust settles after a huge mess you start to see things a little clearer without the lie you built blocking your view. You don't happen to play bagpipes do you?
I fail to see what playing the bagpipes has anything to do with anything, but whatever.... As for your original question, I have the same one, except slightly different. I knew that I was gay for quite some time, and therefore have completely avoided any intimate relations with anyone, which has totally stunted me now later in life. Why, oh why could I not admit this part of myself earlier? I think that the answer lies somewhere in the fact that we are brought up in an extremely heteronormative society, which places value and emphasis on the fact that a man loves a woman, and that's that. We don't grow up with diverse viewpoints of sexuality. I'm happy that is now beginning to change, but I think for those of us over the age of 13, it's too little too late for us (but for those that are under that age that are discovering their sexual identities, I think that it's a WONDERFUL thing).
Rainbowman - yes, a heteronormative society expects us to be and act hetero. I always thought something was wrong with me. I was taught, indirectly that there WAS something wrong with me so I grasped heterosexuality despite a growing distaste for relationships with men. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to grasp a woman but for all it's worth I am extremely content right now and in a growing relationship with a wonderful woman. Things may have been different had I come out earlier but that didn't happen. I have three wonderful boys (men) one of whom is also gay. He taught me that it's okay. I came out ten years after he did. He is growing up in an increasingly accepting society and though he was teased some in high school he found his niche in college and ran with it. I found my niche too and I'm catching up! I don't hear comments about why I was married and had kids except when my youngest son outed me to his math class (he was defending LGBT fol - mainly my son and I). People are clueless unless they have lived the life.
I really thought there was just something wrong with me. It took me many years to realize that I was not "damaged goods". I'm not a broken straight person, I'm not a straight person at all! How liberating to finally realize and accept it. For me I think it took being celibate and alone for 2+ years to separate my struggles to have relationships with men from my attraction to women. I'm just so happy not to be pretending to be be straight (or bi) any longer. I guess none of that responds to your original post. My only answer is strong societal and family pressure enforces hetero relationships. I'm a perfectionist and people pleaser so I thought I could do it (be straight). I was really misguided.
I hope you don't think I was brushing off your real concerns; there was certainly no slight intended whatsoever. When I said that I can empathize I really meant it because I am going through the same thing. I got married, and now I'm divorced with a 2 year old and trying to figure it all out.
I've been there. I was with a girl for seven years before it all collapsed. Denial is a powerful thing. I had forced myself to believe I was straight since childhood, so much so that, on the surface, I actually believed it. But like any relationship built on denial, it just couldn't last.