1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Jealous of my son & i know i should not be feeling like this

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by HERTSODDBALL, Jul 20, 2013.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. HERTSODDBALL

    HERTSODDBALL
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hertfordshire UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I need to just vent my frustration so bear with me. Since my son came out to me several months back he has been bringing boyfriends home, I do not have any issues with him at all I love him to the end of my days & will do anything for him. He knows all about my sexuality being Bi as a teen then locking my self in the closet & bowing down to the homophobic society. Now that he's out to me the closet door seems to be cracking open, this has led to all sorts of emotions building up inside me, I know I should not feel jealous of my sons boyfriends but I just can not turn off emotions like this. Perhaps its that i am feeling guilty of myself for not being stronger as a teen & accepting myself for who I was/am. As world war three has been going on me head the last few months & is now making me ill I think I must do something before I implode. I think the years of denial are over & I can say to myself I am GAY. Those three little letters that have been missing from my life. I am now plucking up courage to tell my sister in the next few days, If I don't I know that the inner me the one with his finger on the trigger of a shotgun will fire.( figure of speech I am not suicidal yet LOL ). As I am have uncontrollable bursts of tears I will have to pick this up later having trouble seeing the keys for the tears. If anyone has any pointers for me I would very much appreciate them.:tears::help:
     
    #1 HERTSODDBALL, Jul 20, 2013
  2. Krilky

    Krilky Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2013
    Messages:
    247
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South of San Jose
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know this sounds difficult, but you should wait at least a year after your son comes out, to avoid seeming like you're "copying" or something. Make it seem like an independent event.
     
    #2 Krilky, Jul 21, 2013
  3. BiPenguin

    BiPenguin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney
    Times were different for us. Lots of shame and other rot with it.
     
    #3 BiPenguin, Jul 21, 2013
  4. gravechild

    gravechild
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    He should come out whenever he pleases. If he thinks this is the time, and no one thinks otherwise, then it's best sooner rather than later.

    I remember being at that stage, *having* to tell someone, preferably a family member, since I was going insane inside my head. My parents were accepting, luckily, but even if they hadn't been, a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It wasn't a secret anymore, and the suicidal feelings lifted.

    What your son has, you can have, too. Accepting it is one of the hardest parts, with coming out a close second, so believe me, you're almost there. You won't have issues, those are lifelong for any minority, but it won't feel like WWIII forever. Good luck! We're here if you need us!
     
    #4 gravechild, Jul 21, 2013
  5. whyme10

    whyme10
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hartford U S A
    I can definitely relate to your story. I do not have any children but I would certainly have loved to have them. I have known I am gay all of my life. I got married as was said due to the pressures of the time I grew up in. Life was very different then. It was illegal in the good old U S A I know believe me. Perhaps you are not jealous of your son as much as envious. If you are not still married get on with pursuing a relationship. If you are married try to find a way to be with some bi guys. That is what works best for me. I hope things work out for you. By the way enjoy your son cherish him and support him.i have no children as I said and miss what I do not have. Whyme10
    . :kiss:
     
    #5 whyme10, Jul 21, 2013
  6. HERTSODDBALL

    HERTSODDBALL
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hertfordshire UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks for the comments so far. I have been separated for about five years now the boys going on men are still with me. Also in the process of sorting house & divorce just to add more stress. My gay son is 19 & we do have good heart to heart chats, as the saying goes a chip off the old block. The oldest @ 25 does not know about me yet nor does my 24 yr old daughter. The older two are both stepchildren even though they tell me I am their only true dad as I have stood by them. Looking back I can say hand on heart my son is the only thing I don't regret he makes me feel so proud. Oh my these emotions are coming out like someone opened the flood gate. I am not used to this I have had to put up shell of Armour all my life to stop being hurt. Must go get a cupper & compose myself before I end up a gooey mess on the floor.
     
    #6 HERTSODDBALL, Jul 21, 2013
  7. Choirboy

    Choirboy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't know why you WOULDN'T feel jealous! I have a 20-year-old niece who is pretty much in-your-face out, has a girlfriend, splatters pictures all over Facebook etc., and when I think of myself at 20 (and now 30 years later), I definitely feel rather jealous.

    I'm itching to be out myself, but my wife is rather messed up (to say the least--a hoarder, abysmal self-esteem and very probably bipolar), and now that I have figured out what I want, my next step is to get it in a way that will not send her completely over the edge. Looking back of the past 20 years with her, I have come to realize that I picked someone who was even more screwed up than I was, and while I have moved forward and tried to heal, she has sunk deeper and deeper into her problems. Even our teenaged daughters recognize it, and the fact that I'm gay may end up being far less of an issue than the fact that she is getting crazier all the time. But accepting myself and talking to a few people at work has given me a huge amount of strength.

    Be a little jealous, sure. You have reason to be. Just make sure that you appreciate your son for all he's worth, though. The flip side of all those missed years of being out and having a "real" life is that you have him, and I have my girls. Erasing all those years in the closet would be incredible, but even if I could, I probably wouldn't do it, if it meant erasing them too. Acknowledging what you have missed and moving forward is always healthier than brooding about it and staying stuck.
     
    #7 Choirboy, Jul 21, 2013
  8. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Messages:
    2,432
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi,

    Nothing like children who are hard wired tot every emotion with a finger on a hair trigger. Before my sons I did not cry but like you now they can obscure vision with pide, joy, sadness.

    My gay friends who don't have children don't understand this, those with do.

    Grave child is 100% correct about timing. If it is time do it. I want the person who offered the advice to understand in a broader sense; A younger person doesn't understand the "closet" dance. The closet is ALL about being afraid of what others will think. Worrying about a copycat appearance IS the closet talking. A person must do what is right for them in the moment.

    If his did not know I would say tell him first, but his son does know. His son will be there like the cavalry for him and he knows it.

    Never hesitate to be who you are.
     
    #8 skiff, Jul 21, 2013
  9. HERTSODDBALL

    HERTSODDBALL
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hertfordshire UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Bit of an update I had a good heart to heart with my son this afternoon & he agreed with me. I will be sorting a day to tell my sister & also my two gay friends who live up the road. He also said when the day comes I bring a man home he would be glad. But I will have to tell the other two kids first though. We can now face the future together no matter what it holds & can support each other. Thanks again for the words of encouragement it is a great help to know I am not along in my suffering.
     
    #9 HERTSODDBALL, Jul 21, 2013
  10. Amerigo

    Amerigo
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2013
    Messages:
    860
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    between land and sea
    ^ that is so nice
     
    #10 Amerigo, Jul 21, 2013
  11. sagebrush

    sagebrush
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2013
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thanks for the uplifting update, H. Wishing you the best as time goes on...
     
    #11 sagebrush, Jul 21, 2013
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)