Greetings folks, I was finally able to have two of my three kids over this weekend, it was great having them. My oldest (17) had other plans. Ultimately I found myself with only my youngest son, and we had a great time together, went swimming, had pie, and ended the day with a smoked meat sandwich in Old Montreal (now I have to figure out what I`m going to eat from now to payday as my food budget was rather busted). My soon-to-be-ex (but not soon enough) is playing games, setting up arbitrary rules, such as my needing to pick them up and drop them off at exactly set times (I was 2 minutes late and she actually called me to tell me that I was late) or I forfeit the right to have them every second weekend according to our agreement (this will go on record, no doubt about it). It's ridiculous, unreasonable and vicious, but that's the way she wants to play it. Her hatred of me is unbelievable. Always, she plays the child card, I'm not doing anything for her, of course, it's always for the kids. Well that's getting old... So I'm a little down today, my kids are back with her and life goes on...
It's nice to hear you had a good time with your kid. I'm sorry you're down about it, sounds like a rough situation, but hopefully when she officially becomes the ex, things will start to even out for all of you.
Sorry to hear about this, GW. It sounds like a deflation of sorts, after having a great day with your kid doing fun things in your city, and then having to reflect on the event, both the positive aspects as well as some of the accompanying negativity. I have heard that this is somewhat typical when there is shared custody and it gets more comfortable when they become their own people (adults) and can decide things for themselves, like who they want to hang out with. I've heard that kids come to their senses and the relationship with the parent who is painted in a negative light gets better and stronger, so be patient. Try to have a good week.
I worry about that sort of thing happening.... We have not even discussed splitting yet, and I'm not out to her, but our kids (12 and 15) have already told me that if we did, they are coming with me because "Mom is crazy". I can't see her trying any custody games, but she has made a career out of portraying herself as a damsel in distress who is being victimized by cruel and evil people in her life (her mother, grandmother, brothers, ex-husband etc.). Yeah, I fell for it too, and "rescued" her from Husband #1, so clearly in addition to being closeted and confused, I was also naïve and stupid! I'm not really sure how she will eventually react, but some kind of mind games are sure to be involved. How old are your younger ones? How have they reacted to all this? Mine actually seem to WANT their mom out of the picture, but are pretty clueless about the possible ramifications, although I've discussed it some with my oldest and she kind of gets it. I also told her (today, in fact) that once we do split, I would be totally open to the possibility of dating a guy, and she replied that while she herself wasn't gay, she had no problem with it. She also didn't seem even slightly surprised, interestingly enough. I hope things improve for you. If nothing else, all this will prove your own strength and resilience, and in the end it will make a normal life something even more of a treasure because it was so hard fought. It's good to see people working through it. Gives me hope for what I will face before too long. Good luck!
Thank you for your kind words, gentlemen, they mean a lot to me. I find that the kids will complain about their mother to me, but are reluctant to choose sides (understandably). They are actually pretty accurate judges of us, three little critics who don't hold back... Still they are indeed quite resilient, and they see the humour in things despite everything. We're both doing our best for them, but the toxicity is not helping.
I'm glad you had a nice weekend with your kids. Is your separation agreement written in such a way that the times are that specific? (Do you have a separation agreement?) If it isn't written in that way, they just ignore her. Being 2 minutes late isn't a reason to withhold your entire weekend visit. It's not like they're more her kids than yours! If she pulls a stunt like that, call the police and have her charged with kidnapping. If she wants to play games... Hopefully you'll all settle into a 'new normal' and this kind of thing will pass. It's unfortunate though for sure... the kids certainly pick up on the stress and strain. Try to not let it bother you. Obviously she's a little worked up over all this, so the kids are getting lots of stress from her.
Sorry to hear the to be ex is being such a pain but some of them can be so bitter & twisted, but it can come back to bite them when the kids grow up. At least you had a good time with your youngest. Jus bide your time when they grown up they will be able to make there own choices. All the best (*hug*)
Thanks Jim, Our (interim) separation agreement is not at all detailed other than "every second weekend or per mutual agreement". So I agree, she has no case, but it does stress the kids unnecessarily. It's the nastiness of it though, my wanting some flexibility (because I was getting the place ready for them, and well, by bus everything takes longer) means to her that I am blowing off my responsibility to uphold the agreement. So when I try to negotiate these things she starts tying them to the other issues in our divorce case. :bang: Good idea about calling for kidnapping though...if it comes to that I won't hesitate, she keeps threatening me with such actions... I'm keeping a record of these outrages, aggressive tactics and lawyers do not necessarily win the day.
At least you got to see your kids. Too bad about your soon to be ex wife... How long will be it be before the divorce is final? I hope for your sake ASAP.
At the end of the Day the Kids know who they Love & playing mind games were kids are involved always backfires on the guilty party, it really pisses me off when Women use there children as weapons against their ex's, I am so glad you had a great time, I empathize with you about that empty feeling after they have gone (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
The day of reckoning has been pushed back to the far beyond, don't know when it will take place, it's slow torture; call it cruel and unusual punishment... ---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2013 at 06:31 PM ---------- Thanks DB, I know you go through the same thing, the bitterness never ends... Your hugs are truly appreciated!
That is cruel and unusual punishment! The sooner it's over with, the better for everyone--especially the kids.
Totally agree, she could have made this process so much less expensive and tedious, but she thought she could get more with a lawyer (unbelievable, I know). How do you get more from nothing???
Lawyers are pretty good at making something out of nothing. Just noticed this thread, so I'm a little late. At least you still get to see your kids, and from what I understand they seem fine with you, so that's a good sign. Out of curiosity, I don't remember if you've mentioned this in a previous thread, but are you out to your kids? I seem to remember a daughter and younger son being a little confused about it, but I'm not sure if I'm confusing you with another EC member.
In my case the divorce comes before coming out. The marriage is ending for many more issues than my orientation, though to be honest, that is a large part of the equation. I don't need to give her and her lawyer further ammunition to screw me. Once the papers are signed, that's when I will tell them, and I am pretty certain that the kids will take it well, don't know how the ex-wife will take it, but I will have no hesitation in telling her anyway.
Ah, so I did confuse you with another EC member. My bad. So long as the kids take it well, then everything will be good. Your ex-wife is in for a treat when she hears about this, although it's going to be a while before she finds out from what I've read from your posts.
