Figuring out identity within lesbian community

Wear what you like, whether that's for style or for comfort or some mix of the two. While I see where your friend is coming from, it shouldn't matter how you dress when attracting others. If you want to wear heels one day, go ahead. If you'd rather wear flats instead, no big deal.

 

Funnily enough Hope Floats, I'm in a similar predicament. I'm 33, a lawyer, and I actually just went shopping today for "gay friendly shoes"! :lol: (For the record, I bought some high-top Converse sneakers and a pair of flat, black, studded motorcycle boots).

I've always worn skirts and heels, a) because I thought I was straight and, b) because they suit my short legs well.

I went to a gay bar a few years ago and a butch girl told me she could tell I was straight because I had high heels and a handbag. I guess I've been holding on to that stereoptype for a long time but my recent discoveries have taught me that LGBTs simply don't have a 'look'.

That being said, I think if we dress totally 'straight' it is very hard for other girls to identify us. I've decided to wear skinny jeans and flats when I go out instead of a dress and heels (so much more comfortable too!) just for a while. I'm also wearing a rainbow bracelet to try and send the message out there. I think if I had a girlfriend, I would probably dress a bit more femininely but as you say, I'm trying to make myself a bit more visible just now.

From a fashion perspective, I'm thinking of creating a sort of Miranda from Sex and the City/ Annie Hall inspired wardrobe, but TBH I don't really want my work to know about my sexuality just yet.

I don't think you should dress like who you want to attract at all, even if you did only like one 'type'! You need to find your own look and stop worrying about labels.

And you need to go shopping!

 

You should wear whatever you feel like on the day according to what you are doing and what mood you are in. You shouldn't have to dress to fit in or to mirror what you want to try and attract. If you are worried about people not knowing you are gay then perhaps add a rainbow bracelet or something similar to your straighter looking outfits and then if people are wondering they should know.

 

You should just dress the way you want, in what makes you comfortable, and the rest will take care of itself. Mostly, it will be eye contact, vibes, and small talk which will convey interest. Hey, I've gotten caught "with my pants down" in a suit downtown - my eye contact was a nanosecond too long, and the interest was understood, but unsure it if was appreciated. Just make your personality transcends these boundaries. They'll get past the wardrobe and the labels if there's a fit. Good luck and let us know.

 

I'm a bit shocked to read this thread to be honest, haha.
Why would people dress based on their sexual orientation? No offense, but doing that is a bit stupid because you automatically label other people within the community.
Just dress the same way you dressed before if you liked it that way. Never change your appearance because of your new found sexual orientation.

 

Lol Wear what you want to wear. Let someone find you.

 

I have always dressed butch to the point that I got in trouble in junior high for not wearing a skirt to a band concert as the girls were supposed to do. I did go through a phase where I dressed "like a girl" on Sundays because I sang on a worship team and had to look "like a woman" but those days are over.

All along, I kind of had a suspicion that I was a lesbian and other people thought that I was one from the way I dressed and walk (yeah, my lesbian niece pointed that out to me).

Dress for yourself and for what makes you comfortable. I think that rainbow bracelet (or necklace) is a good idea. I love seeing those and bumper stickers because I love to see others being "out".

 

I'm into butch so I watch for that. I look for that style too.

When I was viewing online dating profiles it was very obvious the type I liked. Been with a soft butch woman for about four months now. However, it is funny that she is not butch in all aspects. I am definitely the top in this (which I love).

We are going to a Melissa Etheridge concert in September with my group of friends. It ought to be very interesting to view a crowd full of mostly lesbians.

 

Ba ha ha! How does a lesbian walk?? This is bizarre to me!! I had no idea gay people walked differently. Can someone please explain the difference to me? I'm totally oblivious.

 

Well, I've been told that I have a very confident walk with a bit of a swagger? Something like that. I wouldn't exactly know either because I thought just walked. Try watching somebody who is obviously butch though. I do think they definitely don't walk like a "lady".

I think I will blame that walk on having five brothers, being in the military, and trying to keep with my boys. :lol:

 

Don't dress in a certain way simply because it fits in with some "stereotype". I'm the most masculine gay guy you could ever meet, and pass for straight easily.

My weekend attire? Jeans (or shorts recently, jeans would be unbearable!) and a t-shirt. My weekday attire? Dress shirt and khakis (and that's stretching it). My fashion sense is defective, and it shows.

So don't think that you have to dress in any specific fashion in order to "fit in". I've never had anyone in a gay bar tell me that I was straight, then again I haven't exactly had guys hitting on me either....

 

A lesbian walks by putting one foot in front of the other and then shifting her weight to the front foot before bringing the back foot ahead of the forward one. That's what I've observed.

 

Honestly, I wear dresses to work and wifebeaters on the weekend. That's how I dressed before I came out and that's how I dress now. Being out doesn't change who you are. just keep your nails short, and accessorize with pride jewelry if you feel the need.

 

Honestly, Hope, *of course* wear what you like! But if there are particular items/styles you always wanted to wear but were afraid they'd peg you as a lesbian...you might enjoy giving those a try too.

I agree about the pride jewelry...also a discrete bumper sticker can be cool (I picked one up recently with the familiar Coexist logo, but in an awesome funky rainbow motif)...it doesn't scream "queer"...but it doesn't hide it either.

 

Hi Hope,

Long time, no chat.

It seems like you've gotten a lot of varied advice. I'm not sure I have much to add, except maybe this:

If you feel that coming out has given you freedom to dress in a way you weren't comfortable doing before, then go for it. It might allow you to explore different aspects of this newly-discovered part of yourself. On the flip side, you may find that you are now free to give up certainly clothes that don't seem to fit you.

If you find that that's not the case, and you're perfectly happy wearing what you were wearing, then wear that.

I'm pretty femme--I don't own jeans, shorts, and I have only one pair of pants--but even I need my yoga pants and tennis shoes days.

--Zoe