I am 35 years old and just got separated from my wife. We have 4 children together. We are in an unfortunate situation where we are stuck living together. The good part about that is I love my children very much and am glad they are a big part of my life. My whole life until now I have been focused on making every one else around me happy, so I dated women, I married in my twenties. I had children with my wife because that was the expectation. Then one day I found out she was having relations outside the marriage and I decided I was done pretending. I grew up in a very anti-gay household and neighborhood. As far as I know, no one from my generation came out from my hometown area (which was pretty small to begin with). Now that I am ready to start living for myself, I want to meet men. The only problem is, I have no idea where to start. All the dating sites I've seen seem to be a joke. There isn't a local gay hang out that I am aware of. As far as I can see, I seem to be alone on an island. Does any one have any good advice for me on how to find datable guys in my age group? Or any advice about my situation in general? Thanks for your help.
Hi, Welcome. Same boat here. But there is always a but... MeetUp worked for me. Made one good friend through that social activity group. Just friends nothing more. Then through the local Universalist church (I am not a church goer) I met more gay men in a sane environment. The Universalist church I attend is 75% LGBT, skewed to L. My buddies there tell me the other local Universalist church is skewed to G and they have no idea why the demographics exist. I attend for the coffee hour not the service, but to me there is a lot more spirituality in the coffee hour. I am encouraging them to open a Pride center which they are open too. These friends identified gay bars in the area and although as lame and sexually oriented as online dating sites I go there to play pool with my friend around accepting people. I am not threatened by people making advances which I politely turn down, but usually it evolves into interesting conversations about our lives and diverse outlooks on life. Weirdly, my friend and I end up being center of attention playing pool. We are good friends and we "click" and it must show as we are often asked if we are a couple. So there is hope for you too but being 34 you know you have to grab life by the horns and if something isn't there you want you need to find ways to build it. Eventually you will need your own space.
Check craigslist under "strictly platonic" then "men for men." That's how I found the social club I just joined.
Well, I checked out Unitarian Churches, and there are none any where near me. Craigslist doesn't list anything in my area other than dudes looking to work out with some one, or trying to rent an apartment. I really appreciate the advice though. I guess I just live in a less than desirable area. I would move, but I have my kids to consider.
Hi, Kids an do flourish everywhere. Just be sure "kids" are not a handy excuse for avoiding the instability of major life change (eg, moving, new job, dwelling challenges, etc) Only you know. As said here many times before; change only happens when the pressure of what is exceeds the fear of what might be. You aren't there yet. You can always do weekend trips to more distant locals. You would think there would be gay platonic hostels for inexpensive weekends.
While it is true that I am not ready to move out yet because I am worried about not getting custody of my children, I would really like to meet guys that aren't necessarily straight. Mind you, I am not cruising for hook ups. I just want to find other guys I can have an actual conversation with, without having to how who I am. I am not going to give up. I appreciate the feedback and am going to keep looking. I just feel a little lost is all.
