I've been out for many many moons. (Oct 1, 1997 to be exact). I have had my share of good and bad relationships and have "been there done that". The problem is that now that my partner and I have been together and we are both very happy with each other and with our relationship. We've been together for 6 years, own a house together and honestly, from my side, we are very happy. I have no reason to assume he isn't happy as well. Issues that I've been really good about suppressing have begun to surface. In my family, my grandmother, mother, and likely my sister, all suffer from some sort of depression. My mom and I have spoken about it at length and basically her and I seem to be the least affected of the group. My grandmother was manic depressive and suffered most of her life with one form of mental illness or another. The details aren't terribly important, sufficed to say that all of us deal with this problem in our own ways. In my case, I get "mopey" for lack of a better description. It seems to be set off by some emotional event. Even a sappy movie will do it. Generally it lasts for a few days and then I see to get over it. The problem is, during that time, all I want to do is sleep. I am generally moody and inconsolable. I am sure I am not the only one. But the "fix" is generally to go on maintenance medication to help keep from diving into depression. I don't want to do this as I am ok or happy most of the time. Well, that and between this and having Sleep Apnea, I can be a real wreck. I guess I am just looking for some affirmation that I am not the only one. I am in the middle of one of my low points and I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I am hoping that being able to hash it out with someone besides my partner, family or friends will be a good way to add some perspective.
How open are you with your partner about this? My worry if I were in your shoes would probably be, how is this affecting him or our relationship? Is this something you can talk about when you're NOT at a low point? I'm sure we all have cycles of some kind or another where we are happier or sadder, or get hyper and then get the blues. Personally I constantly have people telling me I'm always so calm, when I know that I'm anything but, and am struggling to keep this placid facade going. I have made a point of telling my kids on those days that Daddy's stressed and really isn't going to be very easy to get along with, and I apologize in advance. One of the things that is pushing my marriage to its end is my wife's wild mood swings, and the fact that when she's in a bad mood, she doesn't even KNOW it, and there's only a brief flash as she leaves it where she realizes how awfully she has behaved. But then she gets to the high and forgets it ever happened. I think we all have challenges of some kind with moods. Talk to your partner when you're feeling better. He may see more of it than you know, and be able to recognize when you are on the way down, and help you from getting too far.
My partner knows and acknowledges it. And he is very understanding and loving. I typically tell him when it is going on, though I sense he likely knows without any prompting from me. He always offers to help any way he can, but I hate feeling weak about it. I think part of my ego get bruised and hurt by asking for help. Though by telling him, I am honestly not sure if I am asking for help or asking for a sympathetic but strong ear. Though generally, I tend to be the "stronger willed" one of the both of us, so I am not entirely sure what I want. (Which seems oxymoronic.) I, like you, also tend to be upfront about "being in a bad mood". And since normally I am pretty even keeled, on the occasions when it happens that I do explode, I am easily forgiven and the incident is forgotten. So that is good, but I do my best to hide when I start to feel like this. Just to make sure I keep myself out of situations that might cause issues. Mostly my interactions at work are more likely to cause issues than at home. In 6 years (over 5 of which we've lived together), we've had maybe 2 arguments. Both started by me over seemingly trivial things that will not change (like leaving dirty dishes in the sink...) I dunno....I am sure not having a clear head is making mountains out of molehills. Though, I am going to give the gym a try. It certainly couldn't hurt and it has been suggested that it might make me feel better. Here is to hoping.....
