So scared of losing a friend by telling him how I feel

Hi everyone, I'm new here and would welcome some advice. Here us a bit of background about me.

I'm 54, my partner of 17 years died 18 months since from cancer. We were always a very private couple, and didn't have any gay friends, in fact few friends at all. We just enjoyed each others company. Not a good situation when you're faced with caring for a terminally ill partner, or when facing life alone after he has died.

I decided, eventually, to try and start again, i've even taken a few holidays by myself just to prove I can do it, and have slowly built up a small network of friends, including some gay friends who I made through an online social network site. My best friend, who I've known fir many years is straight and married, and I don't see that much of him - he and his wife have, of course, their own lives to lead and family commitments. So it made sense to find gay friends, who would understand that side if me. With my straight friends, the gay side of me is never mentioned.

I have met one guy who would like to take things further than just friendship, but in fact I just don't fancy him - he's a pleasant guy and we get on, but there's not that spark.

Things are different with a second guy - he is a couple of years older than me, so kind and friendly, we've spent time together at each others homes, been out for day trips, he took me out for a meal on my birthday when he found out I was spending the day alone, and he bought me a really thoughtful gift. He's introduced me to his friends over dinner, emails me every day. We hug and kiss on meeting and parting, but have never taken things further. Truth is, I'd like to, but Im afraid of making a move in case I am rejected, and end up losing a lovely friendship. That is my dilemma.

I've told my friend that if anything else happened between us I'd be happy, but I ( maybe mistakenly) offered him the opt out clause saying that I also realise that anything else could spoil a friendship and I wouldn't want to do that. He responded by saying that he is looking forward to getting to know each other some more and he's enjoying our friendship.

I am frustrated that I don't know how he feels about me - maybe you guys could advise me if I am correct in seeing the above attention and kindness as him bring interested?

I am really scared of losing a really good friend - even with slowly building up my circle if friends ( not easy at my age) I still get so lonely, and I miss the affection and companionship of a relationship, as well as missing the sex of course.

Any advise would be welcome, sorry for this rambling post!

 

Thank you for your replies guys, I really appreciate your sensible advice. It's good to get an outsiders perspective on these things.

Luthan: when we kiss its a peck on the cheek or lips, our hugs are hugs of real friendship. You're so right, the subject has been brought up previously so he probably won't be surprised if it comes up again, plus he didn't do a runner the first time I brought it up, and we have indeed become very close - we communicate every day, usually by email, which is why I think he's keen, plus I hope he thinks the same of me.

I won't be doing anything with the first guy. Friendship only, which will be good. By the way, guy number 2 knows about him, but not the fact that he ( probably) would take things further.

Nick: taking it slowly is good advice, sometimes I can be impatient and ruin things by being clumsy..... I'm seeing my friend next weekend, if not before, and I now intend to do a bit of eye flirting and smiling!! More subtle than asking outright.

I also think he's being patient with me - he knows my history of course, and he realises I've had a bad time lately, so I think he wants to make sure I'm ready, and not jumping at the first guy who shows me kindness. Of course he's probably, wisely, protecting himself and making sure HE wants more. Having said that, he is very, very thoughtful and and kind with me but he says he is like that with everyone.

Thanks again guys, I wish you luck as well.