Hi, General question... I am no fan of gay bars as all I have attended are seedy meat markets, but sometimes you just need the company of like minded people. However when I go to a gay club with a friend I don't have the negative feeling going alone inspires. At the club I talk to multiple people beyond my friend and it doesn't seem to matter about diverse views as all are accepting of simply being with other gays. But going ALONE stops me cold. Any tips for getting past the negative vibes of acting ALONE? :eek:
Go with no expectations. If I go with the idea that I will meet Mr. wonderful, I am setting myself up for disappointment, If I don't, well, I get to see what a drag show is like, I get to dance (alone is really OK), I get to feel the night breeze up on the terrace and there's plenty of eye-candy to enjoy. In other words I forget myself and enjoy the sights and the sounds.
Man! You got nice gay clubs! Only two on the Northshore where most of the guys are named Sully and look the part (bar flies) and the bar itself an old McDonald's that could not sustain itself in that location. The patio weeds are taller than me! I envy you. Crap I gotta visit your area.
Agreed. A gay bar (like much else) is what you make of it. There's no rule that says you must try to get with anyone while there or accept offers if you get any. Nor can anyone force you to do anything you don't want to do. Just go with the plan of doing what you like and anything else is an option it is totally your choice to exercise (or not). Todd
Hi, I understand and accept the "choice" part. Maybe going alone stinks of desperation to me (my feelings) and I am just not viewing myself as that desperate. Maybe if it was a healthier gay bar would help but it is what it is and both are dives. I have no negative vibes attending a gay church and I only attend that for the coffee hour afterwards and socializing.
Hey Skiff, I've gone to gay bars alone--it might be different with women, though. When I went, I dressed in a way that made me feel like I looked good, which gave me confidence. I went in with no expectation, and I walked in like I did this sort of thing all the time. Seemed to work. I had a couple of drink, made small talk, and left feeling like part of a community. Hopes this helps. -Zoe
You said it in your first post: the company of like minded people. Go there for that and nothing else, if you don't want anything else, and if you process it that way, it shouldn't have that seedy feeling for you. Don't discount the fact that you might get into a great conversation and make a friend, but under the right circumstances.
Zoe, thanks for responding. I really want to go to a place here. I have childcare but no one to go with. I've been wondering what it would be like to go alone. ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2013 at 07:05 AM ---------- (From a woman's perspective, I mean).
Well, I live in NYC. While I'm sure there are seedy gay joints around, I've yet to be to one (and I've been to a few). Again, walk in with no expectations. I went alone to a gay piano bar, and had the time of my life (sadly haven't been back since I've been injured) I walked in to a gay bar I'd never been to on Friday night, and I had guys hitting on me literally the second I walked in the door (but in a friendly way), but it was way too crowded for my tastes. If I would have been comfortable there, I'm certain that I could have made friends with some of those guys, and I may very well be back.
Hi there! I have gone by myself to a gay bar/club before and it wasn't all that bad. I sat on one of the couches near the pool tables and watched other splaying pool and listened to the cheesy 80s dance music. At some point, I started chatting with someone before heading out again. As it was mentioned above, it's about what you make of it. I'd say go for it, and see how you feel. If you don't like it, or feel it is seedy, you can always leave. You might have spent the cover charge, and feel it was a waste of money. At the same time it could turn out to be a pleasant evening for you.
Skiff, if I recall, you mentioned that the few bars around Salem, MA were kind of sleazy. However, I'm sure Boston has more choices. Then, I sort of recall not wanting to drive afterward and that public transit at late hours didn't offer you good choices for getting home. It seems that all large urban centers have at least 1 or 2 tame bars where hookups are not the main M.O. However, if they can happen at the supermarket (I've heard they can), they can happen anywhere.
