Missed Opportunity

I missed an opportunity to lose my virginity. I'm in my 30s and I just came out the closet. Before I came out I was friends with a guy from work. He just assumed I was straight, (I have really low self-esteem I've never had too many friends I'm awkward around people). He'd come to my apartment and we'd hang out. He was girl-crazy all he talked about was girls and he took me to Hooters one time! The wonderful thing is that I NEVER talked about girls and he was cool with that. He's real easy-going and non-judgemental I like that I felt safe with him. He's also a drunkard. He got drunk one night at my apartment and we got into a deep conversation about self-esteem I was telling him my problems. He put his arm around me forcing me to say positive stuff about myself. I did and it felt good to have a male's arm around me but I never let on I'm not used to it even though it felt good. I tried to pull away but he tightened his grip that's when I knew he wanted something. I pushed away. There were also subtle cues that he wanted have sex things he probably don't even remember he was so drunk. He fell asleep. When he woke up the next morning I guess he was embarrassed he wanted to leave so he left. I won't talk to me on the phone or answer my emails. When I talk to him on the phone he makes an excuse to hang up. It's okay I'm not mad I don't care. I'm just irked I missed an opportunity but it's okay it shows I have ESTEEM!!!!!

I really do have esteem and I'm proud of myself. The irony a gay guy fighting off a straight dude what a paradox! I don't think he's gay I think he was just horny he talked about sex 24/7 he was probably one of those Men Who Have Sex With Men the nasty guys who aren't really attracted to men they just want to have sex with them and prefer to have sex with women but aren't particular.

It doesn't matter. Maybe better luck next time

 

thnx Lex