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Came Out To My Mother Yesterday Bad Scene

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by whyme10, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. whyme10

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    I was speaking with my mon yesterday and the subject of my possibility of divorcing came up. I explained to her that in the near future it was a real possiblity. So she proceeded with the normal 20 questions. Do you have another woman? What are you going to do? I don't know for sure. Do you like men? I couldn't lie so I said yes. At first she seemed ok with it. But today she is off the hook. I am ruining my life destroying my marrige. Why at this point in life?
    I am just so upset today I can't think. I am a grown man not a child I have lived my whole life not wanting to be gay. I just accepted myself a couple of years ago after over 40 years
    Of denial. I am gay I am happy about it but it is extremely painful to have her thinking I am throwing my life away. Anyway your support will be welcomed I am trying so very hard to be myself in my latter years.:icon_sad:
     
  2. jimL

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    Hey whyme10. I'm sorry your mom didn't take it well. All I can say is give it some time. Hopefully she will come around and realize that this not throwing your life away but the road to happiness. Remember you have been struggling with your sexuality for 40+ years, and now she needs some time to process this new information. Sometimes it's particularly difficult for the older generation to understand homosexuality let alone have a son that is coming out later in life. Be patient with her.
     
  3. greatwhale

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    She is your mother, that relationship can never change, but this is where you've got to remember that you are an adult and that your mother's approval is way beyond necessary.

    I told my mother without equivocation or doubt, I initiated the conversation and I made it clear that this is the way it's going to be. She is not comfortable with it, she doesn't like talking about it, but it's there and it will be even more real when I am in a relationship.

    There's a scene in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner where the character played by Sidney Poitier confronts his father, reminding him that, despite the sacrifices that his father made for him, he no longer owes his father the duty to obey; his father did his duty for his son as he would do for his own children.

    Give her time, but realize that she may never come around, you need to decide whether or not that is important enough to change the direction you are finally taking.
     
  4. Nick07

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    congrats. :slight_smile:

    And welcome to my world...
     
  5. bingostring

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    Whyme10 ... You are doing well. It's a lot to deal with but it shows a commitment to live authentically which is commendable. It is not going to be easy or comfortable but it will be worthwhile. Good for you!!!!
     
  6. DrWhoFan

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    Well, the good news is that you've done it, and that she is still talking to you (even if angry).
     
  7. Chip

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    She's going through the 5 stages of loss: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. The anger is normal, and it's a sign she's processing things. Give it time... she'll come around.
     
  8. biggayguy

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    When I came out to my mom at age 36 I was also afraid she would never talk to me again. She did assure me that she would always love me. She just believed that being bi' wasn't God's will for my life. I believe God created me Bi'. I hope you can come to agree to disagree with your mom.
     
  9. PeteNJ

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    Your Mom is probably also thinking about her loss of the family/your STBX (may not be rational, but its a probably a fear).

    And thinking that you'll be alone and unhappy.

    Is he going to get AIDs?

    And -- what if the neighbors find out he's gay? :lol:

    IMO the best thing is living as well as you can. Make sure she still sees your STBX if that's important to her. Let her know you're happily dating men (not sitting on the sofa eating bowls of popcorn), and if you're hooking up with men, don't share too much.
     
  10. ormanout

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    Very few parents of mid-life or older children have the mental script that "gay is okay" especially if you are the first in their immediate family to come out. Sometimes it is necessary for us to temporarily unhook from the approvals that we've been conditioned to receiving from those closest to us, so that we can navigate our own boat. This is probably what you will need to do with your mom for a little while. Her dialogue to you is mostly about the misinformation that's in her head and that's really not her fault....more just a factor of the times in which she was raised. You will be okay without her approval. She will likely be more okay with you being a same-gender loving son, once you're down the road a ways and you show her your genuine happiness and comfort with yourself. Few mothers can resist feeling good about the genuine joy in the lives of their children. Seek joy!
     
  11. whyme10

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    I sincerely thank each and every one of you for your support. To make it even better I have two cousins that are like a brother and sister to me. I told them today and was scared to death. They said so what you are still my cousin and I love you be happy that's all I ask of you. And that was it. I am now so very happy everyone that I care about knows about me and that is all I care about. Kid of shitty that I am this old and just doing this but I am a super happy guy tonight. This for all of you and your support.:kiss:
     
  12. KyleD

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    Awww! Congrats. :eusa_clap I hope I can come out one day too. :slight_smile:

     
  13. Californiacoast

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    Huge step, Whyme, great job! There should be a Stadium full of people applauding the courage it took to do what you did. Seriously, like running the football into the endzone at Candlestick Park and thousands cheering! Mom will come around. And if not the way you want, she will always love ya. That's how moms work. Mine wanted me to go see the pastor, she cried, she laughed, she was shocked, she got mad, but guess what? I'll always be her little boy. So will you.
     
  14. Unknown5

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    you're being yourself which is the best thing you can do
     
  15. whyme10

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    Once again many thanks to all do you. Now everyone that I care about in my life knows about me and that is all I care about. You are truly a support group and online family.
    whyme10. :lol: