transgender?

Hi,
I think that when kids are involved, the hardest part is to decide what you want and if/how your decision will affect them. If you don't want your daughter to know, you are a bit at mercy of your wife. If you don't want to divorce and think that transition would be too hard for your daughter to accept, then many things (and your happiness) will depend on your wife.
Do you know what you want from her? To call you by a different name when you are alone? To use different pronouns? You should probably think about it before you talk to her, because she is probably confused and have no idea how to help you - or if she actually wants to help you. Maybe she hopes that the "problem" will go away and everything will be the same it has been.

 

Hi Effie,

I suggest counseling where you can really get into what it is that you feel makes you transgendered. I am dealing with this and I have undergone a long evolution from admitting to myself that I desire men and am gay to realizing that I have deeply wished I was female since I was in grade school. Now I understand that my desire for men is from the role of woman, I want to be a woman and love men from that perspective. I would have glossed right over that in my deep denial but the therapist kept asking subtle but digging questions about what it was that I really wanted and I finally got it. The worst part is that I am only out to a handful of people and have serious doubts about every becoming the woman that I truly wish I could be. I'm very masculine and almost 50 years of testosterone have made it very dicey to ever be that "dream girl."

So you're not alone, there are plenty of us out here to share with. And there are support groups all over the place as well as a ton of material to view on the web. Take it easy on yourself and understand that there is no real rush to do anything, this is all about you at this point.