You have got to be kidding!?

I don't think that it's a gay community thing. I think it's a douche bag thing. Good lord.

 

I've heard several times that people do that. That doesn't mean that you have to like it or do that too.

 

I'm meeting a guy for a second date tonight (dinner at his place). All we talked about is that I'll be bringing a guacamole...where's all the action???

 

Hard to say if it's common or not in the gay community as a whole, but from my understanding, it seems fairly common with the quick hookup crowd (the ones used to picking up one nights at bars or through mobile app that I can't name but like the one that starts with a G). Sort of gives the wrongful expectation that any hookup has to involve a dick pic, and that the hookup will end with sex.

It'd blame that more on the sexual immaturity of certain age groups than a "commonality" in the gay community, and that some people never grow out of that immaturity stage either.

 

It's a bit of social psychology too.

Every time a guy goes out with a guy and it's great and they hit it off and there's no red flags popping up, they don't feel the need to tell/inquire/warn everyone else about them, because they're too busy enjoying it.

But when a guy does something douchebaggy like that, of course you need to tell someone about it.

So when everyone's talking about the latter but less about the former, there's a skewed perception on what "the gay community" ends up being like.

 

After reading successes, failures, anecdotes, and complaints on a site explicitly for bisexuals for several years, the following line raised a red flag for me:

"yeah cant wait its been a while for me"

I said to myself, "huh...been a while since what? Oh! Of course...this is a quick fix for him."

From what I hear, this behavior/attitude is far from universal in the bisexual community...but it's not uncommon either (enough that I've read several threads there complaining about this very thing). Especially if you're looking for a relationship, rather than just a one-night hookup, I'd make it clear that's what you want, and possibly include a statement about wanting to get to know the person before meeting their genitals. It's probably a little tougher with a blind date...but you can always back out.

 

I fear its more common than I like to admit.

My return to the dating arena has taken me on an interesting journey. Last time I was single there was AOL and not many hook-up/dating sites. This time there are relationship sites, hook up sites, aps for meeting people... And I fear even on places like ******* which is supposed to be all about relationships, a lot of guys are looking for 'just sex'.

I doubt its a gay thing - I think it a male thing - a guy thing... Men enjoy sex, even straight men. What keeps straight men in line is that women are forced to be 'good girls' thus they always throw cold water on situations that may end up as sexual connection.

If that didn't exist, no doubt the straight world would be as sex minded as the gay world.

I fear you are going to have to crack a few eggs, set some guidelines.

I strongly suggest a 30 day no sex policy - make it clear in your profile that there will not be any sex for the first 30 days, you are looking for romance, dating and possible relationships not sex.

That should weed out a majority of the guys who are looking for 'just sex'. during the course of the 30 days you should date and talk and get to know the guy. If he is looking for 'just sex' its bound to show in some way or another.

Now there are con-men who are real good at spinning a yarn and even I have fallen for a few of those. So that 30 day policy may not catch them and there may be a few that end up hurting you.

Just prepare for it - hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

 

the 'junk' before you have even met suggests a certain .. er .. lack of judgement.

 

Sounds like something a (Enter Bad Word Here) would do. It's just a coincidence. Don't worry about it.

 

Jae, you've called it right.
"Been a while & can't wait"
"I'm new to all this and excited to meet new people"
" JUNK".
The guy's not even hearing what you're saying. Two different levels here. Some blokes just see dating as a butcher's shop. My reaction would've been the same as yours. Eyeew. He's weeded himself out. Being a big and diverse community, there are people like this out there, you just have to pass them by. No, you're expectations aren't too high, and no it's not prudish at all. Anyhow I really liked the way you put it on your first post, made me smile.

 

He is just giving you a preview! LOL!! Maybe your friend told him you wanted sex, rather than a old-fashion date? I would ask the friend who set this up, what he was told. I have ran into tons of men who refer to how big it is to try and entice me into a BJ. My mechanic a few years back videoed his being whacked off and just handed me his phone one day to my surprise! Stupid me did not know what I was looking at for a good min then as he finished on the video I realized then in embarrassment and he is not gay. So that is as close as I have come to that so straights do it too. as when I was online looking for a date I ignored anyone who asked for a pic like that, or sent one, or who wanted a video call like Skype as they tended to be perverts. Good Luck! June

 

Jae, saw what you wrote on your other thread about wanting to take a walk with a guy first. Works, literally & metaphorically. When you do that, what comes after is so much better.

 

Unfortunately it is extremely common, it's definitely a manners and respect thing, but not entirely a 'gay' thing.

It annoys me terribly to go to a dating website and all you see if photo after photo of male genitalia, both on gay and str8 sites.

I mean seriously, a dick is a dick, seen one you have seen them all...how much variation is there in the appearance of a dick that every man and his dog needs to take a photo of his junk just to get a date?

I mean seriously, a date? you sit down have a meal and a good chat and get well acquainted with a penis?

 

Like, the web site as a glory hole. Thank you, but as much as I would like you love my penis... I am more than a penis. And would be mortified to be reduced to nothing more that that.

 

I can address your prude question.....

I am definitely not a prude BUT if someone thought it was a good idea to show me a picture of their penis it would be a deal breaker for me.

 

That's disgusting, what a pig.

 

Awww, Jae what a bummer dude. Well, certainly I have noticed changes over time in the whole dick pic becoming the new gay handshake. With the advent of Bear411, ######, ####### etc. Gay communication seems to be evolving into a series of picture trading. I am like you, I would like to get to know someone before I see their junk. Half the fun of discovering someone is not knowing, right? Call me old fashion, whatever. Hey, we all have our horny moments, and I am sure these aps serve those purposes. But for a guy show you a pic of his junk just prior to a date seems desperate and needy. Run Forrest, Run. There are lots of gay guys that don't do that shit!

 

I think you should have posted the picture so we could give a fuller response :icon_wink

seriously, though, that would've definitely put me off too. but I don't think it's a purely gay thing - more a male thing. shame there's little room for romance on most of these dating sites.