So in about 2 weeks, I'm going to start a new psychotherapy group. Sadly my old one fell apart after 4-5 weeks of me joining (the group had been going on for a year). The thing is, I'm nervous, and I don't know why. When I did my intake session, the therapist and I seemed to fit well together, and everything seemed to click. Then he called me today, told me what he's going to have the group do next week (which I won't be at) which sort of raised a red flag to me as someone new to the group (if I had been in the group for a long time, this exercise would be perfectly fine). He said that part of the session where I join may be a debrief of that exercise. The other thing he said is that he does not tell existing group members of the impending arrival of a new member, so my presence will come as a complete shock to therm. This is in order to save them a week of anxiety about "the new guy". I guess that sort of makes sense, but it raises MY anxiety level at the same time Has anyone else had similar experiences?
It's always a challenge when running a group how to negotiate transparency and communications, how to address the issues of confidentiality (or not) within the group, and so forth. It sounds like the therapist has a pretty good handle on how to run groups, and how to keep clear boundaries with the group and its dynamics, and that's a huge plus. I'm assuming this isn't a time-limited group (i.e., 10 or 12 sessions, at which each group member is expected to attend, and which ends after the 10 or 12 sessions), but an ongoing one. Is it a drop-in group (meaning, people are free to attend or not attend as they wish), or are you expected to participate for a fixed number of sessions? The dynamics are very different if members are going in and out, vs. constant membership/attendance each week. Both can work well but they just work very differently. If it isn't too personal, is it a general interpersonal skills group, or is it focused on a specific issue?
It's a general interpersonal skills group (but it is a gay men's group if that's what you mean - so it is specific to one population), he said that what typically happens is that one member will bring up something that's going on in their life, and the rest of the group will help them work through that for the 90 minutes. It's not time-limited, it's an ongoing group (that has been ongoing for 6 years, obviously with some changes in membership, but some that have been there since the inception), and there is a minimum 6 month commitment. You pay whether you can attend or not, so there's enormous incentive to be there (which was different at my previous group - and perhaps why it was unsuccessful) Certainly not a drop-in group, it requires an intake session with the therapist, so he can get to know you and see if the group would be appropriate for where you're at. It was full at the time that I did my intake session, so I had to wait about a month (he told me in advance of doing the intake session that it was full, but that I'd be the first person in).
This sounds like a great group. The nice thing is, the group has already developed a rapport and will be already comfortable working on their issues, and they will also be used to having new members coming into the group... and the 6 month commitment is excellent, because it means you can get real work done. One of the big problems with drop-in groups is it's very hard to develop cohesion and trust when people are constantly in and out, which is why the time-limited or committed groups are usually better for developing interpersonal skills. I think it's normal to have anxiety in starting new in an already-established group, but that's part of the reason you're there, right? I really couldn't think of a safer environment to explore those feelings
I have not been in a psychotherapy group during my coming out process, but a number of support groups, so that's where I'm coming from in my comments. These groups are pretty fluid - some guys there for years, some for weeks. I really like that, since there's a wide range of experiences and issues. At the same time, an "old timer" may face the issue: "coming out at work" as is a guy who is attending the first time. One of my groups has had the same leader, for many years. Another group trades off who is leading/moderating. Both have their value. The former more structured, which can keep things more focused. The latter brings different styles/direction - so things are not stale. RBman, for me its about bandwidth -- just how much can I do? I would think the same for you. If this new group supports you in your life -- then I suggest giving it a try, to me you have an open attitude after all! If it doesn't support you in the rest of your life, then move on. What I'm also trying to say, is, leave enough room in your life to do the stuff of life... beyond groups/therapy/etc. Let us know how it goes.
Yeah, I get the bandwidth concerns. I'm in therapy 2 nights a week now (one individual, one group), and I don't think that's too onerous to do. I also have my new responsibilities here to take into account as well, but even then it should be fine.
Oh, don't worry about us! If you can't moderate some night, we can have that wild party, er, I mean have a quiet discussion! :lol: Seriously, I don't think 2 nights is unreasonable, particularly if it helps you make real progress in your life. It could be worse. I'm back to considering cheap therapy. No idea if one option I've come across will work, but if it does, it will kill much of a day. :icon_sad: ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2013 at 08:47 PM ---------- Oh, yes--good luck with the new group!
I think once you get rolling with the new group you will be just fine. I admire you having the courage to do that. I joined a writers group here in the bay area and was nervous before hand but just went. Ended up loving it. Same with a LGBT affirming church. I think it is the psychology of not knowing if you will be accepted or fit in. That produces a bit of fear. Funny how when you get there you realize everyone else deals or dealt with that too! You will be fine. Have fun!
