The Origin of Expectation - A Reflection

Squallly,
I find it fascinating that you listed your three considerations out in the order in which you did. After reading your post, I went to the 'quick reply' section and started jotting down notes off the top of my head. The way my memory regurgitated them was in this order: Beliefs, Influences and Values. Then I filled in the three greatest forces that combined to lead me to where I am today. Then I went back to review your initial post so I could address them in the same order in which you did, and when I reordered them I discovered that the one that had the single greatest influence on my life and my behavior rose to the top of the list. Here they are, my values, beliefs and influence.
Values: Duty to family
Beliefs: Roman Catholic Dogma
Influence: Parental Hypocrisy

The values - duty to family, and their expectations led me to a 21 year straight marriage, that I entered despite my long-standing proclamation that I would NEVER marry and stayed in out of duty - first to my parents, then to my new husband, and eventually my children.

The beliefs - I was raised with an in-depth understanding and practice of the rules and stricture within the RC Church, but not a whole lot of respect or feeling of obligation toward it - thankfully. The reason for which follows in...

The influence - My father was strictly devout. But my mother paid lip service to the lessons, pandered to my father's wishes and meanwhile taught me that yes, while the church may teach one thing, in quite a few cases she believed otherwise, and explained to me how she reconciled the disparity to herself. As a child hearing these lessons, I learned to pick and choose what I most thoroughly believed in.

My greatest values - commitment and responsibility to my family has never waned, but with the passing of my father and the understanding of my mother's own self-indulgent hypocrisy, the entirety of my sense of duty is now focused upon my children (whose expectations are much less life-altering), and I am currently trying to weigh and determine how I will go about releasing the rest of my influences, become true to my inner self and yet throughout the process do everything I can to do right by my kids.

And your question regarding what constitutes right and wrong? Well, there are the big issues, like murder, child abuse, crimes against humanity, etc. that are just obvious, but then there are the personal issues (won't list too many for fear of sparking a political debate) but in consideration of the venue in which we are hosting this discussion, I will include homosexuality. I see this as a personal issue, and as long as it doesn't involve anyone against their will or without their enthusiastic consent, the rightness or wrongness of it are at the subjective opinions of the parties involved and are no one else's business.