First of Many Questions

Hello Kristoff! Google is helpful, but some things are too complex for google to handle

Well, I never saw Big Gay Musical, never even heard of it (shame on me lol), but I can take a guess on this whole bottom thing. The way most would look at bottoms is the more submissive in the relationship...at least I think. I would assume that's the case, since the movie assumes that the go go dancer is a bottom. The go go dancer's job is to entertain the crowd, and many would think that's more submissive since they basically do what they need to do in order to entertain everyone else. But I dunno, a bottom could be anyone really, even if they look like they would be the top.

I don't think it's bad at all to bottom for a 'bottom,' it's you're choice if you want to. In the moment, someone might want to bottom even if they are usually the top, as a way of experiencing it or giving themselves to their significant other...but some people think that there has to be a definite role for each person in the relationship. Don't think too much of it, anyone could be a top or a bottom, there isn't really an 'identifier' or anything like that, it's just what someone might prefer at a given time!

I don't being a bottom is a bad thing at all! I'm a bottom, and I own it! Who cares! Seriously, people just think that the tops are more masculine, and generally, all guys want to show their own masculinity in some way. So, in movies, the bottom tries to show others that they're masculine by trying to be a top. But it doesn't matter, you can be masculine and be a bottom. I don't think there should be a big deal at all

O hope that helped, but I'm kinda tired so I dunno if I made sense at all haha (*hug*)

 

First off, Welcome to EC!

I haven't seen that movie so I don't know the context of the scene, but going off of what I've heard of it; that scene was probably more for comic relief rather than actually portraying that situation as a serious situation. The origins of that idea, and leading on to your second question, is the idea that receiving during penetration is a sign on inferiority.

This idea stems from the comparisons of homosexual relationships to that of a man and a woman. The man who bottoms is being 'womanly'; the man who tops is being 'manly'. Bottoming is stigmatized as a sign of femininity and submission, which in society are seen as things to be looked down upon. In short, its just another way some people choose to see others as beneath them.

 

There's a really funny scene in an episode of the L word where two women are going off to hook up on a cruise. They get back to the room and they say to each other "oh, were going to top me?!?" They end up just going to sleep and agreeing to pretend to have slept together to preserve both of their womanizing reputations. It is comic relief in that episode. But it does make me wonder about people being that rigid and how you're supposed to know that before you get to the bedroom.

 

There are a lot of gay stereotypes out there -- that tops are dominant that bottoms are passive -- and those men to exist. let me be frank -- among the gay men I know IRL, those that are tops -- at least those I've talked about with this -- enjoy bottoming for a guy they're close with. And bottoms, well, less common I think, but are happy to top their partner.

Anal sex, in addition to being very pleasurable, is such an act of intimacy, for both partners. Think about it like that and the stereotypes are, well, stereotypes.

Sex is about having fun, sharing pleasure, intimacy. Add the emotional connection and it can really, truly be amazing.

Its ok to have your training wheels on. Take it at your pace and enjoy yourself.

 

Really?! Even women?! Crap. HopeFloats, you just totally burst my bubble.

 

Lord. After waiting 50+ years to do it with a guy, I don't think I will care if I'm a top, a bottom, a middle or whatever. Just let me at him!

 

:roflmao: Middle, huh? :wow: Time for you to pick a new user name there Mister, cause you sure ain't no Choirboy! :roflmao:

 

Hah--I will admit to a certain amount of dry humor in selecting that name! It's literally true, since I do sing in the church choir, and it certainly represents my current lifestyle and the image I project. But when reality finally catches up with my imagination--watch out!

 

One could write books - and I'm sure some people have - about the entire top/bottom thing. The act itself, the beliefs about it, the stereotypes that have sprung up around it, the self-identification with one act or the other. You probably know or have learned much of this, but I'll see if I can hit the highlights.

Many times throughout history, the actual act of bottoming has been considered the aberrant act, rather than the entire "two guys doing it". A male who tops was just considered "getting his rocks off", and thus wasn't considered "gay". And although this mindset has lessened significantly in recent days, there still is this dichotomy floating around. It's also been my experienced that self-proclaimed "tops" TEND to be more masculine, and self-proclaimed "bottoms" TEND to be more feminine. TEND, of course, being a very heavy word here. It's a vague pattern rather than anything approaching an absolute, and of course it doesn't take into consideration that huge group of gay men who enjoy both activities. But this is why the go-go dancer was assumed to be a bottom - it's considered a more effeminate or "gay" job, which would correspond to the stereotype that he likes to bottom. You'll see it in gay porn, too - when you see two guys making out at the beginning of a scene, see if you can guess which one will end up topping. Quite often, the bigger, hairer or "manlier" guy ends up being the top. (Whether this is playing into the stereotype or simply conforming to it naturally is an open question - probably some of both.)

It's been my experience that gay men aren't split into "tops" and "bottoms" - it's more of a continuum. (And of course, it skips gay men who aren't interested in having anal sex at all, which is a fairly significant group.) Whereas there ARE "total tops" and "total bottoms", most of guys seems to fall somewhere in the middle. They have preferences, and they might enjoy one act more than the other. But given a certain guy on a certain day, and being in a certain mood, sure, they'll try the other.

As far as "proving" you're a top, it's simply a bit of playing into the stereotype. Wanting to be perceived as manly, not weak, not effeminate, pick-your-favorite. Ideally, of course, we shouldn't give a rat's ass. If you love bottoming and want to do that exclusively, go on with your bad self. Without bottoms, tops would be wandering around with their dicks in their hands looking for something to plug into.

I should say I'm seeing less and less hate/shade being thrown towards bottoms as the years go on. For all the negative stereotyping, back in my dating days (over a decade ago), it seemed bottoms STILL outnumbered tops by at least 3 to 1.

Lex

 

A little off topic but worth mentioning- a straight female friend once said to me - I envy you and your relationship. When I questioned this, her response was there is no pretermined roles( Ie: you are the wife so you must do the washing and cooking) - I laughed but its true! Figure out what works for you and your relationship.
Trying topping, bottoming, sideways- anyway and everyday! You might find things that you like! Screw the label.
As for Big Gay Musical - I saw it, a awhile ago. And it begs the question why are movies so bad!

 

That's why the Hanky Code existed for guys back in the day. I think it is much less popular currently that it used to be. I don't have a clue as to how women signaled their desires. Flannel and jeans as opposed to short skirts and heels, maybe? Don't know...