One thing that I don't think I mentioned in previous postings is that I am active duty military, have been for over 21 years, and I'm planning to retire at the end of the year. I plan to find a job in an industry which can utilize the training and experience that I've earned, but that can be literally ANYWHERE. So, my question is... If you could "start over", anywhere in the country that you wanted, how important would the "gayness" of the area be? For example, I'm looking at a position in a highly Mormon-centric area, and I'm a little concerned. I know that there will be fewer opportunities to meet other LGBT individuals; butmmore than that, I'm concerned about how I might be treated in the community. Any thoughts?
Drs: First, thank you for your service! Secondly, I think it would vary widely for everyone. It depends on how introverted or extroverted you are, what you hope to gain from life at this point, what other gay-friendly cities may be within "driveable" distance, etc. Personally, if I could start over and had the freedom to do so anywhere, I'd definitely choose a more liberal environment. But then again, I'm itching to explore and crave adventure now that I've come out. You may have personal investment in this particular job opening, so I don't want to veer you away from that if it's important to you. Especially if you don't mind driving or flying to gay-friendly places whenever you have some vacation time. But I'm also concerned for your well-being among such a judgment sect of people...
Honestly, if I move anywhere, I want it to be a big city with access to a gay community. I'm tired of there not being very many gay people in my area. It's hard to find support, let alone a real date. It sucks, and not in a good way either!
I can not speak for any Morman. I am(was raised) Catholic. My closest friend of 15 years dropped me like a hot stone when I came out. First it was "I don't accept that." Progressing to.."you are disgusting. I am ending this friendship". Another friend no longer let's my kids walk home from school with her kids.(Fyi they are thrilled as it was just a hassle watching little kids) I always said the Catholics I knew weren't like that--No one I knew thought like that. I was decidedly mistaken. Beware of the religious right middle etc, you may be surprised- unpleasantly so- as I was.
I lived in a very non-gay area. I hated it. Thank goodness that we had the internet back then. Not sure what you are looking to do or where you are looking to live but make sure you are ready for a different lifestyle. I am not happy being in the closet to people around me so we had to move. My girlfriend/wife doesn't care either way. I am just more comfortable out then not. Hope you can find a good job and be out at the same time in an area you feel comfortable.
Personally, the place that would be the best for me occupationally is also around the areas believed to be the most LGBTQ-centric areas to live, so I received a lucky draw in that regard. Though in general, I would say to choose an environment that is genuinely pleasing to you. Most careers can be equally successful regardless of the specific city, and the ones who mainly thrive in certain areas usually at least offer a few options. You don't have to be in a notorious LGBTQ environment to be comfortable as an open LGBTQ individual (Though for many it can at least lift some of the pressure).
I'm not out yet - taking this process one step at a time, which means splitting with my husband first - but I have lived all over the country and I can tell you that I've never been happy in any place where I felt like I couldn't find a kindred soul or worse yet felt pressured to conform. I've never been happier with a place than where I live now and I'm certain that when I do come out, this area will be one of the best in the US to do it in!
I would think any major US city would have a decent gay community. You just have to know where to look. There's San Francisco of course, Chicago has boy's town, New York city, and would you believe Tulsa, OK. Tulsa with all its fundie preachers has a strong gay community. I know because I considered moving there once to be around my relatives.
It's a mecca of sorts. As for those who have moved there, and I know a few, it's love it or hate it. Those who hate it go back to where they're from. It's an oasis of more progressive thinking, being the state capital and the site of the ginormous university, but it can be redneck like as one gets further away from the metropolitan area.
Reading posts on EC and other sites, I can sure say that I'm thrilled to be living in a metro area (close to New York City & not far from Philadelphia) that is predominantly gay friendly and with many LGBT resources, activities, and like minded folk (and LOTS to do, period!). I'd vote for an area that has a political, religious, and LGBT sensibility that is close to who you are!
Well, I'm quite familiar with Mormon-centric locales, meaning Utah, and here's the deal, there are really two Utahs. And, I am assuming you're referring to Utah. It's a supremely beautiful state. Salt Lake county is pretty diverse, gay-friendly and a wonderful place to be. The winter inversion sucks though. Anywhere outside of Salt Lake, however, can be claustrophobic and suffocating for gays. The Mormon influence is inescapable. That's not always a bad thing because, in general, they are very nice. But, that does not mean Gay-friendly. Again, in general, they are tolerant if you keep "your BS" out of their view, but there is no doubt that they do not believe that gays deserve equal rights. At best it's a DADT situation. If I had the choice of somewhere like Utah, without the Mormon BS, I'd choose Colorado.
BiGuy, funny you should mention that! A friend of mine moved there for work last year, and later told me that I should move there because of the thriving gay community. I thought he was being facetious at first, but then I visited him and experienced it myself!!! Color me impressed....
Runner, I love Southern Utah - Bryce Canyon, Zion, etc. I've never really spent any time in SLC other than driving through. The place I'm referring to is a bit further north, in Idaho. So, no real major cities around (maybe a weekend trip, but not just an evening)... Thanks for the info on Austin; I had been looking at Dallas, I guess I'll expand my search there. Not really that interested in the Midwest though... Oklahoma doesn't sound appeal to me at all, lol.
I guess my perspective is a bit (a lot?) different. I too am planning to retire in a few years and, if all goes as planned, will be moving to somewhere in latin America. I have already spent most of my life in denial or in the closet so I am willing and able to go back to doing so, for a time, at least, or as circumstances dictate, if necessary. Also, I do not currently have any friends and am quite willing and able to function this way indefinitely. I see as part of the purpose for my life going forward to work to change the attitudes of whatever community I live in. So, while it would be a pleasant surprise if the community I find myself in happens to be very "accepting", I will not be choosing my new home based on this criterion.
You could sum my life up as "escaping Mississippi", which might not be too unlike Utah, only Southern Baptist hate, not Mormon hate. As far as cities go, I love the Bay area, hard to beat. Denver has a great gay community as well. Tacoma and Seattle are vibrant gay communities. If you want the official word, go on the Human Rights Campaign website. They rank the top 100 gay friendly cities.
