I'm still a little head-spinny as to what is gin on with me. I've loved my whole entire life telling myself and others I'm 100% straight but I've come to realise lately that that's probably not the case given that I've become rather enamoured of another woman of late. I've been 'semi - joking' for the past 8 years or so that I'm bicurious/possibly bisexual having found several women hot. I'm still very much attracted to men on an emotional and sexual level. Probably roe so than women which is why I've labelled myself as 'bi straight preference'. I think this will probably stick so I don't mind that label as such. I can't say I'm 'bicurious' that doesn't feel true. It feels much more innate than that being as, looking back, I've had crushes on females since I was about 8 so nearly 30 years. I don't therefore think it;s a phase somehow! Been checking women out more than men, calling them hot yet still, not I'm straight coz I like guys a lot. Was brought up in strict catholic household so anything other than heterosexual was considered sinful which was rich coming from my family seeing as their sexuality is BEYOND screwed up and I was abused by a handful of them. So yeah I'm a sexual abuse survivor. I don't think my sexual orientation has anything to do with it. no doubt shrinks might say it is. on the whole I personally think there are more attractive women out there than men. I very rarely see a guy I fancy but when I do I get more drooly/turned on than I do over a woman. Also I feel more emotionally attracted to men tan women and feel that it's far, far more likely I'd fall in love with a man than a woman. Actually never been in love with a woman, just had crushes. But like I say they've been going on for 30 years. People have always assumed I'm either lesbian or bi but I just laughed it off. I've always had closer relationships with gays/lesbians and bis than straight people...friendship wise I mean. I can relate to the LGBT community more, always have done and again never thought much of it until now. Often had women come on to me as much as men and never thought anything of it until now. I'd always turned them down in the past saying thanks but I'm straight. Yet looking back I think I must have been giving off vibes. Gaydar right? It does exist right? That's what one of my gay friends says anyhow. So I'm not 100% what I am I just know I'm me but I don't want to be called confused or curious. I'm also not looking for a relationship right now as I'm pretty sic and need to sort my life & health out first. Got very ill with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 4 years ago and still struggling. I also developed an eating disorder and tied starving myself to death. I don't know what had hit me or why I was so ill until I remembered the sexual abuse. Now things are falling in to place and I'm trying to pull my life back together. My world just fell down around me but I'm trying to build a new one then..wham bam... think I'm bi. :help: I hope this makes sense. Still can't believe I'm saying all this. :eek:
