Hello all. I posted in the 'Coming Out' page first but found this section afterwards which I think might be more appropriate. I first want to say thank you. To all of you that have posted your feelings and stories here. Because of your words, I've managed to get the courage to finally be honest with myself and my wife that I am a bisexual man. (90% gay) I've known I was into guys sexually since I was 18 and found my gay roommates porno mag sitting on a table in his room. I'd never been that turned on in my life. I had never seen anything like ever and it's all I'd fantasize about. A few years later I decided to experiment for real and starting going to a gay bar all the time to try and meet someone. I had some very close friends that new exactly what I was doing and were very supportive. I finally did meet a guy and we went crazy on each other for months and had a lot of fun together. After about six months, word starting getting around that I might be gay. I was terrified and instantly broke it off with him. He said I was weak and couldn't deal with who I really was. Of course, I denied it and said I was straight. (Yeah right) Anyway, I buried those feelings and tried to pretend I WAS straight. I got married, had two kids, and 8 years later got divorced. My ex knew about everything and was okay with it, but we had no love between us. (Turns out that she was gay and came out shortly after we split) After my divorce I stayed completely single. No dating, no nothing. (Besides looking at gay porn constantly) About 6 months later I reunited with a girl that I knew in high school. We hit it off like I've never felt. Our emotional connection was like nothing I had felt before. Sexually I was a disaster but she knew I had been in a bad marriage and was rusty. After a while our sex got better but I always needed her to get really kinky with me to get me aroused. Like really kinky. Domination, bondage etc. Without it I was pathetic in bed. She knew all about my feelings toward men and that I only looked at gay porn. She was very supportive. However, only a few months after we were married, I started looking on Craigslist and found the M4M section. I hooked up with 2 guys on separate occasions and emailed many more. She found out and went nuts. (Of course!) I felt horrible and swore my love to her. That I'd go to counseling and do anything to save our marriage. For almost a year things were better and my feelings towards men seemed to back off. A few weeks ago, they came back with a vengeance. I finally decided it was time to be honest with myself and with her. It's extraordinarily painful, but I know I have to live honestly and openly. I'm not sure what will happen with our marriage yet. But I'm on the right path. Thanks for listening!
Heya It's going to be painful but ya know that's because yer not a heartless bastard and care about people. You've held back on your feelings and being honest with yourself for so long; it's your turn now and just from reading your post makes me believe you will handle these next steps with care and compassion. You may find that she has already come to terms with the truth and was waiting for you to gently realise the same. Discussions are due. Definitely keep posting and asking for advice!
The most important thing here is to be honest and authentic about who you are with her, which it sounds like you're doing. Congrats! As for the future of the marriage, here's the thing. Holding her captive in a marriage where her husband doesn't (and can't) love her the way that she needs is in no way fair to her, in the same way that your first marriage wasn't fair to EITHER of you. Unless you can continue to be intimate with your wife (which it doesn't sound like you can), the only fair thing to do at this point, for both of you, is to break it off. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but sadly it's the way these things HAVE to work themselves out if either of you are to be truly happy in the long term, even though it causes temporary pain and heartache.
