Hey everyone, I am writing today because i need some help. A lil over a 6 months ago i fell in-love with the man i would spend the rest of my life with. I was previously in a 3 year relationship. So im not the "Flopping" type of guy nicely put? Anyway, he a great guy i am inlove with him. He's 24 and has been married 6 years with a girl who he has 2 kids with. They are 2 & 4 and absolutely love me. Also a marine, has only been back for iraq for a year. I've moved in and have been living their for majority of are relationship. He's told her that hes Bi, and shes accepted it. She's took it completely the opposite of how i expected. About 2 weeks ago, we got into it. Because im not gonna lie, living with his ex wife is pretty weird as it is. And he always told me it was for finacial reasons and he didnt wana be that part time dad. So until she was able to get onto her feet ya know, we would all live in the same house. (It's a large home.) I have had this gut feeling that something was going to happen. From the begining he always said ya know were gonna be great friend, weve been through alot together. And thats a bond that they will always have on a friend level. At the very beggining she kinda went nuts i think and started grabbing everything she could to keep him. So she said something about a palogomy type of relationship or something? I instantly said shes tripping there is no way. So lnow where here in this 2 weeks, and hes saying he still has feeling for her, and that he wants to be in a relationship with me & her. I cant do that guys, i cant share the guy that i love. I dont even know how to exsplain it. But its killing me, i need some advice on how i can get this through his head because hes not understanding. I am deeply inlove with this man, and as bad as i wish i could do something like that, i know that i cant. Deep down it will kill me inside. Anything helps, thanks for the support! -Jason
Don't do anything that would go against your core beliefs, it's too unhealthy, and as much as most would hate it, this may be a "her or me" situation. My advice, for the sake of his children and your feelings, you might just want to end it, but I'm no expert, so my better advice is for you to do what you feel is best.
That's my problem too. We never argue or talk loud in front of them, its kinda like they just don't discuss it. I could never do that, personally. I've heard about it on tv shows. And may i mention he says hes bi. And obviously i dont know what what that means. He said i was being racist against it. I said you get to choose really, when ever you want to be with a girl and when ever you want to be with a guy. For instance maybe until they arents confused? Idfk, I talk to my friends about it, and they just don't give to much advice on he situation. But i really apreciate you saying that because you nailed how i felt like saying it.
So are you living with him? If so, you might want try and keep your distance till he has himself sorted out, because I get the feeling that polygamy is much pretty off-limits to you, so it is ultimately his decision. Until he's sorted out, being around him is just going to cause you more pain, and I personally wouldn't commit -- though I admire you -- myself so completely when another isn't quite as committed to me.
GayBayy, Sounds like you have quite the mess going on. If I were you, I would run away and fast but you will have to make your own decision. I personally don't believe in polygamy, but different strokes for different folks I guess. From the sounds of your story your boyfriend wants his cake and eat it too. Of course he is going to have feelings for his wife that he has two kids with. Feelings for someone that you were willing to marry just don't go away overnight and everyone living in the same space I'm sure complicates things even more. I see on here a lot that people who identify as bisexual eventually down the road then identify as gay when they accept their feelings more. This is not always the case though and I don't really understand it because I'm just plain old gay not bisexual. I think you have to look deep inside yourself and make some tough choices. Do you want to share someone you care about with someone else? Do you want to be with someone that identifies as bisexual when you identify as gay? Do you want to get more committed to someone that still has feelings for someone else and is in fact still married to that person, making you more easily expendable? Don't change who you are because someone says if you really loved me you'd give it a shot. That is very selfish. It's a two way street, you could easily say if you really love me then you'd do it my way. Good luck
I agree with the others ... go with your gut feeling .. there are other guys out there who will love you and want you for who you are and be faithful to you alone. Do keep us posted.
You are in a bad position and I think you have to force this issue of him either wanting you or stay with her. I had to go through this with my partner and I was lucky he picked me. I did not talk to him for almost two weeks and he about lost his mind and got physically sick. That is when I was sure he really loves me. Since then no more womanizing has gone on and in fact we get closer by the day. Again I was lucky he really is in love with me because it would have been over otherwise. If you force his hand you may not be the one he picks. That is the risk you face, but I would fear he would always put her ahead of you. I would imagine she thinks you are a phase he is going through. I feel really bad for you because that is a really bad position he has put you in. Do you have someplace else to go? You will have to force the issue sooner or later.... Good Luck! June
Personally, I don't see this working. I think he wants his cake and to eat it too - and that's not fair to you. It's an awkward situation that's just going to get more awkward.
you are being played...you are the third wheel...you are the experiment. You mean nothing to this man, his world is his wife and children. Never date anyone that is married, the easy option is to always go back to what he knows if things go bad...what exactly will you have when he decides that he doesn't 'need' you for anything anymore? He is still going to have a wife right?
i dated a bi guy before and i loved him so much but he found a guy and didn't even tell me about it it hurt me deeply and i didn't mind him being bi but it hurt and i went off on him me and him where together first than he got all pissy because i was upset i had a right to be he didn't even talk to me first and we where planning on moving in together than he started acting like i had to just go with the flow and he made me feel guilty and all because i went off on him after he told me he would have to talk to his bf about me moving in and he wasn't even involved with him before when we where discussing it it was our plan he yelled at me and told me i was anti gay and i reminded him i also like girls but i wouldn't cheat on him or get a gf without asking and he expected me to accept it so after that fight we broke up he was a selfish ass he was so immature he wanted the best of both worlds
Wow, sounds like a really difficult and stressful situation. The piece of advice that I can add is that even though you love him deeply, you can't make him do anything he doesn't already want to do. It sounds like he's very torn and confused. It's important to tell him your feelings, then give him space to process them. Setting ultimatums or expectations makes the situation worse. I hope things will work out for you but remember that no matter what happens, you are still you and there are many other people out there that will love you for that. Stay strong!
