Dear All, I have one question. How do you know if you are gay or lesbian. Here is my story I am in my mid 30s and now believe I am a lesbian. I have never been interested in dating or going out with boys or men. I haven't even liked the idea of having sex. However 3 years ago I found my self having my first crush on a woman, and i have had a number of crushes on women, and I found myself wanting to be with women intimately. This is why I think I am a lesbian. However, what is freaky is this; 1. Why now? 3 years ago I was the conservative christian who used to write homophobic comments on message boards. Over the years I found I cannot do this anymore. I empathise with Gays more then Christians. In fact some of the responses told me, by the way you were writing it was so obvious you are gay, and that I should relent and find myself a girlfriend and I will be much happier. 2. Years ago if a friend was gay, I would have thought the best thing to do was to see a counsellor and hopefully become straight. Now I don't think I would want such counselling and I prefer the idea of being queer. 3. I don't know any gays or lesbians, most of my friends are very conservative Christians who are very nice, but it will be problematic. My dad thinks gays are disgusting and my sister thinks gays should have no rights. 4. Emotional stability. In the last couple of weeks, I have had more stability in my head and mind after admitting to myself I am gay. I think my heart and soul had been telling me I am gay, but my mind revolted. The lack of stability, the depression had come from this process. I think I had been grieving the straight identity that I had assigned myself. My mind had been saying you like boys, but my heart was saying you like women, and eventually my heart won. 5. I think I have gone through an evolution, from being straight, to questioning, to gay I feel comfortable in my homosexuality, and want to develop relationships based on this identity. However I have no idea how to do that Any comments.
solaris999, Here is something interesting I saw on facebook talking about faith and being conservative from a politician. I found it very interesting and might give you some insight on changes in your thoughts about being conservative and Christian. A Pastor Asks A Politician Why He Supports Gay Marriage. It Seems He Wasn't Prepared For His Reply. Gay and straight relationships are exactly the same. You find someone and develop feelings. There is no secret handshake or anything, look around and you'll find someone. It might take you some time but you will. You might think you don't know any gays or lesbians but you'll be surprised. I'm from a really small town and I'm sort of surprised how many there are once I opened my eyes and looked around. Dealing with family members with traditional values (I don't like to use the word conservative here because I think you can be conservative and gay) will be tough. Some people come around and accept, others will not. If you are close with your family, I hope it goes well. Time will tell on this. Best piece of advice I ever go, I will give to you. It is better to be gay than ashamed of who you are. If you can accept that you'll be good to go. Sounds like you are on the right path, good luck and congratulations on searching your feelings and discovering who you really are.
Thanks, I am actually from Australia and are familiar with the story. Kevin Rudd shoots himself in the foot by misquoting the Bible (it does not say what Rudd says it does). It was all over my fb newsfeed. However it showed that my heart is now in a different place. I was not outraged by his comments unlike my Christian friends For the first time in years I feel comfortable in my own skin.
Solaris, I am a lesbian Christian and it's not an oxymoron! I belong to the Episcopal church and my particular parish is very LGBT friendly. We're having the annual LGBT picnic tomorrow. For me having a church community is really important. Being a Christian does not mean you can't be a lesbian. I do think internalized homophobia makes gay people who are in denial the most vocal critics. It's interesting that other people said that about your comments. Welcome! I think the best way to "get started" is to make friends with some out lesbians. I started at church.
