Suicidal thoughts, realizing im gay seems to hard to handle

You will get no hate here just lots of support hope you figure it out x

 

Remember, if you are tortured with the thought of betraying your wife and leaving her 'on the scrap heap' as she fears, you will do far more hurt to her by doing harm to yourself than if you resolve this openly.

If you are best friends, it seems there must be a way to work this out. Can you still be partners, but in a non traditional relationship? If you feel you're gay, trying to maintain a marriage with sex and all that is going to be terrible for both of you. But maybe something else? Do you own a house together? Could you live amicably and with friendship and mutual caring--but going your own way sexually? There's never just one answer--don't get hung up on false either-or's.
I hope you will be able to work this out--and wish the best for both you and your wife.
Hugs!

 

If you're thinking about suicide, this has gotten out of hand. First step is to seek professional help. You need to step back from the edge.

Don't torture yourself. You may be gay now. You won't want to have sex with women.

You won't have sex with your wife. You'll be more like roommates. If she won't accept this, then one of you will need to move out. You may want to consider a divorce.

This isn't something you kill yourself over. Don't overreact.

 

Hi Varro-
I am currently in the midst of a similar situation. Came out to husband of almost 10 years earlier this year. He is my best friend, it has been a good (not perfect) marriage. The physical part has become a great issue though.
It sounds as if you are accepting where you are, which is great. Me, I have been fighting getting to this point for a few years now...
Please talk with a professional- call someone immediately. It has gotten dark for me as well at times and it was definitely helpful to let someone know where my thoughts were. Please. Make the call. This is a great place to find support as you go through your process, great people. But get in touch with someone IRL as well.
Sending you peace -

 

A couple of things:

- No haters; unlike the vibe on other some threads, which can be an eye opener, we tend to be more mature here

- The mention of suicide is concerning - it tends to happen when people are depressed, despairing, and their world, as they know it, is being pulled apart at the seams. Note that while it may never come back to what it was before, this is NOT the solution

- A therapist who is not familiar with GLBT issues is not that much help, IMO. I've seen some who are against it and some who are for it, yet don't know much about it. They just don't see it in their client base. Regardless, you need someone who knows GLBT issues, and is neutral on them, so they can remain more objective through therapy. I'm going through a search for one right now.

- Is she amicable through this? Do you have kids? How can you beat yourself up for not dealing with this earlier? That doesn't make sense. It's generational. For many, the wherewithal to do so was not there. Watch "Mulligans" where actor Dan Payne is alone with his son's friend Chase and erroneously lets the comment "well, 20 years ago ... I'd better stop" slip. He was dealing with his reality versus that of his son's friend, a generation later.

At this point, the neutral therapist who is versed in GLBT issues is important and please keep us updated and ask us more questions.

 

Varro So happy to have you here this is an excellent resource for help, definitely ask questions of any one here you will be amazed at the wealth of knowledge. I feel for you like so many others here I have been in your shoes. I get much of the same scrutiny from my wife. It puts a tremendous stress on your life. Have you seen a therapist? I have one and it is a good thing for me. Just keep your head up and smiling and remember you can not help who your are. We are born this way and will die this way. Why not live like we were meant to be than to succumb to societies mold. Just my two cents. Be yourself Whyme10:eusa_clap

 

I find this a struggle everyday. So glad I found empty closets and tumblr because I honestly wouldn't be here without the support.

 

Hi Varro,

You deserve SO much credit! Coming out in a relationship is I think one of the hardest kinds of coming out.

My coming out was at the beginning of the year and I can say that it is incredibly different in a good way not living in fear with a secret from the woman I love. Some things I learned over the last year, your experience may be different,

Please don't let the guilt or the hurt she is feeling eat away at you. You hid these feelings from her, and yourself, out of terror. You were simply not strong enough until recently to do this to begin with. Yes, the closet is dishonest. But I don't think many people realize just how hard coming out of it is. When you got into this relationship, you had yourself convinced you were bisexual. I convinced myself something similar. It's incredible what we can believe when someone we fall in love with gets thrown into the mix.

She is going through something very hard to deal with. And I know all our hearts are going out to her. From her point of view she is losing something wonderful. But there is not much good you can do to help her deal with things this time. And you may find you just need to get away for a few minutes every day and give her time and space. I know it's very hard when you are used to being the one to make things better for her.

If she stays by your side, it is because you and her are choosing each other, and both of you need to be honest about what you need with the other person.

This is not an easy road, but I think you will both be happier now with more honesty. She and you both deserve something you can't give each other, that's all. Things can't be the way they were before you came out again. Not now that she knows. But you can both have so much more out of life now that you are out.