I am going to a grand reopening for an artist coop place. I was invited by a cute girl I know, who I have no clue if she was flirting with me or that is just the way she is. I am going with my sister-in-law (who when I talked to her about how I was questioning my sexuality, her response was "Oh thank god. I was hoping you would finally figure it out, meet a nice woman, get married and stop being miserable". I love her). I am not good in new situations, which is why I am taking SIL. And this is something she will hopefully be really into. Since my brother died, she has been isolating herself a lot. But I am squeezed on time. I am meeting another friend at 7 for a concert. If hot artist chick is actually flirting, SIL will know and tell me. And force me to do something about it, rather than get scared and run. But what if things are going well and then I have to leave? That seems so rude. And while the majority of me says that S was a good fling, and was good for me and all that, there is a part of me that is scared that is the best I get. If I can't have a relationship with someone who does the same work as me, how can I have one with someone who has no idea what I do? I have a really high stress job, that at times can call me away at strange hours. S worked in the same field, so understood that, and it still annoyed her when I would get a call at 8pm or on a Saturday. Oh boy. How is it now that I have finally realized and admitted and accepted my sexuality, I am even more confused than I was before?
Well, confusion can go hand in hand when you are coming to terms with your sexuality. It's like forming a new identity in some ways. You still may like ice cream and going to the movies, but want to do that with a different person. You are forming new self concepts, many of which are scary and new, yet freeing. Sit back and enjoy the ride. You don't have to figure it all out today!
I have the personal, individual aspect figured out. Meeting a girl and dating her for a short time helped solidify that part. I am really bad at social situations, meeting people, stuff like that. It is hard enough figuring that stuff out, then adding to it the romantic element.
Think back to any friendships you may have developed over the past few years. It's actually pretty much the same process. You find somebody intriguing, you decided to hang out more often, you make plans to make it work. Go to the art exhibit, have a good time, and tell her right at the outset "I'd love to spend more time here, but I've already promised another friend I'd meet her at 7 to go to a concert." (This is called "telling the truth about what's happening". You're allowed to do it. ) And just before you leave, tell her "I had a great time, and I'd love to come to another one of these if you'll have me." This makes it clear you're not "ducking out on her" - you're just pressed for time. And most people don't date people in the same job, or even field, as their own. And most people are pretty understanding that "my job requires such and such". Lex
