I'm a 60 year old male living in South America. I have always felt that I should have been born a woman but denied it because of my family. I got married to a woman I love, though it is a platonic love, like a brother and sister. I have 3 sons and 2 grandsons. I feel like I have little of my life left and I can't come out because my family would disown me. I also have no attraction to other men, but would just love to live a quiet life as a woman. I have considered suicide but haven't taken any real steps in that direction. I don't know what I am and I realize that I was never true to myself. That is why I'm so depressed.
hi again! first, please take a deep breath and relax a bit, i know this is very hard for you, but you have already made a huge step which is accepting yourself, and no, you are not old! its never too late to be yourself! (*hug*) well, it really depends on your family, why do you think they would not be accepting? are they against gay or trans people? they are your sons and grandsons and i think they must respect you and like you a lot... about your marriage, im not sure, this will be very hard for her, so im not sure it could turn out well but the first thing you should do is to look for a gender therapist that can also help you in dealing with it and coming out to your family (*hug*)
I would love to talk to a therapist, but I live in South America. There are no therapists here to talk to, at least not in English. This site is the only therapy open to me, and I really appreciate your reply. It means a lot to me.
Hi Lindsay. Lacking access to a therapist, I suggest you start with a thorough search of books addressing your situation. Many of them can be found online, then downloaded into your computer or a Kindle, where you can read them discretely without having them sitting around the house obviously. You are not the first person to have the feelings you do, and there are quite a few books which can help you deal with your emotions and show how other people have been in and dealt with similar situations. This is an easy self-help start which will hopefully suggest further steps which you may not have thought of in your isolated location, and will give you something positive and distracting to do instead of chewing yourself up inside your head, feeling that there is nothing you can do where you live. You might also discover resources which are available to you online which you are not currently familiar with; many books have deep references to other resources in their appendices and footnotes. It is important to take at least this first step to reinforce the fact that your life, and particularly your feelings about it, are under YOUR control, and that you are starting on a path to solutions and determined to reach your goal.
Hi Lindsay, Good on you for taking the first step and sharing your story publicly. (*hug*) The suggestion to read books is a great one. I also wonder if it would be possible to a therapist on the phone, via email, or Skype. I did this when I was living remotely and it really helped. Might be something to look into, when you're ready. All the best on your journey.
A bit off topic, but when I was in the South Pacific, in Tahiti especially, I noticed a surprisingly large number of men who went around dressed and behaving as women. Our tour guide Primrose, some taxi drivers, cashiers at the store, etc. They were treated normally--no one commented or made rude remarks. Although the South Pacific Islands have a strong missionary culture, even older is their tradition of respecting people "between genders", or men who choose to live as women. Perhaps, if you are looking for someone to talk to or want to explore more about this part of yourself in a safe environment, you could take a "vacation" in the South Pacific, visit some of the clubs there, get to know some of the people, etc.
This is the only PFLAG chapter I could find in South America. PFALYG | Somos un grupo de padres, familiares, amigos, de lesbianas y gays u otra orientación sexual; que brinda apoyo, ayuda e información para aquellos que buscan contención. Para muchos es el primer contacto con el tema homosexualidad, aquí pueden I hope you find someone to talk with from your own continent. Would you ever consider going to Argentina?
