I wanted to talk to other parents about the balancing act of balancing our needs vs. our kids' needs. As a stay-at-home dad for 10 years, I'm now looking for a new job. However, there are NO jobs in my hometown unless you want to be a cross-country trucker or a personal care attendant. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to move to a different city. The nearest big cities are 2+ hours from me and I may literally have to move to a city hours away or even days away. I'm struggling because "I" need to do this for me. However, I also realize that it's going to be really, really difficult for my daughter because she's going to have to stay here with soon-to-be-ex. I wouldn't mind her coming with me, but it would cause major issues with education, etc. Anyhow, I'm looking for words of wisdom from other parents, etc. Or just someone to tell me that I'm not being totally selfish for looking for a job in a different city.
As a fellow parent I would say that it would really depend on how you made up for that distance. Will you be getting them on Fridays after school for your weekends and ensuring that they have plenty of quality time with you? Will they know how to get ahold of you by phone if they are missing you and want to talk and be allowed to contact you? (That's critical- how is mom handling this?- will she use the distance as a way to emotionally distance you from your kids?) If you can work those things out (by making arrangements and making up time in order to get out of work earlier on the weekends you have your kids) so that these things are taken care of then I think you will be fine. Distance can have it's advantages- each parent has their own territory and the kids may feel less tension that way.
Thanks BooksJeansTea. I will be talking to her every day either on Skype, FaceTime or on the phone. If I'm only a couple of hours away, then I'll get her every other weekend. My concern is if I'm 8+ hours away and I only get to physically see her every few months (i.e. she'll fly down).
I've been separated from the wife since late April (already!). She lives a 9-minute walk away from me, and yet, I have a really hard time getting them to come over. This is the result of the current acrimony between her and I. Cooperation with the ex will be crucial, a job nearby will also certainly help...
I could be wrong... could definitely be wrong... but lots of this could/might depend on how old your daughter is. What's her relationship with you like? And what's her relationship with your soon-to-be ex like? If she is relatively young, has a distant relationship with your ex and is close to you, it might hurt a lot for her if you moved away... so it really might be you being between a rock and a hard place. I don't think it's selfish at all, and while I'm nowhere near becoming a parent right now, I do think it's good you're exploring these options. With that said, any decision must be carefully considered and weighed versus the other feasible and available ones, I'd say...
That's a tough one. Well, let me start by saying you are not selfish. You're in an unfortunate situation. You need a job and there aren't any in your area. That's out of your control. I'm sure you've thought of this already but try to find a job as close to her as possible. That way you'll be able to see her more often. When you see her make sure it's quality time. I'd also suggest sending her little gifts every now and then. That will help her feel loved. It's good that you plan on talking to her everyday, as long as she knows you are thinking about her she will feel better about the situation.
Don't abandon your daughter. Live in the same school district as her and be sure she has 2 homes. The one with you, and the one with her mom. Dig ditched by day and flip burgers by night if need be. It's only till she goes to college, such a short we have them. Make it count
