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how do you get the conversation started?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ClosetedFather, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. ClosetedFather

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    I am sure it has been asked in here to many times to count. I have one goal right now and that is to come out bisexual to my Girlfriend/Mother of my child. But how do you get that conversation started. I looked at her last night on the couch and couldn't get a word out of my mouth. I understand it may be relationship ending, could end with me having to move out of the house. Thats the worst thought, not being to put my kid to bed every night. And I truly love her, that is why she deserves to know whats going on with me.

    I just need to get this conversation started.
     
  2. penguin machine

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    I'll come back and write a response. I want some time to think about what advice I think you might appreciate.
     
  3. penguin machine

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    You could start by letting her know that you have been going through a process in your life that is going to redefine a lot of things about you. I would make sure that she understands that the things it won' redefine are your love to her or your commitment to your child. Those are some of the things she's going to struggle with the most, I suspect. If she's insecure, she might doubt herself, and wonder what she could have done differently.

    The fact is that being a father to your child is not incompatible with being supportive of her and maintaining your relationship in a new way. You are taking steps to bring your life more into alignment with your nature, and through it all, you're still going to be there for her and be there for your child, and that's what you need to communicate to her. You can't predict how she'll react my ex broke off and restarted contact numerous times, begged me to come back, told me she could never date me again, and now we're friends, because I was extremely patient, listened, gave good advice, and was there for her whenever she needed me. I think that's something you should strive towards. And let her know that. Co-operation is what I'm talking about here.
     
  4. ormanout

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    I asked my therapist that very same question and her suggestion worked really well. You begin with "I'd like to share with you a story....and it's the story of my life." Then you proceed to share the earliest memories of feeling different, or noticing that something other than what you were told to expect of yourself was present in you.

    I used that very approach and it felt quite comfortable....felt listened to until the story was finished and then opened myself up for questions for the next six months.

    The nervousness will go away, once the story is out. You just have to "go for it."