Married, young baby, coming out...

Hang in there, I'm 49 and just came out to my wife of 15 years and also my best friend who is straight. Scary times for me, especially at my age, the prospect of starting all over again seems so daunting.

I get the honesty bit, I'm looking to come out and be honest to some very important family who may or may not accept... its scary but I feel it's the right thing to do.

 

Oh yep... the tears are hard to stop, its grief. I was told to let them out, I never cried until now.

As hard as it is, get up and go walk or find somewhere to let out the pain, it helped me. Is your wife angry, mine was and still is.

 

Hugs my friend... I wish you all love and strength...keep in touch.

 

Hey bigeagle.
Just to let you know I feel for you and I think you are really brave.
The next while is going to be tough, but you are on a journey to happiness and self-acceptance. I wish you all the best!

 

Bigeagle, you weren't "forced" to come out. You did it because you knew inside that it was the right time and the right thing to do, and you have stood up and DONE the right thing. That strength will see you through whatever comes along to deal with. Some day your son will know what you did and be proud of his dad, not angry, and he will live in a world that will be better and more understanding when does it, not the screwed up world you grew up in which sent you down the wrong track, but which gave you the son you must now help raise into a rational-thinking man.

 

This is a really hard time. It's okay to be sad. Everything keeps telling me they are proud and I'm brave and congratulations. My counselor said it was happy news.

I'm not feeling it. I see the happy out there, on the horizon. But it's an awful long way off.

Before I accepted it, though, I couldn't see the happy at all.

AFA your son. Normal kinda sucks. Normal is stifling and what brought you to this place. Raise him to know your love and to be authentic and proud of all the parts tht make him unique. That's way better than "normal".

 

I'm glad you've found us here. Congratulations for having the strength and courage to come out as you have.

I was 36 with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. It seemed hopeless at the time, but it was the best thing to have happen. We've all moved on, and created our own 'normal' that has my 2 daughters having 3 dads! They're cool with it.

You're going through the absolute worst part right now. Your wife might seem somewhat OK with things, but that will change and change again. Be ready for it. Counselling for you and for her and for the two of you together would be my suggestion - because you're going to need it to maintain your relationship as friends and parents for your son.

Good luck. Again - welcome!

 

well better late than never. good job.

 

Welcome from the married guy with 3 girls...

 

Big Eagle, welcome. Sometimes a watershed in life makes you reassess yourself and your ideas; like the birth of your son. Wow, impressive courage to face yourself at this point. You mention your sadness over the loss of a "normal" upbringing for him- I wonder how much of this feeling is loss you feel instead. Your son has two parents who love and care for him-what a great start in life! And there is no reason why this should change, whatever shape his family unit takes. Don't get stuck on narrow or borrowed ideas of what is "normal"; think more of what works in terms of raising him together and how you and your wife can do that and remain parents; and maybe, friends. Not saying it's going to be easy, but you've got a damn good reason now to try.

 

Thank you so much for this. I watched the talks and they were so affirming.

 

Perhaps if you can keep living together for a year or two you will have the time to work things out and share the load of infant care- feeding, nappies, sleep deprivation etc. That's gotta count for a lot in your wife's eyes, and it's not something you should miss out on. It demonstrates your commitment to her and to your son and your relationship has time to evolve in the background with due attention in its turn.